Award-Winning Entrepreneur Jailed

On Friday, a successful, award-winning entrepreneur was sentenced by U.S. District Court Judge Freda Wolfson to over 23 years in prison for running his successful, award-winning enterprise. Okay, yeah, so he was a pimp and the award he won was “Pimp of the Year.”

The awards were from the annual Players Ball, where pimps are honored yearly. He was also a mailman when he wasn’t pimping and gave an interview to a magazine where he went on about his “pimptuition.” Wow.

A man who prosecutors actually described as an “associate pimp” was also sentenced to 96 months in prison. The chief executive pimp’s name was Matthew Thompkins, and despite his award, he wasn’t exactly a model boss: He only paid women $20 a day while pocketing all the rest of the money himself.

Oh, and a woman, Melissa Smith, who testified said she was beaten with a copper pipe and wasn’t allowed to leave. She joined because a pimp told her that his friends would help win her custody of her child, so maybe it’s best not to trust pimps.

Although family members said the award-winning pimp would be able to rehabilitate and live a life of legal letter carrying, Smith didn’t think so:

“If he gets out, I know he’ll do it again,” she said. “That’s all he ever talks about - pimping and ho-ing.”

A man dedicated to his craft. Erhm, yeah.

‘Pimp of the Year’ gets long sentence [Inquirer]

Blunts Once Again Free To Be Sold In Philly

While we’re on the subject of praising judges, it’s time to give a hearty Philadelphia cheer to Judge Gary S. Glazer, who on March 7 threw out the city’s blunt ban.

John Street signed the blunt ban into effect back in January, and cigar manufacturers and distributors challenged it in court seven days later. The ban criminalized the sale of any item used to “convert, produce, process, prepare, test, analyze, pack, repack, store, contain, conceal, inject, ingest, inhale or otherwise introduce into the human body a controlled substance in violation of [the Pennsylvania Controlled Substance, Drug, Device and Cosmetic Act]” in situations “where the seller knows, or under the circumstances reasonably should know.”

But, apparently, there are pesky state laws that prevent municipalities from criminalizing random legal items — such as bongs, pipes, rolling papers, blunts, apples and two-liter soda bottles. Let’s just quote here from the Northeast Times article:

In overturning the law, Glazer wrote, “Although the ordinance has a laudable anti-drug objective, its operation is inconsistent with state law. The ordinance converts a specific intent offense into a strict liability one, subjecting legitimate businesses selling legal dual-use products to the arbitrary enforcement of the City of Philadelphia Department of Licenses and Inspections.”

That is, state law requires that local authorities enforcing restrictions on drug paraphernalia prove the intent by the seller, buyer or possessor to use the item as such. State law outlines 13 factors to consider when making such a determination.

The factors include verbal statements, written instructions, visual depictions, proximity of the alleged paraphernalia to controlled substances and expert testimony concerning its use.

Wait, people have to be guilty to be found guilty under the law? How dare they! City Councilman Brian O’Neill, who originally sponsored the bill, will attempt to pursue the issue. The city might appeal. But for now, smoke away on your blunts, as long as they don’t have marijuana in them! And you’re not in a public work place. And you’re not within 20 feet of a door. And you don’t litter afterward.

Law banning the sale of ‘blunts’ overturned [Northeast Times]
[Photo via that biggest purveyor of Phillies blunts, Sam's Club]

Judge: You Can Pry Internet Porn From My Cold, Dead Hands

Whoo! Internet porn is now free to, uh, roam the Internet!

Yesterday, a federal judge right here in Freedom City itself, Philadelphia, struck down the 1998 Child Online Protection Act (COPA), writing he “may not turn a blind eye to the law in order to attempt to satisfy my urge to protect this nation’s youth by upholding a flawed statute.” Awws yeah!

And, then, he laid out this beautiful sentence:

“Indeed, perhaps we do the minors of this country harm if First Amendment protections, which they will with age inherit fully, are chipped away in the name of their protection.”

Oh snap! Let all of us — the porn stars, the porn consumers, the free-speech lovers — use our free speech to praise one U.S. District Judge Lowell A. Reed Jr. today.

Federal judge in Phila. strikes down pornography measure [Inquirer]

Alleged Perv Lawyer Somehow Gets Worse

Friday, the Alleged Perv Lawyer — aka Larry Charles — had his preliminary hearing on Friday in Family Court and had his charges upgraded to include rape. Yes, the Alleged Perv Lawyer is allegedly worse than anyone originally thought.

The 14-year-old girl who he allegedly had sex with testified that in early December he slapped her across the face when she refused to go to his office near 10th and Chestnut. And although the girl protested, he pushed her on the couch and penetrated her. He then bought her off with boots afterward at Bare Feet Shoes.

On the day he was caught, MLK Day, the girl sat on his lap while “his ding-a-ling” — damn you, Chuck Berry — got hard and later ejaculated before the girl got dressed. Then sheriff’s deputies, who knew something was up when Charles said the girl didn’t read or write English while she signed her name in the logbook (although I guess she could do that even if she didn’t write English).

In addition to all the horrible criminal stuff he did, he took the girl to “Red Lobster, Chinese buffet and Old Country Buffet.” So he’s allegedly a horrible monster and he has a horrible taste in restaurants.

Teen testifies about alleged trysts with defense attorney [Daily News]
Jan. 19: Spotting The Alleged Perv Lawyer Is Now Philadelphia’s Official Sport

State Court: Not Wearing Pants In Hotel Room Not A Crime

You read the headline right. The state Superior Court ruled yesterday that not wearing pants in a hotel room is not against the law. Or not enough for probable cause, at least.

Here’s the story: In January 2005, Ahmad Bebee was sentenced to 5 to 10 years in prison on a cocaine dealing charge. Police caught him when they received an anonymous tip in July 2004 that Bebee was with an underage girl at the Neshaminy Motor Inn. Police announced their arrival and Bebee opened the door without any pants on.

Police entered the room, and that’s when they found the coke. Oh, and they found a 16-year-old girl. In a room with a man then in his late 20s with no pants. Somehow, the coke charge trumped that and Bebee was never charged with any sex crimes.

But, after appealing, the court found Bebee’s fourth amendment rights were violated. The state court wrote:

Moreover, that fact that Appellant was half-naked when he first opened the door was not, as the trial court suggests, indicative of criminal activity; people often remove their clothes inside of motel rooms.

The officers didn’t see him doing anything illegal, they just saw a man naked from the waist down. The court has said that doesn’t rise to the level of reasonable suspicion that criminal activity is occurring.

You know I always thought answering the door with no pants was a crime, but apparently you can even do it to the police! This is a great country.

Charges dropped in case of half-naked suspect [Bucks County Courier Times]
Photo via some dude’s Livejournal

Keystone Cops: Wait, ‘America’s Most Wanted’ Is Still On?

Keystone Cops is a look at police, crime and public safety news.

• New Jersey authorities began receiving tips about the Atlantic City serial killer after the killings were featured on America’s Most Wanted. Authorities responded by saying it’s not a serial killer. [Inquirer]

• After Felicia Johnson was convicted for first degree murder, she tried to throw a water pitcher and a microphone at the judge. She was found guilty of murdering a 15-year-old and making the janitor work overtime. [NBC 10]

• The (Pointless) War on Drugs did at least lead to this lead today: “More than a dozen local crack suppliers will be having a blue, blue Christmas - without their cherished drug stashes - because of two well-timed weekend raids.” The second “blue” is what sells it, I think. [Daily News]

• And a standoff with police also led to another good journalism moment, this headline on the West Chester Daily Local’s website: “BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING NEWS! Standoff ends in Uwchlan.” [Daily Local]

Crime Now Legal In Trenton (Wasn’t It Already?)

Mercer County — home of Trenton, Princeton and the 79th-ranked per capita income among all American counties — has come up with an ingenious way to deal with a rising crime rate.

Crime is now, apparently, legal.

There’s such a backlog of cases in Mercer County that Superior Court Judge Maria Sypek is considering letting some alleged criminals go since they’ve been robbed of their right to a speedy trial. There are around 800 cases awaiting a grand jury hearing, and, well, Stephanie March can only do so much, people.

The police are doing their part to legalize crime by not showing up at grand jury hearings. A word to the wise: Best to stay out of Trenton for the next few months. Not to mention Princeton.

Officers Skip Hearings; Judge Might Let Defendents Go [AP/NBC 10]

Breaking: Foo Fighter Gets Off

A judge ruled today that Susanna Foo won’t face charges stemming from an incident in late September where Foo allegedly hit a meter maid who ticketed a delivery truck outside her Center City restaurant.

Foo is entering a a six-month probationary program. She’ll also give cooking lessons as community service. (Aww, isn’t that nice!) Sez lawyer-to-the-stars Richard Sprague:

“She is innocent of what she was accused of. The end result is the case is being withdrawn. It is being dismissed. If I was representing any of you and you had charges against you, instead of having go to trial and having all the delays and uncertainties, and knew the case was being dropped, I think all of you would agree that is a good deal.”

But it’s not over! Foo is now considering action against the Parking Authority and the meter maid who said she was punched by the restaurateur. But of course: This is Philadelphia, after all.

No Assault Trial for Phila. Restaurateur Susanna Foo [KYW 1060]
Archives: Susanna Foo

Lawyer Denies Foo Fighting

The case of did-the-restaurateur cause-a-miscarriage has gotten a little sticker in the past few days. As you probably heard, chef/restaurateur Susanna Foo was arrested Friday night and charged with assaulting a meter maid and related offenses. Later that weekend, the officer had a miscarriage.

The Inquirer came forth with a story saying, uh, it’d be pretty hard to cause a miscarriage. (Then the Inky referenced the Siege of Leningrad, to make sure the point sunk in.)

Yesterday, Foo’s preliminary hearing was delayed until Nov. 20. Foo’s lawyer, Richard DeSipio, said his client never hit anyone, even coming so far as saying the woman is just looking for some cash.

The defense, though, has nine eyewitnesses prepared to testify that Foo never hit Juanita Lewis, the PPA worker. Dun dun dun!

More on this as it develops — and by “as it develops,” I mean “next month.”

Foo’s Lawyer: Officer Claiming Injury Wants Money [NBC 10]
Susanna Foo’s alleged victim has miscarriage [Inquirer]

Myers Gets (Gasp!) Nothing For Hitting Wife

Brett Myers was in Boston court today regarding charges he beat his wife on a Boston street corner back in June.

Myers’ wife, Kim, wants the charges dropped, but prosecutors want Myers to serve two years of probation, enter a program for spousal abusers and undergo alcohol abuse evaluation. Seems pretty reasonable, but nothing’s set in stone yet. Myers, though, was the hot item in court today:

Myers, an ace of the Phillies staff, finished the season 12-7 with a 3.91 ERA. He was treated as a celebrity Thursday by court officers, who shook his hand. One told him, “Good luck, it will be all right” while another said, “Nice seeing you again.”

If we see some Brett Myers autographed court dockets on eBay tomorrow, you’ll know where they came from.

Update, 2:48 p.m.: The charges against Myers have been dropped, dude to his wife’s wishes. And they lived happily ever after.

Wife of Phillies’ Myers wants case dropped [AP/Philly.com]
Archives: Brett Myers