Why Eagles Training Camp Sucks

Every year in late July, a group of millionaires known collectively as the Philadelphia Eagles head up the Northeast Extension in their giant custom SUVs, hyperbaric chambers strapped to the top. The destination: Lehigh University, in Bethlehem, Pa., birthplace of Jesus and home of Eagles training camp. Well, actually, it’s Lehigh’s “Murray H. Goodman Campus,” which is like 40 towns over from where all the academic buildings are.

Almost every year, the mood going into training camp is kind of sour. A player or two is holding out (this year, it’s Shawn Andrews for unknown personal reasons) and a bunch of players are unhappy with their contracts even though they’re not holding out.

The only reports from training camp that grab anyone’s attention are injuries; there’s not much fan interest in who’s going to end up the right gunner on punt coverage and there’s really not that much writers can do besides describe the day’s big hits over and over.

The only good news out of camp is, then, silence. But, no: Tons of players get hurt every year at camp. Victor Abiamiri has a broken hand, free agent signing Asante Samuel has a strained hamstring and Chris Clemons had to be rushed to the hospital today.

I scream at the TV screen whenever Charlie Manuel bunts with a perfectly good hitter in a stupid spot in May. By August, I can barely handle them. I can’t take six weeks of training camp injury reports with the only real news being updates on the “important” fullback battle. Oh, boy! Another whole month of this.

Image by texas_mustang, Creative Commons license

Have It Your Way (If ‘Your Way’ Means ‘With A Mouse’)

Noted gourmet restaurant chain Burger King recently had a little problem at a location in Montgomery County. It seems a customer at a BK in Abington was sitting there, enjoying his whopper, when suddenly he spotted two mice near his table.

The mice — we’ll call them Mickey and Minnie — were running around, stealing whoppers, eating French fries, drinking milkshakes, ordering kids’ meals. Or they were just skittering around in the dining area. A health inspector stopped by and decided the restaurant should stay open.

An inspector did find mice in the dining area, but:”The inspector did not see mice in the food preparation area.”

Health Department spokeswoman Harriet Morton says because no imminent health threat was found, the restaurant was allowed to remain open.

The mice are now gone, so you can now enjoy disgusting fast food without disgusting critters running around your feet. Hooray!

Local Burger King Allowed to Stay Open After Mouse Found [KYW 1060]

The King Rides Again

Everyone can stop writing now. There is a winner in the competition for Best Sentence Ever in the English Language, and it is this one, in an article about the new Burger King Xbox games:

Pocketbike Racer will feature a number of Burger King mascots, including the King, the Subservient Chicken, the Whopper Jr., and former host of E!’s Wild On series, Brooke Burke.

Please note that there are three Burger King Xbox games, including Sneak King, a Grand Theft Auto-style game where you play as The King and sneak up on people to give them whoppers. All three went on sale Sunday.

Sometimes humanity makes you just sit up and smile.

Burger King orders up Xbox games [Gamespot]
Aug. 29: Someone Who Has A Bigger Head That T.O.

Someone Who Has A Bigger Head Than T.O.

Yeah, I know, it’s an ad. And ad for an effing fast food joint at that. But, really, anything that pokes fun at Terrell Owens’ agent (and that infamous T.O. press conference last year) is worth watching.

Long live the King!

The Daily News has a story today about the rise in robberies of fast food joints over the past few months. (According to the article, 15 since September.)

The description of a Nov. 14 robbery at Burger King deserves some special consideration, however:

About 4 p.m. the same day, an armed man jumped the counter at the Burger King at Erie Avenue and Front Street, and demanded that the safe be opened.

After receiving the cash, he jumped into a black Jeep Cherokee and drove off with angry Burger King employees running after him. He got away.

Man, those employees really love their jobs at Burger King to run after an armed bandit. I’m surprised they didn’t catch a Jeep Cherokee on foot, though.

Fast food, fast holdups [DN]