Billy Mays!

In case you’re wondering: Yes, that biggest celebrity of them all, infomercial salesman Billy Mays, is in Philadelphia right now. (Or was last night. I assume he hasn’t left yet.) Truly, we are in the presence of a legend. Now where are David Oreck and the Shamwow guy?

Idea for GPTMC: Get him to film a spot for the city while he’s here! “Hi, Billy Mays here for Philadelphia. Look, we have Betsy Ross’ original flag here in a wind tunnel and my Mighty Mend It has kept this colonial relic safe.” But then I guess they’d have to give out six nights of hotel stays for the price of one, so maybe it’s not the best idea.

[via Chrissmari, your number one source for Billy Mays news]

McCain, Candidate Of The Teenyboppers

Who is the celebrity candidate with all the adoring fans? Stop before you say Barack Obama. Some of McCain’s adoring fans lined up in York like it was 1999 and McCain was N’Sync.

First in line this morning were Beckie Rineholt of Jackson Township and Emily Saare of Red Lion, who said they woke at 4 a.m. to get good seats.

“We’re both supporters of McCain and we wanted to see him in person,” Rineholt said.

Both are 17 and will be voting in November for the first time.

(I’ll leave you to go find their Myspace photos; I deleted my account last week.)

Yes, that’s ol’ John McCain, attracting the teenyboppers from all parts of York County. Reinholt, the story notes, “said she thinks he is the candidate more likely to keep taxes down.” Exactly what taxes for jobs 18-year-olds have will John McCain be lowering in the near future?

Supporters arrive early to greet McCain [York Dispatch]

Alycia Lane Fan Pleads In Paper For Date

A letter in today’s Daily News from one Mark Anthony Vare, who currently has one Google result:

ANNE M. Ginsberg, I’m sad to read of your enmity toward Alycia Lane. She is naturally gorgeous and owes no one an apology.

She wasn’t on the entire front page due to her countenance. She was NEWS. And the DN is a NEWSpaper. (Not a tabloid scandal-sheet.)

The vast majority of us aren’t glamorous. Don’t toss-’n'-turn over it.

This is pretty much the best defense of celebrity coverage possible: These people are beautiful, and deserve to be covered!

I also urge you all to read the letter that prompted this response, along with the letters below it about Jim McGreevey molesting kids, why jury duty is awesome and why Barbaro sucks.

Alycia was news [DN]
Don’t let celeb drivel drive out real news [DN]

Questions Derived From NBC 10 Feature

Two questions, in order:

1. Does this guy really think he looks like Nicholas Cage?
2. Who would want to say they looked like Nicholas Cage?

Be sure to click through to find the woman who is the “Asian Reese Witherspoon.”

Celebrity look-alikes [NBC 10]

There Comes A Point Where It Isn’t Even Funny Anymore

Eh, we haven’t reached it yet. It’s still kinda funny.

K-Fed Triumphs In Pro Wrestling Debut [AP/NBC 10]
Spears Falls Asleep In Vegas Nightclub [AP/NBC 10]

Celebrities Agree: Lidle Crash Was Tragic, Sad

Last night on The Insider — that’s Pat O’Brien’s celebrity newsmagazine show that’s on CBS 3 here — the crew covered the Cory Lidle plane crash. (Uh, okay.) And who did they go to? That’s right, Joey Lawrence and Jerry Springer! Who were at the Dancing with the Stars results show!

The best comment, though, comes from Juliana Marguiles — who was at the Skin Care Foundation’s annual Skin Sense Award Gala, of course — who spends about a half-second expressing sympathy before launching into a rant about how she hopes this doesn’t bring more laws. What laws? Are they going to ban planes from crashing into buildings? Ban baseball players from flying planes?

Thanks, Insider!

Myers Gets (Gasp!) Nothing For Hitting Wife

Brett Myers was in Boston court today regarding charges he beat his wife on a Boston street corner back in June.

Myers’ wife, Kim, wants the charges dropped, but prosecutors want Myers to serve two years of probation, enter a program for spousal abusers and undergo alcohol abuse evaluation. Seems pretty reasonable, but nothing’s set in stone yet. Myers, though, was the hot item in court today:

Myers, an ace of the Phillies staff, finished the season 12-7 with a 3.91 ERA. He was treated as a celebrity Thursday by court officers, who shook his hand. One told him, “Good luck, it will be all right” while another said, “Nice seeing you again.”

If we see some Brett Myers autographed court dockets on eBay tomorrow, you’ll know where they came from.

Update, 2:48 p.m.: The charges against Myers have been dropped, dude to his wife’s wishes. And they lived happily ever after.

Wife of Phillies’ Myers wants case dropped [AP/Philly.com]
Archives: Brett Myers

Count on the former more than the latter

I have just the role! Herbie The Love Bug 2! It can’t miss.

The alterna-joke here was Freakier Friday.

Lohan Says She’d Do Nude Scene For Oscar [AP/NBC 10]

Blogicized: Tolling the bell, or a similar bad pun, &c.

• With David Bell getting older and less healthy, could he really be done? Maybe that’s why he always looks so sad. [Beerleaguer]

• If you pay your credit card bills too well, Homeland Security might need to know. [The 14th Windiest State]

• This Friday at the Kimmel: “You can’t tell me you’re going to miss Beethoven 7, Strauss Til and Carter & Lieberson??????” Well, are you??? [Kimmel Center Blog]

• Celebrities die; one man writes edgy funny obits. [Johnny Goodtimes]

• A Philadelphian is fighting obesity one Hadoken at a time. [Phillyist]