We’re Overrun By Wild Animals

First “bears”, now mountain lions.

Update: Oh, look, apparently some kids are fighting back by shooting a tiger and a bear at a New Jersey zoo. Two Jersey teens were arrested at the Cohanzik Zoo in Bridgeton after witnesses said they shot at a white tiger and black bear with Airsoft pellet guns.

And, look, it was a double whammy, says the Cumberland County SPCA head: “A few months ago in Los Angeles, two teens were mauled and another killed after tormenting a tiger. In addition, these Airsoft guns have been mistaken for the real thing by police.” Anyway, that’s a pretty lame way to hunt if you’re just shooting at animals in cages.

Bear Patrol Apparently Working Smoothly

Oh, so that bear in West Philadelphia? Yes, that was a lie; the prints were determined to be from a dog.

Bears have five prints on their paw tracks; dogs only have four. Hey, wouldn’t you know.

The large dog is still at large.

Experts Determine Paw Prints Belong To K-9 [CBS 3]

[Photo via Flickr]

Why Hasn’t Michael Nutter Re-Funded The Bear Patrol Yet?

Without a bear patrol, we cannot stop these constant bear attacks that lead to nonsensical leads:

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s a bear in Philadelphia?

Two witnesses reported seeing a bear a wandering the streets of West Philadelphia late Monday night.

Authorities said police officers responding to the reports discovered large animal tracks near Bryn Mawr and Parkside Avenue in Fairmount Park.

Oh, the bear was probably just trying to enjoy some shopping on the 52nd Street corridor.

Bear Sighting in West Philadelphia? [CBS 3]

Bigfoot Enthusiast Says Photo Is Bigfoot

Hey! A Pennsylvania hunter, Rick Jacobs, says he has a photo of Bigfoot (at right). He apparently snapped the photo with a camera with an automatic trigger he set up in order to get snapshots of deer.

But, instead, he got a photo of an animal of indeterminate origin, which means it must be Bigfoot! “It appears to be a primate-like animal. In my opinion, it appears to be a juvenile Sasquatch,” Paul Majeta told the Associated Press. Paul Majeta, incidentally, is a member of the Bigfoot Research Organization, and is therefore an impartial judge of a creature’s Sasquatchness.

The Pennsylvania Game Commission says there is “no question” the animal is a bear with a severe case of mange, but that doesn’t make for a good headline.

But there is even better news. The Online Gambling Paper reports: “An online sportsbook once offered odds on the existence of Sasquatch, but the prop was canceled due to lack of interest. Now with Jacob’s Bigfoot, we may see those weird odds pop up again.” The OG Paper also has a report on the odds for the 2007 World Hamburger Eating Championship.

Update: In the comments, “michele” draws us a picture, literally. I really couldn’t make any sense of the photo — other than knowing it’s not Bigfoot — so it was helpful.

Hunter Rick Jacobs claims Bigfoot photo [OG Paper]
Pa. Hunter Stirs Bigfoot Debate [AP/Time]

‘We’re Here! We’re Queer! We Don’t Want Any More Bears!’ Works Well As A Republican Party Slogan, Too

This makes sense. If that Simpsons episode is any accurate predictor of the future — which it is — first you hate bears, then you hate illegal immigrants.

Much Apu About Nothing [SNPP.com]
Bears should fear Republicans, N.J. poll finds [AP/Philly.com]

Allentown Hippies Safe From Bear Attacks

Breathe easy, stoners of the exurbs! You are now free to play disc golf without the threat of black bears.

A black bear — not to be confused with a cougar, a coyote or a puma, other frequent (”frequent”) area terrorists — was seen in the Lehigh Valley area, eating out of bird feeders and scaring away salmon.

But tensions reached new heights when he was spotted on a disc golf course at Upper Macungie Park, leading a coalition of stoners, hippies and stoner hippies to protest for a bear patrol. Now they may play their impossible sport in peace.

Black Bear Caught Near Lehigh Co. Disc Golf Course [CBS 3]

Leftovers: R.I.P., Ed Bradley

• Philadelphia native and longtime 60 Minutes correspondent Ed Bradley died today from leukemia at 65. Y’know, “All that and Andy Rooney tonight” isn’t going to sound the same if it’s not preceded by “I’m Ed Bradley.” [CBSNews.com]

• White Dog owner Judy Wicks is leaving the White Dog, even though she lives above it. But she will no longer own the Cafe — without the pretentious é, thank you very much — and is turning it over to her employees. And, in news I can’t make up, she’ll be a Katharine Hepburn Teaching Fellow at Bryn Mawr next year. [Inquirer]

• A company that makes generic Tylenol is recalling 11 million bottles because they might have metal fragments in them. CVS, Wal-Mart, Dollar General and other stores, come on down!

• New Jersey looks like it won’t have a bear hunt this year. But that won’t stop Tony Soprano. Come on! You remember? He had the bear in his backyard? Aw, nevermind. [Camden Courier-Post]

Leftovers: It’s A Shitty Thing

• Put away those gloves, it’s time for basketball season! The NBA tipped off last night and the 76ers open tonight against the Atlanta Hawks. Be sure and tune in, as it may be the only game they win. The 76ers marketing slogan this year is “It’s a Philly thing,” which is true, because Philly sports teams aren’t usually that good. [Inquirer]

• A Rolling Stones fan has filed a class-action lawsuit because of the Stones’ Atlantic City show postponement. But of course. [AP/6 ABC]

• Congratulations to Doree Shafrir, the ex-PW A&E editor who began her job as associate editor at Gawker today! Doree was one of those people who sat in meetings with me before this blog started when I was just doing non-public test blogging. She gave useful advice — i.e. “What the hell does ‘RISP in close and late’ situations mean?” — that I immediately forgot about and became the puppy photo poster that I am today. Best of luck! [Gawker]

• The bear patrol may not be working in Jersey. A report says that New Jersey’s plans to sterilize the state’s black bears will be ineffective and expensive. But at least we’d get to fuck with some animals. [AP/6 ABC]

• Bensalem pretty much had a fucking parade for the first slot machine delivered to Philadelphia Park. [Bucks County Courier Times]

One Bear Down, One Horse To Go

Dammit, Dr. Richardson! You killed the wrong animal!

Polar Bear Dies After Surgery [AP/NBC 10]

Leftovers: Grin And Bear It

• Bears live in New Jersey. Some biologists tag them. Money quote: “If people are going to live here where the bears are, they should not fear the bears, but learn about them and learn to respect them.” [Inquirer]

• A storm front is moving in from the west, says the front page of 6 ABC’s website. All clear, says the radar. Still: Everybody run to the cellar! Quick! Bring the bread and milk! [6 ABC]

• Barbaro had a “potentially dangerous setback.” Oh no! Say a prayer for his family if you get the chance today. [Daily News]

• The president of Poland has appointed his identical twin prime minister. We seriously need more identical twins running for office in the U.S. Think of all the fun! [AP/Yahoo!]