Catholic Church Has Just As Bad Taste In Bars As Those Kids You Went To High School With

Last night, Cardinal Justin Rigali, the head of the Catholic Church here in Philadelphia, held a theology discussion at Finnegan’s Wake. Coincidentally, Finnegan’s Wake is pretty much my idea of hell.

The Cardinal has been holding these Thursday discussions at the bar during the summer and will be holding them until August 16. It’s apparently not a mass, so if you got excited about the idea of drinking some transubstantiated Coors Light, you’re out of luck.

Part of Rigali’s talk:

“If we’ve been forgiven by God and realize it, then you know what? It’s a whole new way of life. It’s a whole different attitude to other people. We are compassionate, we are merciful, we are forgiving.”

Actually, considering the amount of jerks at Finnegan’s Wake and similar bars, maybe this was a good place to go to teach forgiveness.

Local Bar Features Theology Lesson with Cardinal Rigali [KYW 1060]

City Council Wasting Its Fucking Time Once Again

Yesterday, City Council took time out not to come up with some new ban or regulation for a change, but did spend time debating a bill to declare Philadelphia officially “pro-choice.”

The vote, which went 9-8 in favor of the people with nothing better to do, has no legal standing and never will, since abortion wouldn’t really become a city-by-city issue. But, hey, there’s that Planned Parenthood in the Gayborhood, so if this city’s so pro-choice even gays are getting abortions, then who knows.

The bill was sponsored by Blondell Reynolds Brown, who you may remember as the City Council member who was reelected because a bunch of people voted for Ben Ramos instead of Juan Ramos since his ballot position was better. (Philadelphia is a pro-choice city, but only the idiots actually get born.)

But, oh, Frank DiCicco almost voted against it, but his vote for it was pretty much better anyway. The Inquirer article didn’t say he rolled his eyes, but, oh, it’s more fun if he did.

The proclamation came very close to failing. As the roll was called, Councilman Frank DiCicco paused for several moments, clearly agonizing over how to vote, before finally saying “aye.”

Cardinal Rigali immediately condemned the bill, and then went to Africa to tell people if they used condoms to prevent AIDS (and, uh, abortions) they would burn for all eternity.

Now Phila. is officially ‘pro-choice’ [Inquirer]

College Journalists Apologize For Expressing Free Speech, Saying Catholic Church Wants To Prevent AIDS

The student journalists at The Hawk are in trouble! In last week’s issue, the paper published its annual joke issue, The Squawk, which got them in a bit of hot water. And now, forced with an army of angry Jesuits, the paper has apologized for the joke issue. And university spokeswoman Harriet Goodheart told the Inquirer she couldnt’ say whether the students would be punished. (Sigh.)

Among the content people were offended: the president of St. Joe’s, the Rev. Timothy Lannon, endorsing condom use; an article saying the only St. Joe’s women’s basketball fan had been murdered; an article describing Cardinal Rigali as gay; and, of course, the comparison of Jesuits to Nazis.

That last one, obviously, is ridiculous. Everyone knows Jesuits are way more totalitarian than Nazis. But the paper’s Editor-in-Chief posted an apology to the St. Joe’s community, which prompted a commenter to respond with this: “This isn’t MadTV, folks. I hope everyone associated with this debacle learned something.” That’s right; Even if it was offensive, The Squawk might have actually made people laugh.

But the letters to the editor in this week’s Hawk shed some more light on the situation. Four seniors wrote an up-in-arms letter saying, “Plainly, it is inappropriate to attach the President’s name and photo to a condom ad.” Hey, that works for the president of St. Joe’s or of the United States!

The letter also revealed a few days ago someone (presumably from St. Joe’s) dumped a case of beer on Cardinal Rigali’s lawn. No word if the archbishop is a Natty Ice fan.

But the best letter comes from — who else — Tom Brennan, a Jesuit priest and English teacher, who proves that, well, maybe Jesuits aren’t much like Nazis after all:

Thank you for publishing last week’s Squawk. I laughed my head off at it. Of course, I imagine that some did not, but perhaps Geoffrey Chaucer’s lines from the “Prologue to The Miller’s Tale” are worth repeating: “And eek men shall nat make ernest of game” (l.78). (We teach Chaucer, by the way, in Texts and Contexts - one of our very canonical selections for that course.)

Preach on, father. And eek men shall not make ernest of game indeed.

College journalists apologize for satire [Inquirer]
St. Joe’s Apologizes for April Fool’s Parody [KYW 1060]
The Hawk apologizes for squawk content [The Hawk]
Letter: Squawk succeeds in amusing [The Hawk]
Letter: Parody paper not amusing [The Hawk]

Cardinal Has Knee Surgery, Inspires Barbaro-Like Fandom

Or we can all hope, at least.

Yes, the city’s highest Catholic leader is at home recovering from surgery, just like Barbaro. And… well, okay, that’s about it. Rigali won’t attract the same kind of attention as the horse, because he never won anybody any money on a trifecta. (Okay, Philly Park in ‘98. But that was kind of a fluke place by his holiness.)

Press release from the Archdiocese late last week:

CARDINAL RIGALI HAS KNEE SURGERY

Cardinal Justin Rigali, Archbishop of Philadelphia, underwent successful surgery on his right knee earlier this morning. The Cardinal has a torn meniscus. Dr. David Rubenstein performed the surgery at Lankenau Hospital in Wynnewood, Montgomery County. This was an outpatient, arthroscopic surgery. Cardinal Rigali returned to his residence several hours after the surgery and will work from home during his recovery. The Cardinal will resume his public appointments schedule on October 29, 2006.

Fortunately for Rigali, he won’t have a band of idiots tracking his every move like Barbaro. He will get a nice supply of healthy oats and regular walks around the yard, though.

Oct. 16: I Now Pronounce You Barbaro And Wife