Snitches Help Capture Evil Emus

Philadelphia may have a bit of a gun violence problem, but there is one good thing: Our emus are confined to the Philadelphia Zoo. Whereas in South Jersey, emus on the loose recently terrorized everyone.

Actually, according to the report’s lead, the emus are still frightening people.

Citizens in Millville, N.J., are looking over their shoulders a lot lately after a group of emus were spotted running around town and assaulting people.

NBC 10 reports the emus are being raised on farms more and more due to emu oil, which is some sort of new snake oil that’s supposed to ease joint pain. Oh, and some people eat them. The emus got loose the other day in Cumberland County; at the time of the NBC 10 report, only one was captured and four more were on the loose.

On the plus side, some punk kids got what’s coming to them.

The emus were spotted running around residential areas like Delseas Gardens Apartments, where children chased them until the birds turned around and reversed the game. “It was big, it was hairy and it was fat,” one girl said.

If you’re looking for a way to stop the emus, take the advice of Melvin Watson: “Man, I looked in the alley and this bird started chasing me. I’m not going to lie, I threw a bike at the bird. The bird was bigger than me.” They’re susceptible to bike tosses.

Emus On Loose Scare People In South Jersey [NBC 10]