October’s Important Election

Noticed Philly.com’s Poll of the Day at the bottom of this Daniel Rubin column. Yes, Heckle and Jeckle are currently in last place, because they are from the 1940s.

Entering Pixelated Photoshops Portion Of Mayor’s Race

DWIGHT EVANS DISCUSSES FATTAH’S AGENDA FOR TAX INCREASES [The Next Mayor Release Archive]
I’m doing everything I can… and stop calling me Shirley [The Next Mayor Blog]

‘Bulletin’ Hates Blacks, Quakers, Realtors

In case you haven’t been paying attention — and, really, I hope you haven’t — about 15 Catholics in the city are in an uproar over the Tony Auth cartoon at right. The ‘toon ran as a commentary on the Supreme Court’s upholding of the partial-birth abortion ban.

Apparently, this cartoon is very offensive, because it says the five Catholic judges on the bench rule based on their Catholic morals. I thought this is what pro-life Catholics wanted judges to do, but apparently they don’t. Apparently Catholics are happier that the judges voted to uphold sound constitutional law than to uphold anti-abortion beliefs. Who knew?

Leading the charge against the Inquirer and its infidel cartoon is none other than The Evening Bulletin, which has run approximately 48 articles and letters about it in the past weeks. But none really did its job better than today’s column by James G. Wiles, which not only takes on Auth’s cartoon but black people, Quakers and liberals as well!

This one deserves — nay, implores — a full mocking. Join me after the jump.

More »

Undead John Perzel To Lower Taxes

An article in Sunday’s Inquirer detailed the disturbing Flash animation found on the taxpayer-funded state House Republican Caucus website. Oh, did I write “disturbing”? I meant “unintentionally hilarious.”

The animation, which you can view here, plays “Gonna Fly Now” — and I’m sure the state got all the proper licenses for that song, too! — and shows John Perzel jogging down the street. Only it’s not John Perzel, it’s Undead John Perzel, as his eyes are rolled completely up into the back of his head. (I assume The Undertaker taught him how to do it.)

After handing a “no taxes” paper to a cartoon couple, a totally jacked Undead Perzel weighs in. He’s followed by Ed “Fat Cat” Rendell — really, that’s how he’s labeled — who breaks the scale. Now, Hallwatch.org doesn’t include weight — come on, Goppelt! — but … oh, come on! John Perzel’s not in any great shape either. It’s as if Horatio Sanz were making fun of Butterbean for his weight.

Anyway, the two then proceed to fight — Undead Perzel has Arnold Schwarzenegger in his corner, inexplicably, while Rendell has John Kerry — and Undead Perzel wins the fight and rips up Rendell’s “higher taxes” proposal.

There’s no real explanation as to what this cartoon is actually trying to campaign for; Undead Perzel doesn’t face Rendell in any elections. After the Inquirer asked about the material, it was taken off the state GOP website and everyone apologized for wasting our money or something.

Me, I don’t really care. There’s only one thing our goverment does well, and that’s humor. You can’t get this kind of humor from the private sector. Really. Who but the government could come up with Undead John Perzel?

Watch the ad here
A tangled web at State House [Inquirer]

Laughing Your Way To The Election

Dan Savage — the man who redefined “santorum” — weighs in on Rick Santorum’s defeat:

But there’s a smidgen of credit I will take: I did help to make Rick Santorum into a national laughing stock—an international laughing stock (the new definition of “santorum” is known overseas)—with an invaluable assist from Rick Santorum, of course.

There’s a reason why monarchs and despots used to lock up political cartoonists and satirists. Being made to look ridiculous, being turned into the butt of a joke—that’s politically disempowering fairy dust. It’s hard to rule when you’re not taken seriously, and it’s hard to be taken seriously once you’ve been reduced to a punch line. Indeed, the power of satire should never be underestimated.

Absolutely. One-hundred percent agreement. I read somewhere once that the real tragedy for an American is not to die, but to become a laughingstock. (Some of us, like me, have decided to buck the system and simply become jokes early in our lives.)

So what am I trying to say here? Basically, the next time you read a stupid headline joke, don’t get angry. I’m merely trying to take down Boss Tweed.

Rick Santorum [The Slog via Philly Future]

Letter: Does The ‘Weekly Press’ Hate The Pope?

When they’re not fawning over women’s boobs, the Weekly Press is running anti-Catholic cartoons. Well, that’s according to one letter in this week’s Weekly Press:

The photo in the article, Who Would Jesus Bomb?(page 5), (7/05/06 -Weekly Press/UC Review) of the Pope being cast into hell by demons (Editor’s Note: That’s it over there.) — is an anti-Catholic propaganda piece which has been used throughout history in one form or another by American Protestant groups who have traditionally viewed the Roman Catholic church as the AntiChrist or the Scarlet Woman of Babylon from the book of Revelation. This would be quaint except for the fact that there still exists a lively strain of anti-Catholicism in the American character as is evident by the outrageous charges of millenia-long conspiracies by Dan Brown in the “The DaVinci Code.” … Some hold that if the Church doesn’t agree 100 percent with their positions then they deserve the vilification and venom of their constituency. In any case, the Church is the Big Guy and should be able to take it, right? (a Limbaugh-esque rationalization if I ever heard one.) [...]

While the left would find it abhorrent to be against immigrants, yet it is acceptable, even fashionable, to be anti-Catholic, which has traditionally been an immigrant church and, even today, advocates for the immigrant in the face of a xenophobic bourgeois culture. Since the writer appears to be a Muslim, I doubt whether she realizes the significance of the photo.

Though I would expect your editorial staff to be more critical in its use of obvious derogatory depictions.

Ohmigod! I just can’t wait for the new line of anti-Catholic propaganda to come out this year! It’s just so fashionable to wear. The new “Papist” handbags are just so cute!

After the jump, the Weekly Press‘ response, where they claim to be a bunch of know nothings! (Ho ho! Get it!)

More »

This Is A Sign Of The Apocalypse

Meet Irresistible Ella. She’s NBC 10’s website’s new virtual anchor.

No, really.

She’s a virtual news anchor. Named Irresistible Ella. Who is on the main page of “Irresistible News,” which is what NBC 10 calls the news oddities section of the website (stories like “Donkey Kong Runs Through Downtown Cleveland!”).

And, yes, she talks in the monotone female computer voice you’ve probably heard before. (This means someone’s writing her script, then it’s fed into a computer program that “speaks.” If you’ve ever had a program that does this, you’ve probably made it curse.)

In the current “report” on the website, she recaps Barry Bonds’ one home run this weekend and ends with “I’m Irresistible Ella reporting from Citizens Bank Park for NBC10.com.”

Pretty soon, I’m sure NBC 10’s going to start using her on television to cut down on costs. I mean, she’s pretty cute, right? NBC 10’s anchors better start updating her resumes.

Irresistible Headlines [NBC 10]

Blogicized: Feel The Burn

• Breaking! Breaking! Jane Fonda will be at the Penn bookstore on Thursday. That’s 4/20, too, so there will be probably be about at least 50 totally baked people in the audience. High-larious. [Metroblogging Philadelphia]

• The me-in-cartoon-form revolution continues with love for Jay’s work over at MyDD. Of course, I’m not sure what part “could have been taken from one of our blog posts.” Maybe a commenter joked about Weldon shooting Marty Moss-Coane or something. [MyDD]

• Sad news, as it’s rumored that Don Vito is in the hospital. Vito, of course, was the loveable uncle on the way-better-than-you’d-ever-expect-it-to-be Viva La Bame, which I’d agree was full of all the suburban Philadelphia goodness that I don’t know if you can get anywhere else. [Philebrity]

• Every time you start to dislike the Philadelphia Daily News, you can just look at the cluttered front pages of the New York Post and feel a little better that, at the very worst, at last our city’s tab is designed well. [SteveSilver.net]

• The Phillies departed this town 1-5, but now that they’re returning 5-7 — hey, it’s a little better, okay — after a nice road trip we can all be somewhat excited. Even better, yesterday was the first time in 888 games that a visiting team won 1-0 in homer happy Coors Field. [Beerleaguer]

Leftovers: Money For Nothing

• There are a slew of mayoral candidates are aren’t really “candidates” because they don’t yet want to adhere to the new strict fundraising guidelines: $2,500 for individuals and $10,000 for corporations. Still, since everyone knows they’re running for mayor (or planning to run), a lawsuit has been filed. Surely, this lawsuit will restore honesty and integrity to our political process! Or it will make lawyers some money. One of the two. [Inky]

• There’s a pillowfight in Love Park this Saturday. If you’re interested, get in on this before the city closes down the park, retools it to be unfriendly to pillowfighters and pisses off the huge ESPN Pillowfighting Games that happen to be taking place at the same time, thereby ruining any chances to have them here every year. [Phillyist]

• More children this year are dressing up for Easter. Unfortunately, they’re dressing up in suits and ties for mass, and not in some sort of fun bunny costumes. Alas. [KYW 1060]

• When they finally open slots parlors in Philadelphia — est. date of completion 2034 — who wants to be they’re old Atlantic City knockoffs that can’t accept the new $10 bill? In fact, if you want to bet that they’ll never have that or a similar problem, I’ll take you up on that offer. [AP/6 ABC]

• Finally, yes, that’s me making my debut in cartoon form in this week’s PW. Thanks to supercartoonist Jay Bevenour for realizing that, yes, if Curt Weldon were strangling a bunny and sitting on a puppy, I would be shocked and appalled. [PW]

Knight Ridder Bee-ing bought soon?

Yesterday was the deadline for the submission of bids for newspaper chain Knight Ridder, which is selling itself because, uhm, some company who bought a large stake in the company recently told them they should. And the frontrunner appears to be McClatchy, which is the owner of the Sacramento Bee, the Fresno Bee, &c., and has an annoying habit of naming its papers the [Something] Bee.

But wait! The (McClatchy-owned) Star-Tribune in Minneapolis says the likely winner is the McNews pairing of Gannett and MediaNews. And then, also, there’s the bid from Bain/Thomas H. Lee and a bunch of other private equity firms are also considering a buy.

Ugh… all of this makes my head spin. McClatchy is probably the best fit, since it’s headquartered in Sacramento, and already has the newspaper exec overhead, and could save a lot of money by slashing those jobs. That’s probably better for the journalism side, too, not that other people losing their jobs are going to feel good about it.

But, sadly, any scenario — one of the three buyers, or KR not selling at all — means that the Daily News is likely to close. That’s good for the freebie papers in town, I’d assume, but is bad for journalism and for the people over at 400 N. Broad and Philadelphia, since it’s currently the far more interesting paper of the two dailies. (Disclosure: It’s also bad for, uh, my dad, who works there.)

Let me submit a better way to save money: Get rid of FreeZee, the cartoon rapper on this post. I found him on an official Knight Ridder site. Here’s his story:

Rap star FreeZee’s hometown mansion could replace Goldenrod Elementary School that’s set to close because it’s old and unsafe. But to earn their new school, FreeZee sends the students on a cross-country scavenger hunt. As they follow FreeZee’s rap clues, they learn about their rights and roots, but if they get brain freeze, the hunt’s over and there’s no new school!

I have no idea what he teaches kids, but I bet he costs a lot.

Merrill Says McClatchy Most Likely Knight Ridder Winner [E&P]
Bain, Thomas H. Lee expected to bid for Knight Ridder newspaper group [Boston Business Journal]
Brain Freeze [Knight Ridder Productions]