Cat Confirmed Not To Be Garfield; Nermal Relieved

If it’s a new month, it must be time for another COUGAR SIGHTING article!

(Wild cheers, screaming, party balloons and streamers falling down, Pee Wee Herman dancing around, etc.)

The Inquirer writes today that Robert Squillace, a Camden County man, snapped three pictures of an unusually large cat — MOST CERTAINLY A COUGAR — in New Jersey.

Although the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection averages one report a week — that’s enough for a full time “Cougar Hunter” position! — Squillace is certain he saw a cougar. Patrick Carr, who works for the DEP, said the cat has a white tip on its tail, which cougars don’t have.

But Carolyn Welty, who lives across the street, says it was as big as “a golden Labrador retriever,” whatever that is.

That’s not it for the comparisons! “World-famous tracker” Tom Brown Jr. said that the cat is most certainly a cougar, further clarifying:

“That’s no Garfield.”

Duh, of course. The cat was seen on a Monday. Everyone knows Garfield doesn’t do anything but sleep that day. He hates Mondays.

Will big cat amount to anything? [Inquirer]

Cougars Spotted In Wildwood, Easy Jokes Made Up And Down East Coast

Once every few months, someone will spot a cougar in the area. Remember the cougar in Philadelphia in the mid-1990s? He was everywhere! And everyone’s dad’s brother’s friend had seen him!

It’s been a while since the last sighting — late May by our best count — so, naturally, a cougar was spotted in Wildwood recently by a Wilkes-Barre man. (Shown here is said cougar waiting to board the tram car. Hey, the Wildwood boardwalk is long.)

Corey Daly Sr. said he spotted the big cats on the beach, about 80 yards off the boardwalk, in North Wildwood. Officials are unconvinced — the last confirmed cougar sighting in the area was in Delaware in the 1990s, and that was from a drug dealer who kept it as a pet. (But of course.) There’s no word as to how cougars could even get to Wildwood, which is an island. Do you think they took Route 9 or NJ Transit?

That hasn’t stopped the news media from picking it up (as they should, natch) and from everyone who’s heard the story thinking about the joke they’re going to tell at the bar this weekend when the story comes up. But, hey, easy jokes are our steez, man, so let’s do this: Cougars? In Wildwood? Geeze, and Sea Isle seemed so much more likely.

Hunter claims he saw 2 cougars in Wildwood [Inky]
Cougar (slang) [Wikipedia]
Archives: Cougars

Jersey Devils

Hmm. And what kind of unexplained mysteries are similar to a cougar hunt?

This seems a little silly. Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, sure, but who’s ever heard of a pink car?

Behind Some Unexplained Mysteries [NBC 10]

Quickies: Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How

• Shawn Andrews wants to lose some weight, being that he weighs approximately 750 pounds. That’s all well and good, but what if he loses weight, improves his life expectancy but becomes a less effective offensive lineman in the process? Come on, you were thinking it, too. [Daily News]

• Former Eagles coach Jim Trimble died today at the age of 87. He coached in the 50s — when the team was at one point quarterbacked by Philly the Heroic War Dog — and actually compiled a winning record, so he must’ve been doing something right. [AP/ESPN.com]

• There was a fire at West Philadelphia High this morning, which forced classes to be moved to another building. It didn’t affect things much, since seniors had an off-school grounds event, juniors were just picking up tickets for the prom and nobody goes to school anymore in this city anyway. [Inquirer]

• For now, double entendre headlines like these aren’t going to get old. We’ll check back in a few months. [NBC 10]

Leftovers: Three Losses And We Fans Turn

Headline on Philly.com: “A 4th cougar sighting in Delaware.” Sources say that, although four cougars have been spotted, there is no danger, except to men in their early-to-mid twenties, and even then, it might have some mutual benefits. (Don’t read New York papers or watch the Today show? Wikipedia to the rescue!) [AP/Philly.com]

• The family of William Berkeyheiser is suing the private investigator who helped Stanford Douglas Jr. find him. Douglas, who is serving a life sentence, shot Berkeyheiser to death last year. He says it was for telling a “racist joke” in 1998, which Berkeyheiser’s family denies. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• In case you didn’t see, the Phillies bullpen blew another game today, making it three losses in a row. Since we’re Phillies fans, let’s handle this like professionals: Fire Charlie Manuel! [The 700 Level/FireCharlieManuel.com]

• One good thing if Mort Zuckerman (of the New York Daily News) buys the Inquirer and the Philly tab: It’s okay if you don’t turn a profit. Or if you lose millions. [Gawker]

• We don’t need to comment on Sam Donnellon that Larry Brown would come back to Philadelphia, right? No? Good. [Daily News]