The Great Hot Dog Bomb Scare

Not since some dude stole the Phillie Phanatic’s head has there been such an incredible moment in Philadelphia Phillies history. As you may now know, yesterday a suspicious delivery was made to Citizens Bank Park. After evacuating part of the stadium and detonating the suspicious packages, the bomb squad found hot dogs destined for the Phanatic’s hot dog gun.

Almost too perfect, right? But don’t think it’s not an easy mistake to make: Earlier this year, the Phanatic’s hot dog gun was absolutely launching those suckers into the upper deck. They do explode sometimes; I really should have suspected they’d be stuffed with gunpowder. But, more importantly: These hot dogs are delivered? And then fed to fans? Ew, ew, ew. (The Phillies say they were for a commercial shoot, but I’m not convinced. The photo at right shows the Phanatic has clearly used food as a weapon before.)

The hot dogs did give those unsung heroes, the sports desk headline writers, some material. The Daily News gave us Wieners & Losers, and the small guys got into the act, too. No bomb, but plenty of fireworks for Phillies, Braves. Hot dogs rule day as Phillies bomb. (Really? Hot dogs ruled the day?)

Although the only way those hot dogs could have injured anyone is if people ate them, it’s good to know the Phillies’ players would have been safe even if it was a real emergency:

“I heard a crack. It sounded like a shotgun,” said relief pitcher Chad Durbin, who was on the field warming up, standing alongside Ryan Madson when the detonation occurred. “That’s the first time anything like that ever happened to me. Better safe than sorry, but it’s a little scary. Ryan and I were discussing how the field’s the safest place to be (if a bomb goes off). You’re below ground.”

He’s right. I always go to the nearest baseball stadium in the even of any bomb scare. There, though, you risk having to deal with Reggie Jackson trying to kill the queen and other related maladies.

Photo by alpineinc used under a Creative Commons license

Montco: Don’t Bring Home Bombs

Montgomery County authorities are warning people to not bring bombs back from the beach as souvenirs. You’d think common sense would stop people from bringing back unexploded World War II munitions back from the shore, but (as we all know) people are stupid.

Apparently, a mortar round was recently brought to Narberth Police, and the Montco Bomb Squad had to retrieve one from an Upper Dublin home. For some reason, the unexploded munitions are buried on New Jersey beaches and for some even worse reason, people decide to bring them home. For fun!

“This munitions or mortar shell is equivalent to three sticks of dynamite, dropping them can set them off, riding them in a car can set them off or burying them,” Montgomery County Sheriff John Durante told CBS 3. (His email was then hacked into.)

So, yes, here’s a friendly warning: Don’t play with any bombs. Well, unless you’re playing a really good prank on a friend.

Warning Issued Concerning ‘Beach Bombs’ [CBS 3]

Kids Using Drano Bombs Again!

NBC 10 told us a week or so ago that raves still existed, and now a fad from even earlier in the 1990s is apparently still around: Drano bombs! Okay, so “kids” and “blowing shit up” is a pair that’s been around for millions of years. Whatever.

The Horsham police are calling them “works bombs,” but that’s probably just a hip new term. “Works bombs” are a combination of tin foil and toilet bowl cleaner; the two mixes produce a gas which, when capped, will eventually explode.

Apparently kids in Horsham have moved on from knocking over mailboxes with baseball bats to blowing them up with bombs. Frankly, that shows some real dedication to chemistry. Maybe it’s for extra credit?

Update: It’s a crime wave! The bomb-in-a-mailbox prank has spread from Warminster to Upper Moreland to Doylestown to Horsham, The Intelligencer writes. And, please, be careful: “Police advise anyone who finds a soda bottle in a mailbox not to touch it and to call police immediately.”

Horsham Police Warn of Mailbox Pranks That May Prove Dangerous [KYW 1060]

City Saved From Destruction By A Bunch Of Crap

A suspicious bag shut down the intersection of Broad & Spring Garden earlier today, causing drivers to go on detours of up to and including one block.

Anyway, they blew it up and everything is a-okay or something. And here’s what it was:

A bomb squad officer remarked the bag contained only “a bunch of crap,” according to a person at the scene.

Hey, at least it wasn’t a bike with a This Bike Is A Pipe Bomb sticker on it.

Broad Street reopens after bomb squad blows up suspicious bag [Inquirer]

South Philly Resident Has Future In American Diplomacy

The word on the street question in this week’s South Philly Review is about the capture of 15 British sailors by Iran.

Although Iran has agreed to release the 15 British sailors and marines who were captured two weeks ago, how do you think Britain should have responded to the situation?

This is (by far) the most American, and therefore best, answer:

Word on the Street [South Philly Review]

How’s The Shore? Oh, It’s Great Do-KABOOM!

A mile long stretch of beach in Surf City, N.J., has been closed down by totally uncool regulators trying to stop kids from having fun this summer. Oh, and they also found unexploded munitions.

The bombs date back to World War II and were discovered by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers in sand that had recently been pumped onto the Ocean County beach. The beach was immediately closed and now the beach might not be re-opened in time for Memorial Day weekend.

Authorities have posted danger signs at the beaches and blocked off the entrances. Security guards patrol the area around the clock.

“It’s like walking into a landmine,” said Sonny Mack, one of the security guards. “We make sure they stay out. If it wasn’t my job, I wouldn’t be out there.”

I think Surf City needs to use this as a marketing tool. You market it as a giant fun park where you’re blown sky high by antique munitions, charge $10 to get in, and the town’ll be rich in no time.

N.J. Beach Closed After Explosives Found [NBC 10]