Ungrateful Portuguese Water Dog Breeder Angry At Obama

You might think these would be heady times for breeders of Portuguese Water Dogs. President Obama is getting Portuguese Water Dog for the White House! Dog breeders should be dancing in the streets, kissing nurses in the middle of Times Square, overturning cars and generally having the time of their lives.

The dog the president owns is, like, the president of dogs, right? Besides winning Westminster, there isn’t really a higher honor for a breeder.

Well, apparently, a “local Portuguese Water Dog breeder” isn’t a big anti-American terrorist, according to KYW 1060. Said Berks County Breeder (okay, so it’s “local”) is worried about Portuguese water dogs showing up in puppy mills, those dog-breeding factories with hellish conditions sometimes run by the Amish.

I would suggest a more proactive approach: Say you’re excited about your dog breed becoming dog president but sternly remind everyone not to buy dogs from puppy mills. Or maybe you can drive around a la Joey Vento and tell people not to buy Portuguese Water Dogs from pet stores. And also, you should totally find a nickname for the breed; the full name is kind of too long. PWDs, maybe?

Or you should stop being a typical ungrateful American who hates this country. If you don’t like it, take your dogs and move back to Portugal.

Local Portuguese Water Dog Breeder is Concerned [KYW 1060]
Photo by Ber’Zophus used under a Creative Commons license

Change We Can Frame

There was an article in the New York Times on Saturday about Mayor Nutter’s zany plan to get public input on budget decisions. Whoa, what’s he thinking?!

Anyway, what I noticed had nothing to do with the article, naturally:

Yep, that would be a CHANGE poster. A framed CHANGE poster. Already.

Impressive, I guess, but I would have gone with that lawsuit-inspiring HOPE poster instead.

Turning to the Public for Advice on a Budget [NYT]

Obama, Inventor Of The Fist Pound

I shall now direct you to the greatest blog post ever, on the American Thinker website. It’s titled “Needed: anti-Obi gestures.”

Here’s how it opens:

Today at tennis, after I made a hard point, my partner offered the Obama fist bump.

“I don’t do that,” I said, and I gave her a stern look. It’s not the first time I’ve run into Obamabots on the courts; the game attracts argumentative, competitive types (of which I may be one). I didn’t stop and lecture the O’Bot, because Wasting Indoor Court Time is a Sin. I just high-fived her with my racquet, and went on playing.

Here are my thoughts, in no particular order, after reading just the first two grafs.

• She really does think Barack Obama invented the fist pound. Look, here’s a jokey (I think) AlterNet article predicting this from June. If you haven’t seen it, be sure to watch this local news clip about the Obama fist pound, also.
• No one, anywhere, ever, is going to perceive someone’s refusal to fist bump as a sign that this person does not like Barack Obama.
• Are Obama supporters known to be argumentative, competitive types? I thought, since they’re robots — hilarious joke, by the way — they’d be docile and easily programmed.
• Is tennis really the sport that attracts the argumentative types? Just because John McEnroe yelled at the umpire 30 years ago or whatever? I dunno. I think you might find more arguments in a game of, say, baseball or basketball than the one that forces you to wear white.
• A stern look? In response to a moment of congratulation from your tennis partner? If I ever play tennis, I hope this person is not my partner.
• I guess that “Wasting Indoor Court Time is a Sin” is written that way because it’s suppose to be an immutable rule, or maybe it’s a sign seen in indoor tennis courts. But I like to think of it that she’s in a religion where one of the commandments is not to waste court time in tennis, with two factions that split a few hundred years ago over whether it applied only indoors or on all tennis courts.

That’s really all I had the stomach for — or, rather, it could only go downhill from there — but feel free to read on! Just wait ’til somebody teaches this writer about the handshake where you kinda half-hug the person. Her head will explode.

In Retrospect, The Best Obama Swag: The Audacity Of Soap

Today’s Clout features a little anecdote from Daily News columnist Ronnie Polaneczky about a great piece of Obama merchandise she picked up at the inauguration: The Audacity of Soap!

This is probably the most clever of all the Obama merchandise I’ve seen. And, of course, nobody got it:

Ronnie wanted four bars to take home to her editors. But she balked at the $5 price. The vendor eventually settled for half.

“He said I was only the second person in the crowd who understood the reference,” Ronnie said.

Yes, this isn’t new, but it’s a quality reminder nonetheless that, if anything, Obama has already brought us all this great merchandise and we’re not even a week into his presidency yet. Wait ’til he has a scandal!

Clout: Fumo had Daily News reporter in his sights [Daily News]

‘Northeast Times’ Celebrates Obama Election The Only Way It Knows How

Some news: The Northeast Times‘ website is now part of Philly.com’s MyCommunity section! Obviously! And for some reason all the stories are in Courier New.

That being said, let’s cut to the quick: This week’s editorial, about the inauguration of Barack Obama.

OK, racists of all colors, you can drop the hatred act now. Your gig is up. You can shut your filthy mouths now, for is officially colorblind. Barack Obama, ’s [sic] “first black president,” is now just “President Barack Obama.”

This of course means the time has come to disband groups and causes that are reserved for one race or another. No more “black colleges.” No more “United Negro College Fund.” No more “Black Journalists Association.”

What better way to celebrate the inauguration of the nation’s first black president than by calling for the end of all black colleges! I honestly can’t tell. Is it being tongue-in-cheek? It really doesn’t seem so, but it’s so absolutely insane that I’m wavering. (I’ve heard this argument before, though, too.)

Who knew that the point of the United Negro College Fund was to one day elect a mixed race man as president? The only private organization that should be demolished with the election of Barack Obama is the Group To Elect One — And Only One — Hawaiian President.

The editorial goes on to talk about how Obama’s race is irrelevant, and that he shouldn’t really deal with race at all. That it begins by calling for the end of the Black Journalists Association proves, I think, that Obama will be addressing race issues throughout his presidency.

Editorial: Hail to the chief [Northeast Times]

Matthews: MSNBC The Real Winner

Oh, Jack Shafer. I believe everyone just wants to give you a big hug after this incredibly hilarious takedown of Chris Matthews in Slate (what?) the other day.

But, more importantly, you tipped us to this explanation from Matthews about the smiling faces in Washington on inauguration day:

After noting the many smiling faces in the assembled inauguration crowd, Matthews took a shot at explaining the happiness. Sure, it’s the festivities, but it’s also the proximity of the crowd to the MSNBC booth, he insisted.

“This is the network that has opened its heart to change, to change and its possibilities. Let’s be honest about it. These — these people watch this network out here,” Matthews said.

MSNBC, the real reason for hope on Inauguration Day.

Chris Matthews’ Inaugural Jib-Jabbery [Slate]

Just So We’re Clear

When Barack Obama comes to town, he’s at the Sheraton at 17th and Race.

When Billy Mays comes to town, he’s at the Sheraton in Chinatown.

It seems like this is a good way to mark the relative quality of hotels in this town.

Let’s Break From Obama Stories For: Beer!

It’s a subscription site, so I can’t read anything more than the first two paragraphs of this Financial Times article, but those first two grafs are excellent:

The industry body that monitors the promotion and sale of alcohol has accused a Scottish microbrewery of marketing a beer that glamorises drugs.

“Shelves across the UK are being cleared of Speedball beer because it is promoting the illegal drugs mix that killed the Hollywood stars John Belushi and River Phoenix,” the industry-funded Portman Group claimed yesterday.

I think John Belushi is in heaven (or hell, wherever) going, “Man, I made a ton of funny jokes and all you guys remember is that I overdosed. And thanks for bringing it up, Portman Group, in your quote about a British beer brand’s name.”

Apparently, “shelves across the UK are being cleared” means the beer is being taken off the market, not that people in the UK are all buying it to show their love for speedballs. (More from Professor Dan!: A speedball is a heroin and cocaine mix, FYI. Sometimes amphetamines replace cocaine. Mixing an upper with a downer, same idea as a rum and coke. It strains the heart and isn’t advisable; mixing drugs is generally something one should not do on a whim. Quoth The Encyclopedia of Addictive Drugs: “[C]ombining stimulants with depressants can give the human body quite a beating.”)

I found another story on this thing, and it actually continues to be pretty funny:

BrewDog director Martin Dickie described the criticism as idiotic, saying the firm only produced 5,000 bottles of the beer to hit back at the Portman Group over its threat to ban three other BrewDog beers, which were later cleared.

Mr Dickie said: “The Portman Group were picking on us for no reason and we were fed up. It was deliberately slightly provocative to give them something to complain about so they can justify their existence in what they were doing to us and wasting everybody’s time and effort.

“This is a drink which, in the UK, had a release of 1,184 bottles and cost £3 a bottle, so Speedball is for those who enjoy a quality beer responsibly and enjoy a premium drink at a premium price. You can still buy 24 cans of strong lager for less than £10. That is the real problem here, not a small brewery producing a run of 5,000 beers which will mostly be sold in specialist beer shops.

“The beer is called ‘Dogma’ in America and that was what we always intended to call Speedball here after its first run had finished,” added Mr Dickie.

I also just really like the idea that, in essence, the people who sell one drug (alcohol) are preventing the promotion of a competitor. Hey, these are tough economic times.

UArts Students On Obama

UArts kids celebrated yesterday’s inauguration yesterday by making some art for Barack Obama, KYW 1060 reports. Some students also made everyone who heard the report want to make a thousand art school jokes.

• “I wrote, ‘Yay, Obama,’ because I’m glad he’s president.”
• “I wrote, ‘Work it B-Rock,’ and I wrote, ‘Keep the Hope Alive in ‘09.’”

Yay, UArts. Yay.

University of the Arts Marks Obama Inauguration — with Markers [KYW 1060]

It Sure Does, ESPN

His election will be meaningless, however, if we do not get a college football playoff by the end of his term.