Keeping Mum In Important Situations

“We’ve been asked not to the speak to the press,” he said.

Ooh, what juicy story is this about?

Oh.

And on the hit list is the Starbucks kiosk at the Cherry Hill Mall. Employees, so-called “baristas,” were given notice on Friday.

Yes, the public shall never know why this particular mall kiosk closed. There is some hope, though; if only a Cherry Hill Starbucks version of Deep Throat were to emerge.

What’s also great about this Inquirer article is how “Pennsylvania has dodged the bullet” since no Starbucks are closing here — yet. I think I’m going to faint.

Bad news brewing; S.J. Starbucks to close [Inquirer]

Giant Chain Restaurant Devours Cherry Hill

Do you like chain restaurants? Well, then do I have a story for you: Houlihan’s has relocated from its mall location and now has a 10,000-square foot restaurant in Cherry Hill somewhere along Route 70. (I assume it hasn’t demolished the turnpike like in my example map, but who knows?)

The Camden Courier-Post’s article about the new Houlihan’s clocks in at a robust 935 words — and it does note the 460-seat location (the largest Houlihan’s in the country!) serves Flying Fish. And guess what else there is? Downright wacky memorabilia!

The decor is heavy on dark woods and comfy upholstered booths. Accessories, many brought over from the mall location, include such nostalgia staples as vintage signs, a Taittinger poster featuring a luminous Grace Kelly and a wall devoted to Marilyn Monroe memorabilia.

“All our stores have a wall like that, even though Houlihan’s was after Marilyn Monroe’s time,” Stennie said. [...] With the acquisition of the Cherry Hill operation, ACE now owns all the Houlihan’s on Long Island and in New Jersey, fulfilling what franchise president Arnie Runestad said was a five-year quest.

I cannot wait ’til the movie version of this five-year quest makes it to the big screen.

Houlihan’s serves up new site [Courier-Post]

Get Off My Lawn, Valedictorians

Aw, it’s time for Cherry Hill West to graduate. Congrats, kids! Now who’s the Valedictorian? Wait, what’s that?

If you’re going to Cherry Hill High School West’s graduation ceremony today, you might want to bring a midnight snack.

A record-setting six valedictorians will be making speeches.

Six valedictorians? Well that would certainly have ruined one of the plots in the last episode of Saved by the Bell. I hope all the schools’ athletes were named Most Valued Player as well.

Big send-off for C.H. West Class of 2008 [Courier-Post]

In Other News, I’m 7 Years Old

I don’t even want to know.

Cherry Hill might require butt receptacles [Camden Courier-Post]

Fix My Car Or I’ll Put Up Magnetic Signs!

When I was in high school, I used to drive by this couple almost every day that would stand out front of a store with sandwichboards on, urging people not to shop there. “Refund my $500, Andalusia Television,” the one sign said (something like that, at least). “Don’t shop at Andalusia TV,” read the other. I can only assume that, unless Andalusia TV refunded their $500, the old couple is still there, still asking for $500, still urging people not to get their TVs repaired — if people still do, indeed, get their televisions repaired — at Andalusia TV.

Point is, people go a little over-the-top when they think somebody cheated them out of money. Such is the case with Jim Broomell, who hates Cherry Hill Dodge so much he’s affixed magnetic signs on his truck saying “Cherry Hill Dodge Sucks.” He even has a website dedicated to hating Cherry Hill Dodge, available at the easy-to-remember URL cherryhilltriplexscrewedmesuedmeandlost.com.

And, indeed, Cherry Hill Dodge — aka Cherry Hill Triplex — did sue Jim Broomell for putting those signs on the side of his truck, and did indeed lose after the lawsuit was thrown out on a technicality.

The story, recounted with more patience that I’d be able to muster by the Inky’s Troy Graham, goes like this: Broomell bought a used truck, which faltered. Broomell filed a lemon-law suit and got a nice warranty out of it. When he took it to Cherry Hill Dodge, they refused to work on it. He then sued, but the case was later thrown out.

Cherry Hill Dodge’s lawyer says Broomell was “yelling and screaming at people”, they were tired of dealing with him, so they didn’t work on his car. But after his lawsuit was thrown out, he put the magnetic stickers on his truck — and then the dealership sued him, accusing him of hurting the business with his signs.

Now that the case has been thrown out, Broomell is considering suing them again, this time for court costs, about $500. (He’s been acting as his own lawyer.)

Here’s Broomell’s summary on his website:

I bought a truck there with a warranty. I had problems with the truck shaking at 60+ mph. I took it to “my selling dealer” while it was under warranty. The mechanics at Cherry Hill Triplex couldn’t figure out what was wrong with the truck so Cherry Hill Triplex told me they were not going to work on it anymore. I told them I would drive around with these signs if they didn’t fix it! So I did, as well as told my story to several websites. Cherry Hill Triplex responded by suing me - a customer of theirs! I represented myself against their big corporate firm Capehart and Scatchard. In fact, the opposing attorney, Laura Ruccolo, was rated one of “SJ’s Top Attorneys” on page 41 of the August issue of SJ Magazine. (Editor’s Note: Sounds like someone doesn’t understand how those “South Jersey’s Top Attorneys” promotions work!)

Ahh, yes, the old “fix my car or I’ll put big giant magnetic signs on my truck” angle. Well, hey, I suppose it worked, though I can’t fathom getting upset enough about anything to put signs on my car about it. But, hey, that’s why I’m an amused observer of this saga rather than a participant. Keep it up, Jim! Maybe you can lease out the rest of your truck to other people who hate certain businesses. You could be a one-man traveling hate machine! Think about it.

Needless to say, he also started his own Google Group called “Cherry Hill Triplex Sucks.”

The Internet as battleground of free speech [Inquirer]
cherryhilltriplexscrewedmesuedmeandlost.com

Smut Lands Strong Right Hook On Cherry Hill

Cherry Hill’s heroic fight against smut appears to have hit a snag yesterday, as the town’s council approved four zones in town where adult businesses can legally be located.

The dispute started when an adult video store was slated to open on Route 70. Neighbors who live near to Route 70 didn’t want it there, so they complained until porn shops were pretty much banned from any spot in the city. This is against the constitution, and the adult video store owner Jim Restaino sued, and so yesterday the four zones where an adult biz can be located were created. And now the people who live near those four zones are pissed.

They’re so pissed, they’ve made the awesome graphics you see above.

And at least one person is asking, well, why can’t it just be on Route 70 after all:

Alexius Steinman said Restaino should be allowed to open his Romantic Video & Boutique at the Route 70 location. “By putting it in a safe area, you’re going to attract safe clientele,” said Steinman. Steinman, who frequents Restaino’s Mount Laurel location, described the store as “very clean, very tidy, well lit and well staffed,” which makes female customers such as herself and other responsible adults who like to experiment sexually feel comfortable. Put these stores in industrial parks and on back roads and the result will be less desirable people, she said before the meeting.

Ahh, constitutional freedom to experiment sexually. God Bless America. Now when are the Cherry Hill residents going to open up that website taking photos of all the adult video store’s customers? I’d like to get on it.

Council approves porn zone ordinance [Camden Courier-Post]
Archives: Cherry Hill vs. Smut

An Eloquent Silence

The Inquirer’s Jan Hefler and Toni Callas have an article today about a possible grade-changing scandal at Cherry Hill High School East. The Inky sez the investigation centers on a senior who obtained a “privileged password” — true story: at my high school, the basketball coach’s password was “basketball” — and changed the grades of five students in exchange for money.

School officials, though, aren’t quite so forthcoming. All of these are sentences from the article:

• Police Lt. Bill Kushina said the investigation remained active. No arrests had been made, he said, declining to elaborate.
• “The district is currently investigating allegations of limited inappropriate use of technology,” school district spokeswoman Susan Bastnagel said. “No other information will be shared about these allegations until the investigation is complete.”
• The school superintendent would not comment.
• Anne Einhorn, vice president of the Board of Education, said school district and high school administrators were investigating allegations, but she would not elaborate.
• Other officials also acknowledged that there was a probe, but would not discuss it.

No comment.

High school hacking, grade changing probed [Inquirer]

Leftovers: Philly, By Way Of Bristol

• The New York Times did a little travel piece on Philadelphia in yesterday’s issue; here’s the article and the corresponding video. Your job as a Philadelphian is to read these articles and get unnecessarily angry at something the Times wrote or filmed. Best part of the video: When Philly’s status as an “art city” is spoken about, the Dirty Frank’s mural is shown. [NYT]

• Ahh, yes, it’s Cyber Monday, the day when Internet businesses tell us that today is the day when everyone shops online and the news media follows suit with a billion stories about how everyone is shopping! Online! Whee! [KYW 1060]

• Wilkes-Barre: Not in the Poconos. The town’s residents sure to love legalized gambling, though! [Daily News]

• The longtime mayor of Bath, Pennsylvania, has been arrested for stealing $9k from the Roman Catholic church she was secretary of. To toss her out of office would be like throwing the baby out.. oh, nevermind. [AP/6 ABC]

• The Willow Grove Mall was evacuated Saturday after a fire started in a women’s clothing store on the third floor. No one was hurt, but 10 pairs of Steve Maddens were not so lucky. [Doylestown Intelligencer]

• Cherry Hill’s township council has canceled a vote concerning some sort of new porn shop ordinance. Gasp! What exciting turn will this story take next? [Camden Courier-Post]

• Update, 5:50 p.m.: The Phillies have signed free agent pitcher Adam Eaton to a three-year deal worth around eight mil a year, or one million per earned run he’ll give up per nine innings this season with the Phils’ luck. [ESPN.com]

News Media Can’t Resist Being Pigheaded

On Sunday, Alene Ammond got a pig’s head on her porch, presumably in retaliation for nothing. And yesterday, the media pounced, as all three local TV stations reported on her and she was linked on Drudge Report. (Why is this a big deal, anyway? It’s not like they’re going: “Ooh, she was mentioned on Drudge! Let’s write about it in the Inquirer!” Wait.)

This is all recapped in an Inquirer article today about the subject, quoting Ammond: “When I want to make national news about important things, I can’t. But a pig’s head is left at my house and I get it.” Well, now she knows how to get attention when she wants to stop Cherry Hill’s new porn shop or make fun of the mayor or something.

Ammond is playing this as retaliation to her career of complaining, citing that it could be any number of the people in the community furious at her criticism! She also says it could be a hate crime. Erhm.

But why a pig’s head? What does it mean? Inquirer reporter Edward Colimore attempts to explain the mystery:

In the meantime, the decapitation has been the talk of the town. Ammond and others wondered about possible motives and symbolism behind it. One theory was offered by J.T. Barbarese, an assistant professor of English at Rutgers University-Camden, who thought it might refer to William Golding’s Lord of the Flies - “a novel many read when they’re eighth or ninth grade. There, you have boys who degenerate over time [on an isolated island]. A pig is killed and its head - placed on a stake - represents the authority of evil.”

Man, that’s some deep symbolism. Let’s hope whoever did the prank hasn’t read The Spanish Tragedy. Not that I buy the Lord of the Flies comparison. More likely it’s an elaborate promotion for the Lehigh Valley IronPigs.

Pig’s head brings on a media frenzy [Inquirer]
Pig’s Head Thrown On Local Activist’s Porch [NBC 10]
Yesterday: And You Know A Horse Head In The Bed Is Next

And You Know A Horse Head In The Bed Is Next

Cherry Hill activist Alene Ammond — i.e. I think activist here refers to “complainer,” but let’s continue — was sitting at home celebrating her granddaughter’s birthday when she went outside to find… a hog’s head on her porch.

The former state senator and unsuccessful candidate for Cherry Hill mayor in 2002 is a frequent critic of Cherry Hill and Camden County officials. (She’s one of the people taking on smut in the epic battle of Cherry Hill vs. Smut.) She said the hog’s head “could be some form of retaliation.” One must assume it’s for retaliation to stealing the other school’s mascot or toilet papering their gym.

More »