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Breaking: Fake Beach Tag Scandal

BEACH

Turmoil in Surf City! No, the beach didn’t blow up, but the cops are now looking into the case of the counterfeit beach tags.

Making fake beach tags seems like an incredible waste of time, but it did lead to these two paragraphs in the Asbury Park Press so it was all worthwhile:

While on patrol yesterday, an officer uncovered the counterfeit seasonal beach badges, authorities said. The municipality has been in contact with Ocean County Prosecutor’s Office and the borough attorney about the situation. After the investigation is completed the department will decide if charges will be filed or not.

Police Chief William Collins said that he has reason to believe that the counterfeiting of badges could be even more serious than already revealed.

More serious than four counterfeit beach tags? Oh, man, I bet this conspiracy goes right to the president.

Surf City police investigating counterfeit beach badges [APP]

Grogan Continues Wars On Beach Tags, Reasonable Debate

Beach Tag

On Friday, Inquirer columnist John Grogan finally discovered that some New Jersey beaches charge people a few bucks to sit on the sandy shores.

Apparently believing that beach tags, like abortion or capital punishment, is one of those issues where everyone has made up his mind and there’s no sense trying to convince anyone, Grogan name-checked every historical figure except Jesus who he thought would be opposed to beach tags.

Sub, a friend of mine and a frequent-ish commenter here, noted these words from Grogan’s column as particularly grating: “Yeah, I’m a little grumpy. … Maybe it’s the fact that a beach tag should fit any self-respecting American about as comfortably as a tight swimming suit filled with wet sand.”

He wrote:

That’s good writing… if you like tortured, stretched metaphors and fake indignation over the plight of the working class. You’re right, John, let’s abolish property rights, starting with intellectual property: specifically the copyrights to annoying, heartwarming books about dogs.

Ba-zing! Grogan continues his beach tag fun today, calling them an “un-American and undemocratic tradition” and quoting from reader mail on both sides of this issue. As if the “un-American” comparison wasn’t over the top enough, here’s his response to a reader:

“This is one of the ‘fair’ taxes, a true user fee,” wrote Brian Young Jr., who owns a home in Avalon. “Believe me when I say the property owners pay more than enough. How about I buy your beach tags and you pay my property taxes?”

How about you give me your beach house, Brian, and I’ll give you my metered parking space?

Hey, I have an idea! How about I give you five dollars and you agree to never argue like that again?

John Grogan: Taking sides on beach tags [Inquirer]
July 21: WWJD (About Beach Tags)?