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Oct
17
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 Well, look who’s plastered all over the front of Philly.com again today! Yes, Jocelyn Kirsch has been sentenced to five years in prison because she used a gun to assault a postal worker stole a lot of money and annoyed people.
“This sentence properly punishes the defendant, provides full restitution and protects the public,” the judge said at the end of the sentencing hearing. We, too, can all sleep easy tonight knowing that Jocelyn Kirsch will not be terrorizing our city’s streets anymore. Children can finally come outside and take back the street corners from our beloved Bonnie.
“A message must be sent out from this sentence that credit card fraud will not pay,” Judge Eduardo C. Robreno continued, and I do think we all learned a valuable lesson here, just like when Larry Mendte taught us all about the value of keyloggers the consequences of wire fraud.
The defense wanted fewer years due to Kirsch’s mental problems, but the U.S. Attorney argued against it: “This is not somebody who’se been in and out of mental institutions.” Let that be a lesson to you all: If you want to be commit several counts of aggravated identity theft and related charges, go in and out of a bunch of mental hospitals first, because then you’ll serve less time in jail afterward.
“I am a Drexel graduate and hope this idiot is no longer associated w/ our great institution,” writes a Philly.com commenter. “I hope she is sentenced for a very long time and they take real good care of her in prison.” There are also lots of, um, hilarious jokes about her being raped in prison. Yuk, yuk! And this is my favorite comment:
Jocelyn Kirsch gets 5-year sentence [Inquirer]
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dmac | 2:21 PM | 3 Comments
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Jul
2
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Hungry for content, Philly.com struck some sort of deal with a judge or the devil and now Jocelyn Kirsch is going to prison by 2 p.m. tomorrow. Huzzah, huzzah. Who was that dude’s name again?
If you don’t remember, Kirsch caused a storm all over BBSes about 30 years ago when she and her boyfriend (who?) were arrested for identity theft and related offenses. She was pretty cute and had a ridiculous body so everyone on the Internet kept searching for her. Newspapers and lazy bloggers picked up on this and posted a bunch about her.
Anyway, now she’s going to prison and won’t come out for a while. I guess this means this is the end of hearing about her for a few years, but I wouldn’t want to make that bet. Still, there is a chance there won’t be any more news on this until Kirsch agrees to pose for Playboy. Since the mag doesn’t confirm or deny rumors of offering people money to pose nude, let’s just go with this: Sources say Playboy has offered Kirsch $1 million to pose for the magazine! And, yes, I’m sure somebody’s already made this joke. Eh. Whatever.
Update: Oh, she surrendered to authorities at around 1:30. Fun times.
Jocelyn Kirsch ordered to jail [Inquirer]
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dmac | 1:58 PM | 1 Comment
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Jun
24
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Hey, Jocelyn Kirsch is back in the news again! This time she hasn’t done anything newsworthy like work at a Starbucks or get charged with a felony. No, a stylist Jocelyn “Bonnie” Kirsch allegedly ripped off is suing her.
This was the greatest haircut of all time, apparently, since she’s suing for $50,000. Oh, I see: The suit says 25-year-old Jennifer Bisicchia “has had to endure emotional stress from the case.” So she totally deserves 50 grand! The hairstyling and extensions part of the lawsuit is a mere $2,500.
According to the lawsuit, Bisicchia also received angry text messages in the middle of the night! All of the following is [sic], of course:
HELLO JEN BISICCHIA. YOU DON’T KNOW MY NAME. BUT I KNOW YOURS. I ALSO KNOW UR NICE PLACE ON … ST AND HOW U GET HOME AT NIGHT. YOURE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT VISITORS AT UR DOOR. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE GOTTEN URSELF INTO. YOU SEEM LIKE A SMART GIRL. WALK AWAY NOW OR YOU WILL REGRET IT
After receiving that text, Bisicchia then made her boyfriend sit outside of her door, all night. He better get a cut of that $50k.
Payback time: Stylist behind ‘Bonnie’s’ tresses files suit [Daily News]
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dmac | 9:27 AM | 0 Comments
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May
30
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The Daily News once again put Jocelyn “Bonnie” Kirsch on its cover yesterday, after she got in trouble again and was put on house arrest. The paper used one of the shots of her lounging at poolside, only they Photoshopped in an ankle bracelet on her. Get it?
This didn’t sit well with Kirsch’s lawyer, Ron Greenblatt, actually released a statement on the cover:
The Daily News continues to sink to a level below tabloid journalism. The use of a doctored photo on the cover of the second largest paper in the city of Philadelphia to give a deliberately false impression is disgraceful. I understand their job is to sell papers, but they should at least be held to minimal journalistic ethical standards.
And then NBC 10 did a whole story on it, complete with person-on-the-street interviews. DN Editor Michael Days — no stranger to answering controversy about political cartoons that are accidentally funny — said “[i]t’s just that kind of a story.” Yes, that’s about as good of a response as you can get.
Redlasso clip after the jump; NBC 10’s site has a clip too.
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dmac | 10:22 AM | 15 Comments
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May
28
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Philadelphia favorite Jocelyn Kirsch is in the news again, and this time, it’s actually for a reason, and not just another media outlet’s long take on the story.
No, Kirsch faced accusations she stole a credit card in California; she’s allowed to head home (but she can’t leave it!) while waiting to make her guilty plea for all the original identity theft back here in Philly on June 5.
‘Bonnie’ accused of stealing credit card [Inquirer]
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dmac | 3:42 PM | 0 Comments
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Jan
28
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Okay, so I should probably write about this. So remember Bonnie & Clyde? No, not the real Bonnie & Clyde, the “Bonnie and Clyde of Identity Fraud,” the duo that captivated the Philadelphia area during the end of last year?
By duo, of course, I mean Jocelyn Kirsch’s breasts, since she was really the only one anybody cared to read about. (The dude’s name was Eddie or something.) Anyway, Jocelyn Kirsch is back in a new Daily News article by apparent Jocelyn Kirsch beat reporter Regina Medina; turns out she had a former boyfriend who thought he loved her, but it turns out she lied to him and treated him poorly. And she cheated on him! Jocelyn Kirsch is now every girl in America. (No offense, fairer sex.) Did she break up with him via email, too?
The ex-boyfriend, Jayson Verdibello, also wrote a pair of songs for her; I was kind of hoping we’d get MP3 files, but instead all we get are lyrics like “I can’t deny the curves of your body/ Or all the words you leave inside my lips/ How can I say all the words I want to/ When you paint the world in different hues of you?”
But back to the story, where hilarity abounds.
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dmac | 3:43 PM | 4 Comments
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Dec
6
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The above photo is of the last moments of a cow’s life. After the morning newspaper in Danville, Pa. (map) ran this photo, several readers called in to complain and threatened to cancel their subscriptions. Here’s the :
Media around the world grapple with decisions about when to publish graphic images. These include the aftermath of terrorist attacks and images of war. Photos have power that words cannot match. Decisions about publishing disturbing photos are never taken lightly. Shock value alone does not justify publication.
Wednesday, The Daily Item published a photograph of a police officer shooting one of two cows that had escaped from a trailer.
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dmac | 11:06 AM | 8 Comments
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