Dennis Kucinich Finishes Second!

Noted UFO enthusiast, presidential candidate and little person Dennis Kucinich isn’t expected to make much of a showing in Iowa tonight. (Did you hear? We’re electin’ a president already!)

In the latest poll, Kucinich is at 1 percent. To put it in perspective, on the Republican side, Ron Paul polls at 10 percent.

He doesn’t have that much to fear, though. In a caucus of kids at Central High School, little Dennis finished second! Barack Obama won the caucus, which KYW 1060 reported by getting quotes like, “So it’s interesting to note Hillary’s slippage among potential voters here at Central and how that’s going to play out across the rest of the nation.” Okay.

Joe Biden finished third place, which is pretty much even funnier than Kucinich finishing second.

Ira Einhorn: I Invented The Internet

Way back before he killed Holly Maddux and even before he helped found Earth Day, Ira Einhorn graduated from Central High School in 1957. Since he’s in prison now, he couldn’t attend the recent 50th reunion, but he did have a brief autobiography in the program.

Einhorn, 67, listed his address as Houtzdale, Pa., where, after 20 years on the lam, he is a lifetime guest of the commonwealth for murdering girlfriend Holly Maddux in 1977.

Einhorn does not mention Maddux in his Central High bio. He does say that he left the money economy in 1963, “creating a lifestyle based on information transfer.”

He credits himself with “creating an international information network under the auspices of Bell of Pa. and AT&T . . . called the ‘Internet before the Internet’ that reached into 27 countries . . .”

On his long list of accomplishments, Einhorn mentions the murder this way: “My inadvertent involvement in intelligence matters regarding the work of Tesla and Yugoslavia led to my being framed for a murder I did not commit.”

Wow, who knows what Ira Einhorn could have done if he hadn’t murdered someone. We might have flying cars!

Clout | Central reunion: Ira sends his regrets [Daily News]

Philly Love #63: Central Girls Hoops

Almost every year, Central High School’s girls’ basketball team makes it to the public league championship. And every year, they have girls that look like this.

Seriously, what do they feed the girls at Central? It’s like this every year; girls who could not only kill me with one punch, but can do a pretty good job driving to the hoop as well! Did you see that one girl’s play? She’s, like, Charles Barkley but she can make a sweet spin move to the basket.

Perhaps this is why, even though I couldn’t watch a WNBA game if you paid me to, I always, without fail, enjoy both the boys’ and girls’ public league championship games every year. (Plus, there’s always some unintentional hilarity from announcer Don Tollefson.)