Phillyskyline Calendar Party Tonight

Well, well! Brad Maule of Phillyskyline is again selling a fantastic calendar this year; tonight is the annual party from 7-9 p.m. for it at Conspiracy Showroom (across from North Bowl), with free beer from Philadelphia Brewing Company and $15 calendars.

Brad has noted on his site that the Philadelphia calendar on sale at mall kiosks has outdated photos — no Comcast Center, even! — while his calendar is completely up-to-date. The cover even has an outline of the 7 billion foot tall American Commerce Center on it!

And, yes, it features birthdays of Philadelphia celebrities past and present (did you know Terry Gross and Marty Moss-Coane share the same birthday?!). In addition to famous people, it also features me for some reason. I told Brad this is really going to get all the kiddies excited.

Unfortunately, Ralph Modjeski gets top billing over yours truly, and also because he was born earlier. For those of you who don’t know, he designed both the Ben Franklin and Tacony-Palmyra bridges. In a startling coincidence, I designed the Burlington-Bristol Bridge. Wow!

Watch Out For The Gay Banditos

I touched on this earlier today, but I think it’s time to revisit Elmer Smith’s column about the calendar controversy in today’s Daily News.

For those of you who don’t know, parents were upset that this year’s official school district calendar labeled October “Gay & Lesbian History Month.” And at a meeting of the school reform commission earlier this week, parents compared gays to pedophiles and booed lesbian students who spoke.

In his column, Smith wrote:

Gay-rights activists need to understand that parents who have their children’s best interests at heart will and should discourage the adoption of a lifestyle that is fraught with danger.

No, it is not fair to ostracize or victimize gays.

But that is the harsh reality gay and lesbian people face on a daily basis. Good parents try to shelter their children from those harsh realities.

You see, by putting Gay & Lesbian History Month on the calendar, the district could make parents be mean to gays. And that’s what gays need to know! That gays are fraught with danger because… parents could be mean to them! And parents could be mean to them because of Gay & Lesbian History month is on the calendar! And… I’m going to stop this perpetual motion argument before my head explodes.

But the key argument in Smith’s column is this:

I don’t believe putting Gay and Lesbian History Month on the calendar promotes homosexuality. But as gay-rights activists become increasingly militant, it’s easy to understand parents’ concerns.

What does that mean? No, seriously. What does that mean? What is a militant gay-rights activist? Someone who makes you have gay sex? Is he alleging that said “gay banditos” as quipped by Lewis Black in his recent comedy special actually exist?

Yeah. I don’t know. Perhaps Smith is right, and the parents have a right to be concerned because having the words “Gay & Lesbian History Month” on the calendar could cause militant gay and lesbian activists to turn students gay. Or maybe he’s just too chickenshit to call bigots out for being bigots.

I don’t know. In the meantime, I’m keeping my ass firmly glued shut, lest the militant gay people take my anal cherry.

Elmer Smith | What the gay -lesbian issue is - and isn’t [Daily News]
Lewis Black - Gay Banditos [YouTube]

Words On Calendar Continue To Upset Morons, Bigots

Yesterday was the meeting of the School Reform Commission. It’s usually a banal affair — I mean, I guess — where bureacrats sit around and discuss things. (Again, I guess.) But yesterday was absolutely amazing, depressing and hilarious all in one shot.

You see, the school district released calendars this year that identified October as Gay & Lesbian History Month. Oh no! The horror!

Of course, not everyone was saying, “Oh no! The horror!” in a sarcastic way. Many parents were upset. One monther threatened to pull her child out of school for this month, lest she learn tolerance. (Nevermind that the school had no plans for Gay History Month — no gay sex orgies, no Celine Dion concerts — and that it was just a sentence on a calendar.) Last night at the SRC meeting, noted bigots and assholes came out of the woodwork:

“I am requesting that you rescind this gay and lesbian pride month. Issue new calendars for October and call this month anti-violence month, reading month,” said Ann Martin, a grandparent and ex- school district employee.

“Shame on you. Shame on you,” she said, shouting at the school officials. “It’s never too late to right a wrong. What were you thinking?”

Robert Gray, of the African American Freedom and Reconstruction League, stood as his wife read his statement: “The children aren’t taught to read, write and master life-survival skills. However, our children are being taught gender preference. This is totally unacceptable.”

Geeze. I know the Philly schools aren’t the best in the world, but I’m pretty sure they’re taught how to read.

The Inquirer, however, has the best quote of all:

“Fornication pride month? Pedophile pride month?” quipped Rashad Faheem Shabazz.

For… fornication pride month? Uhh, YES! That’s it! Next month is Fornication Pride Month, and we’ll be celebrating it all month here on Philadelphia Will Do. I, honestly, cannot wait. We’ll honor famous fornicators! (Statesman Ben Franklin, porn actress Jenna Jameson, etc.) We’ll offer sex tips! We’ll make fun of Rashad Faheem Shabazz!

November can’t come soon enough.

Despite furor, schools back gay history month [Inquirer]
Both sides bare feelings over gay history mention [Daily News]
Sept. 28: Also: Children Of Felons To Be Pulled Out Of School During Non-Violence Month

Also: Children Of Felons To Be Pulled Out Of School During Non-Violence Month

The backlash continues! Two days after the Daily News wrote about parents upset about October being declared “Gay & Lesbian History Month” on school calendars, the Inquirer picks up the ball and runs with it, finding even more parents who are upset at something printed on a school calendar. (NBC 10 also chimed in Tuesday with actual images of the calendar in question!)

The Inky reports that about 120 people have complained about a simple line on a calendar. Usually, the district only gets calls from unfunny oppressed middle class white people who ask why there’s a black history month but not a white male history month. (Ho ho!)

And one woman is going as far to protest a sentence on a calendar that she’s doing this:

An irate Senita Watson went to school district headquarters yesterday to find out how she could homeschool her daughter for the month of October. She won’t let her 7-year-old second grader attend Emlen School during that period, she said.

“How can you celebrate gay and lesbian month? What are you going to teach my daughter?” asked Watson, who said she was calling on other parents to boycott the district in October. “They need to have a nonviolence month, not a gay and lesbian month… Our children have enough to worry about with drugs.”

Indeed! It is a requirement of LGBT History Month that we all go around and do drugs and have sex with people of the same gender. Watson’s curriculum for her October homeschooling includes the following:

• Math (1 calendar + 1 gay month = 0 days of school in October for her daughter!)
• Nonviolence, except against gays
• English (except for Oscar Wilde, Gore Vidal, etc.)
• DARE

It should be an exciting month!

Gay history month sparks district debate [Inquirer]
Nod to Gay Month irks some parents [Daily News]
Images Of Controversial Gay History Calendar