I’ve Already Ordered Three

44-pound stray cat bulges out of box [CNN.com]

Washington Pot Party

Hey, look at that! Right on the front page of CNN.com, a big story about decriminalizing marijuana at the federal level. I wrote a column about this a while back.

Update: Hey, look, the government sent three people to the presser to complain!

Breaking News From CNN

This is from earlier today. Apparently the Pelican is a supporter of Barack Obama, and said some inflammatory things.

CNN Breaking News [Something Awful Forums]

CNN Has Nothing To Report On

The Internet was abuzz yesterday over the photo at right (click to enlarge), which shows a naked woman in Dick Cheney’s sunglasses! Well, okay, it doesn’t, it’s clearly a fishing rod, and everyone was sorta just joking around about it. (The post I first saw it on even made that point.)

But no matter! This morning CNN picked up the story and ran with it, saying the blogosphere was abuzz over the photo — and even running a poll about it! The poll, incidentally, was tied; the anchors than proceeded to read viewers’ bad jokes on the air. Video after the jump.

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CNN Runs Out Of Questions To Ask

This is basically the equivalent of asking: “If you could be King of Mexico, what kind of crown would you want?” It’s a question with exactly zero relevance to anyone reading CNN.com. And just because Miles O’Brien likes boring ol’ space doesn’t mean I want to hear anything about it. Wake me up when we go back to the fucking moon.

On the plus side, at least Ron Paul won’t be winning this Internet poll. It’ll be the first one he hasn’t won in months.

CNN.com
Holy Shit, Man Walks On Fucking Moon [The Onion]

Nora Fanbase Growing To Barbaroesque Proportions

Currently the top video on CNN.com is, of course, Nora, the piano-playing cat. But it’s not just the same old video, no: CNN’s video clip — from American Morning — is the world broadcast premiere of Nora’s new video! (This is similar to, say, when TNT says it has the world cable premiere of Walking Tall or something.)

I’m not quite sure why this is the top video on CNN — the start of the new video is kinda cute — but I can be sure that when this cat dies, it’ll be just like Barbaro: There will be tribute pages, online vigils and some sort of benefit single (perhaps performed by other musical cats). Please, keep this cat away from the Menu Foods cat food. Then again, there’s always the chance Nora’s other talent is immortality.

Archives: Nora, The Piano-Playing Cat

Abnormally-Large Plane To Fly, Land

Okay, advance warning: If this is the big news so far today, I’m pretty sure the rest of this day is going to be pretty slow.

But, yeah, I clicked through to read it, too.

Plane as wide as football field to land in New York [AP/CNN.com]

CNN Accidentally Running Special From 1991

Yes, how are they getting away with it! How dare they make music and then attempt to sell their creation to people! POISON, I say, POISON! I can’t wait for CNN’s special about pogs. Could metal slammers hurt our children’s eyes? How are these manufacturers getting away with it?!

Actually, I do have a question: How can CNN get away with putting this crap on the air? Shouldn’t they be out of business? Oh, wait. CNN’s competitors are Fox News and MSNBC. Now I understand.

CNN Covers Death Of Beloved ‘Playboy’ Bunny With Less Respect Than Barbaro

Ouch.

Anna Nicole Smith dead [CNN.com]

If You Ever Wanted To See Stephen A. Smith Outdebate A Pulitzer Prize Winner And Some Idiot Blogger, Now Is Your Chance

Holy shit. Are sports commentators really that much better than regular commentators? I think my world just flipped upside down.