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Ben Franklin, Phillies Fan


The lovely Erica just dropped off an eight-DVD set of the Phillies’ World Series win over the Rays in October. (Can you believe it’s been a month?!) The set includes all five World Series games and the final 2 games of the NLCS, plus a bonus DVD.

More importantly, it features the Phillies’ radio announcers as an alternate audio track for all the games. And, most importantly, the back of the box features a Ben Franklin quote. Right under that poetic Jimmy Rollins quote.

My best guess is that this thing costs $200 billion dollars. Lemme look it up… hmm… only $80! Not as bad as I’d expect, honestly. According to the press release, “And, From Atlantic City to Allentown, THE PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES® 2008 World Series COLLECTOR’S EDITION is certain to bring out Phanatics, wherever they are!” Indeed it will.

This hits stores Dec. 9. Frankly, I’m not sure if I have the patience to watch 20 hours of baseball again, but maybe doing it when not breathing into a paper bag wondering how the Phillies will blow it will be even more enjoyable.

Ben Franklin Supports Larry Mendte

Buried near the end of Regina Medina’s recap of Larry Mendte Sentencing Day in today’s Daily News is this little nugget about who sent letters to the judge in support of ol’ Larry:

Letters of support for Mendte had been sent to the court by his therapist; his colleagues, such as NBC 10 sports director and anchor Vai Sikahema; and even Ben Franklin portrayer Ralph Archbold.

Do you think it was written in faux old-timey prose like the signs at the Betsy Ross House? (”I, Benjamin Franklin, hath no idea what this ‘Inter-net’ is, but Larry hath a good heart!”) I’m letting you know right now: If I ever get arrested, I’m calling out for support from the Phillie Phanatic, Swoop, Hip-Hop, Lil’ G and Big Shot.

Mendte to Lane: I did wrong [Daily News]

Ben Franklin, Abstinence Educator

It’s been over two years since I posted the above video, so I’ll hope you’ll forgive me if I run it again now.

Truly, there is nothing funnier than Monty Python knockoff animation (and even that’s being generous) where noted sex-hound Ben Franklin tells kids not to have sex. And then ruins sex by making them think of Ben Franklin every time they have it mwahahaha!! Er, sorry, I’m done.

Ben Franklin, Mayor Put Heads Together


Hip, hip, hooray! The power brokers in this town (Mayor Nutter, Ben Franklin) are finally doing something about the homeless problem. Yes, it’s “OMG THERE ARE HOMELESS PEOPLE IN RITTENHOUSE” day on I’m not writing about it yet because I’m willing to wait to see where they go next. It should be amazing.

Providing housing for Phila. homeless is slow going [Inquirer]

‘Metro’ Readers Outraged, As Usual


Daniel Holloway and the always-excellent Dorothy Robinson did a humor piece on “25 reasons to love America” right before Independence Day. Ha ha, they even crammed both of their heads into one byline thingy.

Since it’s a humor column in a newspaper, people get angry. Yay for America! Anyway, apparently you can’t call Ben Franklin a pimp without people getting all up in arms. (After the jump.)

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Ben Franklin, Betsy Ross To Wed


OMG! Ralph Archbold, who plays Ben Franklin, is getting married to Linda Wilde, who plays Betsy Ross. Ol’ Franklin not a swinging bachelor? I guess he’s deviating from the character a bit, but overall this is completely awesome.

The wedding is on July 3 and the post-ceremony reception is at City Tavern. Naturally.

Ben Franklin, Betsy Ross actors set wedding date [AP/]

Mayor Nutter On Colbert Report


Last night was the first of four nights of Colbert Report in Philadelphia this week, and Stephen’s first local guest was none other than Mayor Michael Nutter. (He also had on Ralph Archbold, aka The Real Ben Franklin.)

The interview segment is pretty funny, especially at the start, and the mayor gets at least one good one-liners in there. (Did you know he has dry wit? Every single article about him now mentions it!) Tomorrow The Roots are on. Sweet. Redlasso video clip is on the permalink page.

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Tour Guides Tell Hilarious Lies


Our city will soon face the long arm of the Tour Guide Gestapo, and for that we have City Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds Brown to thank. But we also have local historian Ron Avery, who testified in favor of the tour guide regulations that will brand all certified tour guides with flair.

He submitted to Heard in the Hall a list of 84 falsehoods he’s heard tour guides say, which is kind of a lot of work to do for tour guide regulation research. Do you think he’ll open a tour guide regulation test prep service?

Some of these lies are pretty awesome, and I submit we should pretend they are true anyway. Go forth, people, and spread these awesome tall tales!

  • Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the name of streets. So Pine Street was lined with pine trees etc.
  • It’s called Society Hill because Penn gave it the Society of Freemasons.
  • Dr. Rush responsible for death of George Washington. He bled him so much and gave him cough medicine with mercury.
  • Ben Franklin had 80 illegitimate children all in Sweden.

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Benjamin Franklin’s Bald Head Covered In Piss: Funny?

The Daily Pennsylvanian has an article about a Penn tradition today: Pissing on the Benjamin Franklin statue.

There’s a Ben Franklin statue on a bench near 36th Street and Locust Walk, and sometimes, late at night, kids piss on the statue for good luck. Or to say they did it. There are similar stupid Penn traditions, most of them pretty recent — having sex under the button, not walking over a compass on the ground or you fail your first midterm, lines of coke — but the pissing on the Franklin statue is the one that’s actually pretty fucking boss.

So, why are students so eager to mark their territory? “There’s a fascination with leaving your urine on different objects that represent power,” [Penn's senior class president] said.

“It’s more symbolic,” added the anonymous sophomore shortly after he urinated on Ben’s head. “You’re peeing on two hundred years of history.”

Another part of the appeal, the perpetrators say, is that students know, but outsiders don’t - and they often take a seat next to Ben, or on his lap. In fact, Desmond Tutu, Bill Cosby, Hillary Clinton and Vanna White have all sat next to Ben for photo ops while on campus.

Of course, people get angry at this, including the artist who originally made the statue and people in the comments who don’t understand that college students are, um, college students. Also, pissing on the statue could be a third-degree felony!

Red, blue — and yellow [DP]

Introducing: Franklin’s Law

Many of you may be familiar with Godwin’s Law, a semi-serious adage originally written by Mike Godwin in 1990: “As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.”

That law is undeniably true. And, the popularity of the law — it’s well-known enough that I don’t know if I had to link the Wikipedia entry above — probably has stopped people from making analogies to Nazis or Hitler in things unrelated to things about Nazis or Hitler. And for that, Mike Godwin should be thanked and praised.

And now, I’d like to carry on with his work, so to speak. Follow me after the jump.

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