Bob Brady Saves Americans From Crappy Chinese Souvenirs

Bob Brady didn’t end up a total loser when he lost in the mayoral primary back in ‘07. As head of the House Administration Committee (”The Mayor of Capitol Hill”), Brady wields a decent amount of power, especially now with a Democratic president.

But while Bob Ney renamed french fries to get back at France while in the position, Bob Brady has now focused his ire on foreign nations that make crap that should, in all seriousness, really be American made. Specifically, Brady put a ban on foreign-made trinkets in the Capitol Hill gift shops. Let’s get a quote from WHYY:

“We told them right away that we don’t want anybody coming to our nation’s capital visiting our visitors center to come away with a gift of the Capitol dome, the White House, whatever it may be with something that says ‘made in China.’ I think that is absolutely ludicrous. I have tremendous support from my colleagues [who agree that] coming to Washington to get a trinket that is made in China makes absolutely, positively no sense.”

Truly, a change is gonna come. ‘HYY reports thousands of dollars worth of merchandise is now in storage ready to be shipped back overseas, and Brady says there is brand-new, super-patriotic American crap ready for vendors to purchase. God Bless America.

Congressman Brady bans “Made in China” souvenirs from Capitol gift shop [Y Decide]

There Is No Way This Is The Real Website Of Bob Brady’s Opponent

Old CW: U.S. Rep. Bob Brady is essentially running unopposed for reelection. New CW: Republican opponent Mike Muhammad is going to mop the floor with Brady.

How could one logically refute the logic of Muhammad’s Q&A above (from his Issues page)? One should vote for Mike Muhammad because it is a historic opportunity to vote for Mike Muhammad!

His website is slightly less professional than NJ Weedman’s site; Muhammad takes the win due to embedded music and more animated .gifs than the Weedman’s online shrine to cannabis.

You will be shocked Muhammad has raised exactly $0 toward his campaign. This happened despite a 40-day “Crusade of Prayer, Fasting, and Fund Raising!!!” that began on July 28. Muhammad is also the self-published author of a book, Count Your Blessings, a “spectacular education manuscript for teachimg [sic] mathematics to small children before first grade.”

More »

Obama Will Be Moving Money

Although we were told it was important at the time, looking back it seems that Barack Obama’s loss to Hillary Clinton in the Pennsylvania primary didn’t mean much. Maybe that’s why Obama didn’t campaign much here and didn’t shower the town in street money.

Rest assured the general election is a bit more important, and so the Obama campaign will be handing out billions of dollars come November. Maybe not billions, but there will be street money. Bob Brady says so.

“In the fall I think there is going to be an expectation of City Committee that just like in the Kerry campaign and just like in the Gore campaign there will be money moving into City Committee for election-day activity,” said political consultant Ken Smuckler.

Ain’t democracy grand?

Obama to pony up street money in November [Daily News]

Bob Brady Getting Everyone A Job

It’s been a while since I’ve written about Bob Brady, who around this time last year was a daily Philadelphia Will Do post. And, hey, there were two recent Bob Brady stories in the news! So let’s link them here:

• Phillymag’s Steve Volk writes how Mayor Nutter quashed any chances of anybody running against Brady for U.S. Rep. And, ha ha, Nutter basically got the guy who was going to run against Brady a job advising none other than Mayor Nutter! Welcome to politics.

• Inga Saffron of the Inquirer reports on her blog that Brady got a contract to a local company to light the Capitol. It’s the same company that installed the lights on City Hall that make the building look like an evil rich family’s mansion!

So there’s Bob Brady, being, um, a politician. In an unrelated note, Philadelphia Will Do provides five-star consulting services on lighting at one-star prices.

Brady To Make SEPTA Financially Solvent With Brute Force

Although SEPTA got dedicated funding from the state in Rendell’s new budget, it’s not like SEPTA cars are going to be used as vaults for gold doubloons anytime soon. (Now that would make a fun ride.)

In a quest for one day being able to provide that Scrooge McDuck-esque trip, SEPTA recently accepted advertising from (gasp!) liquor companies, including a pair of buses with Colt 45 wraps. This angered the Rev. Jesse Brown, who battles corner beer stores. He also feels the unfulfilled promises of Colt 45 advertisements — trust me, it does not get ‘em every time — cut into the unfulfilled promises the church provides. (Bada-bing!)

Anyway, the politicians are in on it, too: City Councilman Jim Kenney is pretty angry about it, as is U.S. Congressman Bob Brady, who says he’ll get those wraps off the buses if he has to go door-to-door himself and sell new ads:

So Brady has fired off a letter to the SEPTA board, offering to find a better advertiser if they unwrap the buses: “Unwrap the two buses, and I will help find other advertisers. I’m sure there are other people out there who would love to advertise on a bus.”

I look forward to the replacement of the Colt 45 ads with ones for heroin detoxification, expedited citizenship, Allen Rothenberg: The Injury Lawyer and, of course, VIGILANTE LAWYER, who apparently defends you outside of the law.

Liquor Ads on SEPTA Buses Anger Local Leaders [KYW 1060]
Congressman Bob Brady Lashes Out At SEPTA Bus Liquor Ads [KYW 1060]
Archives: SEPTA

Which Rich Guy Will Lead The City For 8 Years?

And here we go.

We’ve been through Milton Street singing on top of a casket. We’ve had Bob Brady tell us elephants will return to the zoo in his administration. We’ve had Tom Knox promise not to show movies at Dilworth Plaza. We’ve had Dwight Evans ask us not only where the beef is, but also tell us his crime record is beefy.

Michael Nutter told us he’d be opening up a shop to sell Philly-themed merchandise. Chaka Fattah brought out Shaft to attempt to win our votes. Bob Brady didn’t know how a pension works. (That’s okay, Bob, most of Philadelphia doesn’t know what “vested” means either.) Tom Knox didn’t know what Gilligan’s Island was.

A guy in a shark costume told us not to vote Tom Knox. (He disappeared after Frank Keel got in the way and is presumed dead.) PW told you to vote for the mayor that looks good with a big nose and glasses. Jim Kenney predicted voters would vote for the guy they saw on the teevee most, and he may have been right.

The gay newspaper endorsed Brady. The bilingual one endorsed Knox. Every candidate told us he was just like us! Queena Bass continued to run for mayor while homeless man Jesus White took his first shot at the ballot. People got angry on messageboards and blogs. Websites were trolled. Accusations of racism were flung. These things happen.

Sam Katz told us the mayor’s race would be close, then positioned himself for an independent run, then told us it’d be Nutter in a landslide. Sam Katz will be here to kick around for a while.

Fattah told us Mike Nutter had to remind himself he’s African-American. (And Milton Street said Nutter was the Watermelon Man.) Somebody told us Knox was a good Catholic while Brady and Nutter didn’t go to Catholic church anymore.

After today, it will — let’s pray — all be over and some rich guy will be in position to lead the city for eight years, unless Al Taubenberger has photos of the eventual winner with a donkey who is not his wife. It might be the union guy or the poverty guy or the smart guy or the really rich guy or the “Who’s the beef?” guy.

Hey, look at it this way: It won’t be John Street.

It’s election day! If you see anything exciting at the polls, notice a news anchor flashing viewers, find a funny campaign sign and/or anything else ridiculous, drop me a line at dmac [AT] philadelphiawilldo [.] com. If the day is exciting enough, I’m hoping youse can do my job for me. Then I can put my feet up.

[.pdf of Milton logo]

Nutter Picks Up Lapsed Catholic Endorsement

Yesterday, Tom Knox supporters attempted to gain votes by distributing the flier above (click to enlarge), which alleges Michael Nutter and Bob Brady are lapsed Catholics.

Michael Nutter? He was Catholic when it was convenient for him, so he could get a quality Catholic education. Now? He quietly left the Catholic Church to become a Baptist, probably because his polls told him it would be a smart move. ¶ Bob Brady? He admitted that he never attends mass.

Somehow, I don’t think this is going to work as well as the mysterious flier distributor wants it to. Do you know how many lapsed Catholics there are? Michael Nutter might’ve just picked up a couple votes from the young, bored Christmas-and-Easter crowd. (Bob Brady said he’s a regular churchgoer, so that part appears to be just a lie.)

Nice boost for the Prep there, though. “The school people will sit through Church for!”

More »

Dwight Evans’ Best Candidate Comparison Yet

And what a nice group of multicultural children Dwight Evans has helped.

Bob Brady’s Education Record — A Bunch of Nothing! [Evans for Mayor]

Silly Caller, Bullets Simply Bounce Off Bob Brady

Right before last night’s debate (more on this later), Bob Brady received a death threat on his cell phone. (Who wants to stop Bob Brady from debating? Or will flustering Brady with a death threat suddenly turn him into the world’s greatest debater.)

Brady thought it was just a joke, but his staff urged him to report it to police. He told 6 ABC later he wasn’t fazed by it:

“I don’t know who it is. It’s a coward is who it is. A coward who calls on a pay phone and threatened somebody. Cowards don’t bother me,” said Brady.

I’m thinking pre-paid cell, myself.

Candidates Clash Again at Debate [6 ABC]
Death threat made against Brady [Inquirer]

Philadelphia To Be One Giant Rave

Yesterday, the Northeast Times endorsed Michael Nutter, certainly furthering Young Philly Politics’ members fears of media cabal forcing all the newspapers in the city to endorse Nutter. (This happened. And, at our last monthly media cabal meeting, I won the breaststroke through the vault of gold doubloons.)

Oh, man! The City Paper endorsed him, too! Mike Nutter fever: CATCH IT! (They also cut out the candidates heads and made a PDF summarizing their stances and such. Bastards! I was going to do that, but make stupid jokes. Eh, their thing seems to be serious — and, I can admit it, good — so I suppose I can still do it as long as mine’s stupid and features Milton Street. The CP’s cover also features Mike Nutter holding a printout of the cover. Whoa, meta.)

The Northeast Times‘ endorsement even warranted a Michael Nutter press release. (And, yes, Nutter’s press release — speaking of things I can admit are good, The Next Mayor’s press release archive — about the paper’s endorsement noted it was the largest weekly paper in Philadelphia and perhaps in all of Pennsylvania. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.)

The endorsement, which did mention Queena Bass and Jesus White, did speak of the other candidates’ strengths. Bob Brady got this ringing endorsement:

U.S. Rep. Bob Brady seems to genuinely care about the chokehold that crime has on Philadelphia’s citizens and streets. Mr. Brady, the beefy and very personable dealmaker, has a knack for bringing people together and mediating labor disputes — he would make a terrific secretary of state or master of ceremonies at the carpenters union’s annual awards banquet.

Ahh, yes. Bob Brady, a candidate who would like to reduce crime, would make a fine M.C. With Brady on the mic and Mix Master Mike on the turntables, this city can be one huge party ’til, like, 5 a.m.

Nutter is the best choice [Northeast Times]
Michael Nutter for Mayor [CP]
New Poll has Nutter Moving [Young Philly Politics]
Archives: Bob Brady
Archives: Michael Nutter