Philadelphia To Soon Be Free Of Thetans (Or Whatever)

As you may have heard, the Church of Scientology recently purchased a 15-story building on Chestnut Street along with a former toy store in order to expand in the City of Brotherly Love. (One can only wait until the first Scientologist member of the Philadelphia Phillies arrives; the Phils train in Clearwater, Fla., world headquarters of Scientology.)

Just like Christians believe a Jewish carpenter 2,000 years ago was the Messiah and Jews believe they’re the Chosen People of God™ and Hindus believe widows should be shunned and Muslims believe in predestination and a lack of free will, Scientologists believe Xenu came to Earth 75 million years ago with a bunch of humans, who he then blew up with hydrogen bombs, and their spirits harass humans to this day, and Scientology can get rid of them.

Fortunately for Scientology, and unfortunately for other religions, the religion has a group of high-powered lawyers. All hail Xenu! Or, uh, boooo, Xenu! Whichever one is right! Boooo psychiatry! How dare it attempt to help people through science instead of science fiction!

And, of course, this new building will cost the city money:

Property taxes for 2007 on the Chestnut Street parcels were $56,195, according to city records. But if the acquisition is deemed to be a house of worship, it will be exempted from taxes. The church does not pay tax on its headquarters at 1315 Race St., which it bought for $325,000 in 1979.

Eh, at least it’s not another dollar store.

Church of Scientology buys site in Center City [Inquirer]
Shunned from society, widows flock to city to die [CNN.com]

Leftovers: With Only Oblique References To The Phillies Game

• Oh, yeah: Leave it to conservatives to protest Daylight Savings Time, as we’re not sure how much energy we save and wah wah wah. I knew I’d find an example of someone arguing against DST. [National Review Online]

• Oh. My. God. A bag. of. Puppies. I want to work at a store that sells bags of puppies. [Cute Overload]

• Even if you had a television in New York today, you still probably missed large portions of the Mets game. See, it could be worse: Your team could suck and you wouldn’t get to watch. [Deadspin]

• Not only is Chestnut Street not a dump anymore, but “the whole street is popping.” Ohh, okay. I think. [Inky]

• Apparently, the books of the effin’ Hero Scholarship have to be looked into. That seems like a good way to end the day. [The Evening Bulletin]

Blogicized: Villanowhere

• Villanova has gotten $100,000 from the EPA in hopes that the school can “identify ways to better manage how prescription and non-prescription pharmaceuticals are discarded from university dormitories.” One hundred thousand dollars. For that money, you could give 100 people without healthcare enough money to at least buy a little. Or you could burn 100,000 one dollar bills. Either way, it seems about as useful. [The Trouble With Spikol]

• Filling the former Today’s Man spot on Chestnut Street is Loehmann’s, who has signed a 10 year, $5 million deal. [America's Hometown]

• Huzzah! It’s nice to see a local soldier getting home okay, especially nowadays. [Grizzly Mama]

• Effin’ A. Philabuster rocks out to Mozart on his 250th. [Badminton Stamps]

Chestnut Street to allow right turns, nothing to change

In what is clearly the biggest news of the day, City Council is planning on soon allowing drivers to turn right on Chestnut Street.

The strange rule banning right hand turns on the street dates to the late 1990s, when the ban on all traffic except buses was lifted. The right line was still designated bus only, which the federal government required in order to give the city $800,000.

I know it’s legal and all to place restrictions on federal money, but this sort of seems like the most confusing, weird requirement for money I’ve heard. (Well, it makes a little more sense than the highway funds-tied-to-21-as-the-drinking-age one, but still.)

The city lost the federal money when City Council lifted the right turn ban from Broad to Sixth in 2002, which means right now the ban on right turns is only from 18th to 15th.

Anyway, the right lane will remain bus only, but right turns will be allowed, which leads to some interesting questions about how that’s possible, but, really: does this really matter? Everyone turns right on Chestnut Street anyway. Heck, you probably did it today.

Chestnut St. right-turn ban may end [Inky]