Where The Wild (Liberal) Things Are

There’s a story in the Evening Bulletin today about Hillary Clunkton, a fictional cartoon character who is the villain of a series of conservative children’s books. (Don’t worry, it gets better.)

The third book in the Help! Mom! series — which had previous titles of Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed! and Help! Mom! Hollywood’s in My Hamper! — will feature Hillary being arrested, and you can even bid on an eBay auction to get to be the one who apprehends her.

I don’t really know why childrens’ books are the appropriate audience to bash Hillary Clinton, since kids (1) don’t vote and (2) don’t care. But, apparently, liberals have been polluting our kids’ minds for ages:

“Liberals have been targeting children in their war on traditional values for years,” says DeBrecht, a mother of three. “Since they can’t persuade adult voters to abandon personal responsibility and embrace the welfare state, they have instead chosen to flood our classrooms and libraries with books about gay kings, socialist fish, and even marijuana use. It’s time to put a stop to it - and ironically Hillary is going to help us do just that!”

Holy shit. There are kids books about that? Where’s my Choose Your Own Adventure where if I go to page 46, I get to smoke a bowl, and if I go to page 72, I get to chill with a sweet socialist fish? And don’t you think a gay king would be a blast to read about? Just think how nice his castle would be!

I feel so cheated.

Hillary’s Going To Jail; Charity To Benefit [The Evening Bulletin]

Quickies: 101 Dalmations

• Pennsylvania Clean Sweep now has 101 candidates running for election against Pennsylvania state legislators. Coming in November: 101 losing candidates for PA Clean Sweep. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Guess what the contrarian broadsheet — my former employer, &c. &c. — in this town has run an op-ed piece on: Global warming isn’t real! Really, really, I’m shocked that the conservative paper in town would run a column that says that. What’s next? “Teach the controversy” on evolution? Bingo! [The Evening Bulletin]

• In the interest of fairness: The climate is crashing and global warming is to blame. Why the crisis hit so soon — and what we can do about it. I don’t think I’m all that nervous — I’ve stocked up on sunscreen — but it’s a good read nonetheless. [Time Magazine via Attytood]

• And two senators lied before the Supreme Court? Again, recent events cannot shock me any more. [Slate]