Bob Brady Saves Americans From Crappy Chinese Souvenirs

Bob Brady didn’t end up a total loser when he lost in the mayoral primary back in ‘07. As head of the House Administration Committee (”The Mayor of Capitol Hill”), Brady wields a decent amount of power, especially now with a Democratic president.

But while Bob Ney renamed french fries to get back at France while in the position, Bob Brady has now focused his ire on foreign nations that make crap that should, in all seriousness, really be American made. Specifically, Brady put a ban on foreign-made trinkets in the Capitol Hill gift shops. Let’s get a quote from WHYY:

“We told them right away that we don’t want anybody coming to our nation’s capital visiting our visitors center to come away with a gift of the Capitol dome, the White House, whatever it may be with something that says ‘made in China.’ I think that is absolutely ludicrous. I have tremendous support from my colleagues [who agree that] coming to Washington to get a trinket that is made in China makes absolutely, positively no sense.”

Truly, a change is gonna come. ‘HYY reports thousands of dollars worth of merchandise is now in storage ready to be shipped back overseas, and Brady says there is brand-new, super-patriotic American crap ready for vendors to purchase. God Bless America.

Congressman Brady bans “Made in China” souvenirs from Capitol gift shop [Y Decide]

Crap, There’s A Crack In I-95

Here, Action News‘ Dann Cuellar reports on the crappy support beams of Interstate 95.

Nobody Can Stop Talking About Alycia Lane

Yesterday, House majority leader Sam Smith (who?) whined about Alycia Lane calling Ed Rendell after she was arrested. A day after his spokesman confirmed the call, Rendell called into 610 WIP’s morning show (stay with me here) and said, naw, it was just a friend calling a friend.

Michael Klein says Mr. Smith doesn’t believe Rendell and Lane’s stories: “You know, he said, ‘Just because she wanted somebody to listen to her.’ Well, if you believe that, I got a bridge for you… I can’t imagine that she called him for any other reason than to help her out.”

Meanwhile, a few people fired up their bootleg copies of Photoshop and made funny graphics and now there are tons of places to buy crap; by tons of places, I mean “Cafepress.”

Leftovers: Nude Protest Somehow Awful

• There was a nude protest in front of the Burberry store today by PETA. As intrepid quizmaster Johnny Goodtimes shows in the photograph at right, though, it was the worst nude protest ever, not even including any nudity. Those girls must be cold, though. Somebody throw a bear rug over them to keep them warm, or something. [Johnny Goodtimes]

• We Americans love our crap, but apparently we have a limit! The Inquirer’s Madhusmita Bora reports today that business is extremely slow for those who opened carts and kiosks at malls for the holidays. Your pre-paid phone cards and cheap jewelry just don’t have the same pull they used to. [Inquirer]

• The Flyers made another trade today, sending a draft pick and a player you’ve never heard of for another player you don’t know. I don’t know about you, but I’m prepping for a Stanley Cup parade already. [The Phanatic]

• Premarital sex is normal. Thank God. Unless he’s pissed. Then I don’t know what to think. [AP/CNN.com]

Paper Execs Attempt To Get Every Last Penny Out Of Staff

Actual memo sent out at our newspaperly neighbors to the north:

From: [redacted]

Sent: Wed 11/29/2006 2:50 PM
To: PNI Weekly Update - All
Subject: BISTRO MUGS

Ladies And Gentlemen, The Worst Argument Ever

I read a lot of crap. Like, really. A lot. If you also browse the Internet — or, for that matter, any newspaper or magazine — there’s a chance you’re saying, “Hey, I read a lot of crap too!” (”On Philadelphia Will Do!”)

Opinion pieces, whether on a blog or newspaper or magazine, tend to have the most potential for crap. Case in point: Lowman Henry’s guest column about the flag desecration amendment in today’s Evening Bulletin. Here’s his rationalization for why Congress should have passed a law barring desecration of the flag:

Further, there is ample precedent for protecting the flag as a national symbol. The First Amendment does not give us the right to spray paint a moustache on the presidential visages chiseled into Mount Rushmore. Burning the White House or the Capitol building are not protected means of protest. Nor can we go around shooting bald eagles, another of our cherished national symbols. No rational person would argue that such antics are legal or constitutional. Constitutionally forbidding desecration of the nation’s flag falls into the same category.

Wait, wait. Did he really just compare buring a flag — a flag that, say, Joey Flagburner has purchased with his own money — to spraypainting a national park, setting fire to a government building or shooting a fucking bald eagle? This has to be a joke, right? Have I been, uh, punk’d?

The U.S. Senate Again Fails To Protect Old Glory [The Evening Bulletin]