Conlin Suspended From DNL For… Something

Oh, yes. Bill Conlin. The Daily News columnist (and erstwhile king of the world) has been suspended from Daily News Live because of a comment he made on Tuesday’s program.

Responding to an email from Raul from Vineland, Conlin said: “Amazing that guy would leave the blueberry harvest to send that off.” Oh-ho! How offensive! You see… um… well, the blueberry harvest is probably usually done in Hammonton, right? Or… hmm… okay, how about this: The people working on the blueberry harvest are usually Mexican, and to say that someone in Vineland is Mexican is offensive! (If only Anthony DiMeo were here to clear this up!) Or maybe Comcast SportsNet just wanted Conlin off the program to make it a little less watchable.

Look, Daily News Managing Editor Pat McLoone has defended him: “I’ve known Bill Conlin for 28 years. I know he would never say anything racist.” Um, then why is he suspended?

Anyway, Neil Hartman’s apology the following day was way more hilarious than Conlin’s original joke. Courtesy of The Fightins, it’s after the jump.

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Bill Conlin Feels Same Way About Bloggers As I Do

Apparently Bill Conlin’s column about Jimmy Rollins’ MVP made people on the Internet angry. You see, Conlin made a lot of stupid jokes about how, ha ha, people who care about baseball stats are idiots. (If you’re counting at home, that makes a major columnist and last year’s Phillies beat writer who believe looking at baseball stats is wrong or something.)

Anyway, a sports blogger emailed Bill Conlin to disagree with his column — and, yeah, stat-wise, there’s no way you can make the case for Rollins as MVP, even though Conlin compared him to Ernie Freaking Banks — and Conlin eventually responded angrily.

The only positive thing I can think of about Hitler’s time on earth–I’m sure he would have eliminated all bloggers. In Colonial times, bloggers were called “Pamphleteers.” They hung on street corners handing them out to passersby. Now, they hang out on electronic street corners, hoping somebody mouses on to their pretentious sites. Different medium, same MO. Shakespeare accidentally summed up the genre best with these words from a MacBeth soliloquy: “. . .a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. . .”

Hey, I wish somebody would put all the bloggers in concentration camps, too! And, while we’re at it, let’s throw in major daily sports sections that are shadows of their former selves.

The ‘Daily News’ Is Silent But Deadly

Bill Conlin has a column to the effect of what I was saying yesterday: Why was Chase Utley bunting in the first inning? And why do the Phillies seem to make more mistakes than any other baseball team?

But he also has this:

Utley was bunting on his own, of course, a decision that suggests a hitter’s version of what John Kruk once graphically described with cameras rolling as a “brain [flatulence].” Kruk forgot how many outs there were out in leftfield. Utley forgot what happens when an open first base creates a chance for a manager to walk Barry Bonds East.

First off, yes, John Kruk was the first person to ever say “brain fart.” Also: The word fart isn’t allowed anymore? Did Kruk say “brain shit” or something?

Unsound effects [Daily News]

Also, That’s Not In The Book Of Proverbs

Bill Conlin writes in the Daily News today that Allen Iverson was the hardest superstar Philadelphia ever had to handle.

Particularly gripping is this argument:

There’s an old proverb: “Give A.I. an inch and he’ll take 35 shots.”

Ha ha! Get it! Because… eh. Whatever. It’s the last workday before Christmas. Who has the energy?

Bill Conlin | Iverson was harder to handle than them all [Daily News]

Bill Conlin Borrows Byko’s Steez

The lead to Bill Conlin’s column today:

GOOD MORNING, Philadelphia. And how does it feel being Terry Francona’s bitch?

Hey, there’s only one longtime columnist who can write the word “bitch” in his columns and his name ain’t Conlin, bitches!

Bill Conlin | Phillies feast on weaker Sox [DN]
Archives: Stu Bykofsky

Irony alert: Curt Schilling

Today, ESPN.com columnist Bill “Sports Guy” Simmons interviews noted fat pitcher Curt Schilling via e-mail. It’s basically a huge blowjob from Sports Guy, but, whatever, that’s his schtick with the Red Sox and people like him.

Anyway, about midway through the piece, the ex-Phillie wrote something to Simmons that caught my eye (emphasis mine):

The thing that I find funny is that some of the better writers suck at their jobs from my standpoint: Shaughnessy and [Bill] Conlin are two that come to mind…. Bill Conlin had (not sure if he still does) a Hall of Fame vote the year Nolan Ryan was up. Bill wrote a column the day after the voting on why he DIDN’T vote for Nolan Ryan on the first ballot. At best, it was repulsive. Bill used his Hall of Fame vote to promote his agenda, which was that if Don Sutton didn’t get voted in first ballot, then Nolan Ryan didn’t deserve to get voted in, either. As if the HOF ballots were his personal right to make statements. So he took 26 years of Nolan’s career and used his vote to make a statement about his opinions on Don Sutton. Sad, really. But in a nutshell, that’s Bill Conlin now anyway — bitter and sad. [Editor's note: Conlin did explain in print why he did not vote for Ryan, but he did not mention Don Sutton.]

Conlin will have his revenge, though. One day, Curt Schilling will be fatter than Bill ever was.

Disclaimer: Not that I’m even defending Conlin here, but I must confess: On live TV in 2003, Bill Conlin did ask me if I invented the “SoBig” virus. I’m not kidding.

Curious Guy: Curt Schilling [ESPN.com Page 2]