God Warns Us Of Impending Bolaris Return

Most of the month of December was spent with bees buzzing by our ears. (Well, it would have been were bees not suddenly all dead.) It was warm, and it gave us something to complain about. “Where’s all the snow?” “Global warming!” and so forth.

Well now we have something new to complain about: It’s too cold! (It’s also an easy topic for first-thing-in-the-morning blog posts.) The temperature today is around 20 degrees and it feels like negative 100. And I already got my John Bolaris joke out of the way, so let’s just move on.

HEFY? LOL! Brrrrr….

Remember just a little bit ago when I was making the annoying “boy it sure is unseasonably warm” post? Well, now it’s time for the “boy it sure is unseasonably cold” post!

My widget says it’s only 35 degrees out; it’s supposed to just be in the mid-40s today. Reports said there could be flurries north and west of the city today; yesterday it began snowing at the Phillies game. (It was the part of the game where the Phillies were getting killed. Oh wait!)

Uhh, so… that’s it for this annoying blog post about how cold it is. It’s good to know that, while bloggers do a nice job with the “boy it sure is cold” posts, the TV news stations really can’t be topped when it comes to weather coverage:

The cold, brisk weather continues today. Meanwhile, the next several mornings could be bad for your plants. There’s a HARD FREEZE WARNING in effect in New Jersey and Delaware early Friday, Saturday and possibly Sunday. The most dangerous time period is between about midnight and 9am.

HARD FREEZE WARNING. Sounds like an action movie.

April 6th, 2007 Forecast [Phillyweather.net]
Kicked By Cold Again [6 ABC]
March 27: OMG It Might Be 80 Degrees Today!

OHMIGODITSFREEZINGOUTSIDE

It’s, ahh, f-f-freezing outside today, and International Blogger Code (licensed via Creative Commons) insists I post over-the-top rhetoric about it as if it’s never, ever been cold in the history of mankind.

So, ah, it’s very cold today. Right now it’s 10 outside. Ten! I didn’t even know it was able to get that cold. And we’re going to remain pretty cold all week, as it won’t be above freezing again until the end of the week. Armageddon! Hell freezes over! Ahh, it’s cold!

Sadly, this cold spell comes too late for The Five Spot.

Temperatures Bottom Out [NBC 10]
Feb. 5, 2007 Forecast [Phillyweather.net]
Crews Demolish Old City Establishment One Day After Four-Alarm Fire [NBC 10]
Editor’s Note: Yes, the image is of a Stone Cold Steve Austin impersonator again.

AIYEEEEE IT’S FREEZING

Okay, now it’s time to panic and run to the food store and buy up all the hot chocolate and teabags. It’s freezing today. (At right: A photo of a Stone Cold Steve Austin impersonator.)

Currently, it’s 15 degrees outside, but the wind chill is making it feel like zero. Zero! The low this morning in Philly was 10 degrees; upstate it reached as low as negative 3.

Uh, so stay warm out there today. I think I’m going to walk around in a hermetically sealed, heated bubble.

Philadelphia [Weather.com]
Cold enough for ya? [Philly Weather]

It’s Cold. Yeah, In December. Why Is This News?

Cold Blast For Friday [PhillyWeather.net]
Photo by James Temple, licensed via Creative Commons

Die, Old Man Winter, Die

This post is going up just for selfish reasons. I’m just going to quote something from Philadelphia Weather to make myself feel better about my hair freezing on the way to work yesterday:

Coldest morning of the season. It should not be this cold tomorrow morning.

Phew. Warm up, please!

Cold enough for you? [Philadelphia Weather]