Councilwoman Confused By This ‘Parody’

City Council recently passed Blondell Reynolds Brown’s bill requiring licensing and regulation of Center City tour guides, and Phillymag recently interviewed her about it.

In addition to doing poorly on a Philadelphia history quiz — tsk, tsk! — Brown also… well, you read.

I think the real question here is, why not let tourists believe everything we tell them about our history? It sounds so much cooler if guides say the Declaration of Independence was actually penned by Bruce Springsteen.

Put that in a movie. What do you call it when you take an experience and make fun of it?

… A parody?
A parody! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put it in a parody first and then tell the real story. That’s really not a bad idea. Especially for Bruce Springsteen fans, of which I am one.

Whoo! Thanks, Councilwoman, from saving us from faulty tour guides who tell us Ben Franklin was on the 1983 Sixers with your licensing program and its nonrefundable application fee. The only thing that’d make this bill worthwhile is if the test costs enough to put Ride the Ducks out of business.

Philly Grill: Tour Guide Disciplinarian Blondell Reynolds Brown [Phillymag]

Tour Guides Tell Hilarious Lies

Our city will soon face the long arm of the Tour Guide Gestapo, and for that we have City Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds Brown to thank. But we also have local historian Ron Avery, who testified in favor of the tour guide regulations that will brand all certified tour guides with flair.

He submitted to Heard in the Hall a list of 84 falsehoods he’s heard tour guides say, which is kind of a lot of work to do for tour guide regulation research. Do you think he’ll open a tour guide regulation test prep service?

Some of these lies are pretty awesome, and I submit we should pretend they are true anyway. Go forth, people, and spread these awesome tall tales!

• Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the name of streets. So Pine Street was lined with pine trees etc.
• It’s called Society Hill because Penn gave it the Society of Freemasons.
• Dr. Rush responsible for death of George Washington. He bled him so much and gave him cough medicine with mercury.
• Ben Franklin had 80 illegitimate children all in Sweden.

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Tour Guide Regulation Moving Along

Exciting new tour guide regulation is closer than it has ever been. KYW 1060 reports local historian Ron Avery testified to City Council:

“Right now anybody can be a guide in Philadelphia… A test on those facts at least gives them the basics — so they’ll know that Betsy Ross did not sew half the uniforms for the American Revolution, as one guide told me.”

Oh. So will the tour guides be required to tell everyone the Betsy Ross story is a complete fabrication? Hopefully.

Also, the Inky’s Jeff Shields reports there’s still a little work to do on the bill: “Brown said the bill still has work to do — defining what exactly constitutes a tour operator, what types to exempt (such as foreign-language or out of town interpreters).” So, you know, a large majority of the bill. Unless the history tests are already written!

Tour Guides moves out of committee [Heard in the Hall]
History Tests May Soon Be Required for Philadelphia Tour Guides [KYW 1060]

City Council Just On Replay In 2008

City Council meets for the first time in the post-John Street era today, and it’s already getting ready to do important work.

By important work, of course, I mean City Council members are re-introducing previously-failed bills. Jim Kenney wants to get rid of the requirement one has to live in Philly for a year to apply for a city job. This will be time #3 introducing it for Kenney, but it will only be attempt #2 for Blondell Reynolds Brown’s exciting tour guide regulation bill!

The idea is that if we make tour guides take a history test and get certified, they won’t tell us that Thomas Jefferson invented the light bulb. Plus, city bureaucracy will certainly be streamlined if it has to certify freaking tour guides.

Phila. Council Reintroduces Failed Bills from John Street Era [KYW 1060]

City Council To Regulate Buses, Dentists

The Inquirer’s Heard in the Hall blog reports on the lame duck City Council session that begins today. Any bills not passed during the three-week session will have to be introduced when the new council is sworn in next year, which is pretty much the same group of people anyway.

Still, it’s a pain to get legislation introduced or something, so City Council is rushing to get a whole boatload of bills passed. Blondell Reynolds Brown wants to pass a bill “that would require dentists to provide some degree of disclosure about the mercury contained in fillings.” Brown also wants to ban kids from fundraising in the street, which means the police are going to get to arrest little kids or something. Hilarious! Darrell Clarke wants to make it illegal to burn a cross or hang a noose.

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City Council: With Our Work Done, It’s Vacation Time!

Woohoo! After one week as a “pro-choice city,” Philadelphia is now no longer one, as many of the people who voted for the bill decided it was more important to pander to angry Catholic constituents than stand by their convictions. Hooray!

The city wasn’t declared both a pro-choice and pro-life city, but instead the week-old resolution was simply rescinded. “I’m angry with myself for not abstaining,” said Councilman Jim Kenney, who voted yes last week. “It’s not something I think we should have forced on the public at large.” Or he got a lot of angry phone calls.

Blondell Reynolds Brown, who sponsored the original legislation, clearly got a lot of angry phone calls, too, but told everyone who disagrees with her she’s actually the only one who could possibly be correct: “I have learned as an enlightened pro-choice advocate that there may have been other ways to make my position known.”

Meanwhile, City Council passed over 80 bills, giving almost all of them less debate or discussion than the meaningless repeal of the meaningless resolution. And now they’re on vacation until September! Good work, guys! You earned that summer break!

Council repeals ‘pro-choice city’ resolution [Inquirer]

City Council Backtracks, Panders, Wastes More Time

Last week, Philadelphia City Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds Brown helped pass a resolution declaring Philadelphia a “pro-choice city.” This was, of course, a pointless resolution that wasted more time than Mark B. Cohen does reading buying books.

Those in City Council who voted for the proposal apparently forgot a few things about this city. (1) Many citizens of this fine city are members of the Roman Catholic Church — official motto: “Complicit in the spread of AIDS in Africa since 1981″ — and (2) Philadelphians love to get really angry over things that don’t mean anything.

And, so, City Council is prepared to waste even more time with new resolutions declaring the city both pro-choice and pro-life! (Hey! What about Philadelphians who have no opinion?) I can’t wait ’til the resolution declaring the Israeli/Palestinian conflict as “sad” and one saying embryonic stem cell research is “an issue currently being debated.”

Frank Rizzo has simply planned a bill rescinding the pro-choice label, while Brian O’Neill have planned resolutions declaring Philly both pro-choice and pro-life and even Blondell Reynolds Brown is thinking about voting for O’Neill’s bill. Looks like somebody got an earful from her constituents! In fact, several people who voted for the “pro-choice” bill are suddenly backtracking, proving it’s not just national politicians who pander at every opportunity.

Councilman Darrell Clarke, who supported Brown’s resolution last week, said yesterday that he sees O’Neill’s alternative as “reasonable. It understands the diverse nature of the city and that we have diverse views on all issues, so I can probably support his resolution.” He said he was “not comfortable” with Rizzo’s language.

Councilman James Kenney, likewise, said he wants to reconsider the pro-choice resolution, which he supported last week. “I clearly support a woman’s right to choose,” said Kenney, who had not decided between the two resolutions that will be submitted today. “That’s my personal belief, but in retrospect probably we should not be forcing that belief or label on the city as a whole.”

In retrospect, City Councilpeople got a bunch of calls from angry little old ladies who go to church every day. And since those are the only people in this city who vote, it looks like it’s time to waste some more time!

Pro-life? Pro-choice? Hey - we’re both! [Daily News]
June 8: City Council Wasting Its Fucking Time Once Again

City Council Wasting Its Fucking Time Once Again

Yesterday, City Council took time out not to come up with some new ban or regulation for a change, but did spend time debating a bill to declare Philadelphia officially “pro-choice.”

The vote, which went 9-8 in favor of the people with nothing better to do, has no legal standing and never will, since abortion wouldn’t really become a city-by-city issue. But, hey, there’s that Planned Parenthood in the Gayborhood, so if this city’s so pro-choice even gays are getting abortions, then who knows.

The bill was sponsored by Blondell Reynolds Brown, who you may remember as the City Council member who was reelected because a bunch of people voted for Ben Ramos instead of Juan Ramos since his ballot position was better. (Philadelphia is a pro-choice city, but only the idiots actually get born.)

But, oh, Frank DiCicco almost voted against it, but his vote for it was pretty much better anyway. The Inquirer article didn’t say he rolled his eyes, but, oh, it’s more fun if he did.

The proclamation came very close to failing. As the roll was called, Councilman Frank DiCicco paused for several moments, clearly agonizing over how to vote, before finally saying “aye.”

Cardinal Rigali immediately condemned the bill, and then went to Africa to tell people if they used condoms to prevent AIDS (and, uh, abortions) they would burn for all eternity.

Now Phila. is officially ‘pro-choice’ [Inquirer]

Foes Line Up Against Tour Guide Intelligence Bill

Back in March, Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds Brown proposed a bill licensing the city’s tour guides so they don’t tell tourists wrong information about our fair city. I kind of thought that was always one of the perks of tourists: You could tell them whatever the hell you wanted do and they’d believe you! “Oh, yeah, City Hall? The head opens up and shoots out a giant piece of Pez candy every New Year.”

(Please note: Although Ralph “Ben Franklin” Archbold — at right — opposes tour guide regulation, he knows more about Ben Franklin than Ben Franklin did.)

The day the news of her bill broke, ignorant tour guides across the city banded together to stop it. While there weren’t any rallies with people holding signs that read “Thomas Jefferson Invented The Light Bulb,” when Reynolds Brown holds a hearing on the bill there will be protesters, reports KYW 1060’s Karin Phillips:

However, Jonathan Bari, founder of Constitutional Walking Tours, says a license won’t make any tour guide more knowledgeable, but he says it will:

“Increase consumer prices for tours; we think it’s going to deter qualified guides; it’s going to wreak havoc on business operations for small businesses.”

Bari says the proposal is well-meaning but flawed, and he plans on presenting 10 points against it to the council’s parks, recreation and cultural affairs committee.

A 10-point treatise on flaws in tour guide regulation! I bet it came out of the latest issue of Reason.

Phila. Council Holds Hearing On Tour Guide License Bill [KYW 1060]
March 29: City Council To Improve Citizens’ Lives Again
March 30: Ignorant Tour Guides Fight Regulation

City Council To Improve Citizens’ Lives Again

Pop quiz: What laws, exactly, has City Council passed in the past, say, two years? If you’re like me, you can think of four:

• The smoking ban, banning smoking in all bars, except the ones that applied for a waiver, yet banning smoking at all outdoor cafes.
• The trans fat ban, giving the city’s restaurants a year or so to stop cooking with trans fats.
• The ban on blunt-style cigars and any other object that could be conceivably construed as marijuana paraphernalia. (This one was thrown out by the courts earlier this month.)
• And, finally, a law helping old ladies cross the street

Can you think of anything else? Not me. (Council overrode the mayor’s veto last week, but it was about pensions.)

Well, there’s a hot new law coming out of City Council, and you’re gonna love this one.

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