Keeping Mum In Important Situations

“We’ve been asked not to the speak to the press,” he said.

Ooh, what juicy story is this about?

Oh.

And on the hit list is the Starbucks kiosk at the Cherry Hill Mall. Employees, so-called “baristas,” were given notice on Friday.

Yes, the public shall never know why this particular mall kiosk closed. There is some hope, though; if only a Cherry Hill Starbucks version of Deep Throat were to emerge.

What’s also great about this Inquirer article is how “Pennsylvania has dodged the bullet” since no Starbucks are closing here — yet. I think I’m going to faint.

Bad news brewing; S.J. Starbucks to close [Inquirer]

There Will Soon Be An Apple Store 20 Minutes From Center City

While Center City remains served only by Springboard Media and Bundy Typewriter, the Cherry Hill Mall will have its very own Apple Store starting March 29. It is roughly 20 minutes away. Here’s info from Apple; the first 1000 nerds in attendance get a free t-shirt on opening day at 10 a.m.

You may complain in the comments about the lack of an Apple Store in Center City or trade conspiracy theories as to why there isn’t one. I heard it’s the Pitcairn monster’s fault.

More »

The Mall Is Not Safe, People

Just before Christmas last year, Elaine Cesaretti was robbed while in the parking lot at Cherry Hill Mall. On Friday, she filed a lawsuit against the mall’s owner. (This kind of stuff is so common even I’m sick of the “wait for it” line.)

What makes the lawsuit a bit more exciting is the list Cesaretti’s lawyer filed with the lawsuit. An open records act — we don’t, uh, have things like that in Pennsylvania¹ — led to this:

Attached to the lawsuit is a 25-page report listing 3,209 responses to the Cherry Hill Mall between Jan. 4, 2004 and Jan. 9, 2007. [...] Reported crimes at the mall range from stolen motor vehicles, shoplifting and purse snatchings to aggravated assault, armed robbery and vandalism.

With about 10 million visitors to the Cherry Hill Mall each year, the crime report “equates to an average of more than two reported crimes a day,” according to the lawsuit.

Geeze, who knew the mall was such a dangerous place? I think I’ll take my chances at Franklin Mills, thank you very much.

¹ Nor can we purchase our liquor from anyone but the state.

Woman sues Cherry Hill Mall in assault, robbery [Camden Courier-Post]