Everyone Loves A Phillies Parade!

It’s Parade Day! Yes, folks: Today, for the first time ever, the city of Philadelphia will have a parade.

Okay, so maybe not. But this will be the first time in 25 years a sports team will get a parade in Philadelphia. If you haven’t been paying attention, the Philadelphia Phillies recently became the first pro baseball team to land on the moon. Hence the celebration!

A million billion people will be in the city today to celebrate the team of nine strangers who play in South Philly; it starts at noon at 20th and Market and will get down to the stadiums by about 1:45. Ooh, I’m totally sure Ferko String Band is going to win this year!

As you may have heard, Mayor Nutter has told people not to be a jackass during the parade. During the 1980 parade, liquor stores and banks were closed across the city, but (don’t worry!) this year liquor stores will remain open.

Bank Sues Bank Robber

The day after Christmas, a man robbed the Huntingdon Valley Bank of $38,000. The alleged robber, Richard Boyle, was arrested. And now the bank is suing him for the money back.

I didn’t know banks could sue bank robbers, but I suppose it makes sense; Laurie Mason of the Courier Times writes it’s “an unusual move.” The head of the American Bankers Association says even she’s never heard of such a lawsuit. “It’s very unusual,” Margot Mohsberg said. “Robbers don’t usually have much money, so unless there are some unique circumstances here it would seem like a futile effort.”

Boyle’s lawyer, though, says his client has no assets and is “judgment-proof.” The bank couldn’t be reached for comment, but if it needs to sue a bank robber to get 38 grand back, its employees were clearly out checking coin return slots for quarters.

Bank sues suspected robber [Bucks County Courier Times]

Wachovia Loses Almost $360 Mil

Hmm, maybe this is the reason the PNB sign in the sky hasn’t been replaced just yet: Wachovia — the PNB building’s tenant — lost a staggering $359 million in its first quarter.

Sadly, economic troubles for my bank doesn’t do much for me besides Schadenfreude. And people are going to lose their jobs, though there’s no word on whether any Philadelphia jobs will be cut.

“I’m deeply disappointed with our first quarter results, but I am confident we’re taking prudent and appropriate actions in this challenging period to restore Wachovia to a more profitable path,” Wachovia President Kenneth Thompson said. Whatever that means.

Wachovia loses $393M in 1Q [Phila. Biz Journal]

Bank Name Shuffle Continues

Hey, so all those shiny red toaster-like Commerce Banks in the city are now changing their name; on April 10, they’ll all offically become TD Commerce Bank, switching its colors from red to green.

The current TD Banknorth branches that were formerly Hudson United Bank will also become TD Commerce Bank; no word yet on whether some of the branches that are a block from each other (i.e. on 11th Street) will close.

TD stands for Toronto-Dominion, which finished its acquisition of Commerce Bank yesterday. TD Commerce Bank better keep offering free coin counting, or there is going to be a protest or two. But fortunately, Commerce says it’s going to keep them, and keep giving treats to “your kids and your dogs.”

Keystone Cops: Billions And Billions Served

Keystone Cops is a look at police, crime and public safety news. It’s rather, uh, easy to do — yesterday, I didn’t even write any jokes! — so it looks like it’s going to happen every day. Smaller logo coming soon, though I love this photo.

• Cops in Bordentown arrested a man selling crack out of the drive-thru at McDonald’s on Route 130. Customers interviewed said it was the Happiest Meal they’ve ever head. [Camden Courier-Post]

• A former school board president in Reading has been arrested for robbing a bank, apparently unaware this is not the 1890s. A current school board member: “He had a lot of good works in the city. That’s got to count for something.” [AP/NBC 10]

• To be honest, I just want to know the backstory of this incident in Richland: “Don Woodward, 68, of Kintnersville, was charged with harassing an employee at the Dollar Tree on North West End Boulevard on Monday, police said. Barbara Woodward, 63, of Kintnersville, faces disorderly conduct charges stemming from the same incident, police said.” [Doylestown Intelligencer]

• And, in Northeast Philly, a car drove into a building, proving that no place is safe from traffic accidents up there. [6 ABC]

Always Pick Your Bank Based On What Morning Talk-Show Hosts Endorse It

From an ad on the front page of today’s Metro, Commerce Bank is now…

… the official bank of Regis & Kelly! Yahoo!