Alycia Lane: The Police Report

Here’s a part of a deposition regarding Alycia Lane, who allegedly pulled a Jason Michaels Saturday night in New York City.

Deponent states that deponent was approaching an intoxicated male and directing said male to return to a Taxi when defendant placed a camera against deponent’s face. Deponent observed officer grab defendant’s arm (holding the camera) in an attempt to move it away from deponent’s face. Deponent states that defendant said in substance to officer: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHO YOU ARE I AM A REPORTER YOU FUCKING DYKE. Deponent further states that deponent observed defendant strike officer about the face. Deponent states that defendant’s strike caused officer to sustain two lacerations to officer’s face and caused swelling.”

That actually gives the reporter thing some context. It now reads more like: I’m taking photos in my capacity as a journalist, although I don’t think “I am a reporter, you fucking dyke!” is the best way to express that statement.

More »

Bob Brady Campaign Keyboard Is Stuck On Caps Lock

DON’T GIVE UP!!!!! HELP IS ON THE WAY!!!! OMG LOL!!!!!1111

Exclamation point [Flickr]

Sometimes, It Can Be Too Big

The following is an ad currently on Craigslist:

i HAVE A 3 FOOT AMERICAN ALLIGATOR ALWAYS HANDLED . HE’S JUST GETTING TO BIG FOR MY SPACE . IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED PLEASE LET ME KNOW

I just came up with a new personal rule: Don’t buy alligators from people who type in all caps.

AMERICAN ALLIGATOR [Craigslist]
Photo by Fritz Geller-Grimm, licensed via Creative Commons

ATTENTION FASHION HISTORY BUFFS

HELLO I AM HERE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS GREAT JOB OPPORTUNITY I JUST SAW ON CRAIGSLIST, PRINTED IN ITS ENTIRETY BELOW:

I AM LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO RESEARCH A SUBJECT FOR AN ARTICLE I WISH TO WRITE. I HAVE THE THESIS BUT NEED A RESEARCHER TO FIND THE EVIDENCE THAT SUPPORTS OR DENY’S MY THESIS.

THE RESEARCH WILL BE ON THE HISTORY OF THE FASHION INDUSTRY.

COMPENSATION WILL BE NEGOTIATED. I AM WILLING TO PAY FOR THE WORK A FAIR AMOUNT.

THIS ARTICLE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE PUBLISHED.

SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT LAST LINE ISN’T EXACTLY TRUE, BUT I CAN’T PUT MY FINGER ON WHY I FEEL THAT WAY.

RESEARCHER NEEDED FOR ARTICLE [Craigslist]