Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Ronnie Polaneczky: “Ninety percent of the CEOs in the biggest American corporations didn’t go to Ivy League schools, while a number of notorious criminals - including Michael Milken and the Unabomber - sure did.” 100 percent of the good columnists in the world don’t work for the Daily News, while a number of the shittiest ones sure do. What, no Ira Einhorn reference? (Or: I know someone who will be playing the don’t-vote-for-Michael-Nutter because-he’s-smart-and-went-to-Penn and-would-do-a-good-job card in a few months!)

Carol Towarnicky: People should work!

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

John Baer: Will the investigation into why people were stranded for hours on a highway in Pennsylvania make anyone feel better? No, of course not. What a stupid question.

Carol Towarnicky: People might not vote for a candidate because he’s a Mormon! Don’t these people know the only people it’s acceptable to be biased against are atheists?

Jill Porter: When debating over a project for kids, don’t forget the kids!

Debbie Woodell: Hahaha Tim Hardaway.

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

Carol Towarnicky: I’m against torture.

Jill Porter: Dennis O’Brien loves guns. Or at least gun lobbyists.

John Baer: Ed Rendell actually works out.

Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

John Baer: New House Speaker Denny O’Brien sure is pro-kids with disabilities!

Phil Goldsmith: I sure do use my Blackberry a lot.

Carol Towarnicky: Remember that congressman who was going to be sworn in on the Koran, a radio host says, even though House members don’t actually get sworn in on any book? Yeah, that’s what this column is about.