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Jul
1
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The other night, Yelp — a trendy Web. 2.0 review site — held an event at the Mexican Post near Love Park for its “Elite” users, a group no doubt infinitely cooler than me and my regular user status.
This was a dumb move, because Mexican Post sucks. And, as such, Mexican Post has now received a ton of angry reviews on Yelp from people at the event.
Their complaints, though, weren’t limited to the regular shittiness of Mexican Post. No, the main complaints from users were that Yelp users weren’t given enough free stuff. Oh, man, how dare they! The comments range from “What a way to fuck yourself in the ass MP” to “we were expecting to be lavished as most *ahem* ALL host-places do” to “I got two chicken wings. That’s it.” Most of the posts were at roughly the same level of seriousness you’d use for a doctoral dissertation.
Of course, people love to complain with a ridiculous amount of seriousness (especially on the Internet). And there’s nothing wrong with complaining about shitty free food and drinks. But this Yelp user sort of sums up the whole idea of a review site holding events at bars (naturally, it’s in the form of an Internet meme, itself from a cartoon to begin with):
the deal is simple:
Step 1: Mexican Post, you give us lots and lots of your food and alcohol for one night.
Step 2: If the food, drink, and atmosphere are amazing, we will return the favor with lots and lots of equally amazing reviews.
Step 3: Profit and / or world domination for you. Hangover for us.
You blew it, Mexican Post, you blew it.
If you give Yelp free drinks and promotion, you get great reviews on the site. While Mexican Post is certainly stupid for giving bad service to people who were going to go on the Internet afterwards and complain about it, it’s … oh, hell, I’m dangerously close to making a direct point here, and it’s as stupid and obvious as “don’t trust people on the Internet, especially ones who get free shit to write positive reviews.” I’ll stop. Sorry.
Side note: The Yelp post has a Chrissmari sighting!
Semi-related note: If you enjoy awful blogs, hilarious commenters on the Internet and more of the dead seriousness you can only get from people online, be sure to check out this comment thread on BoingBoing. There is so much hilarity involved in it I feel bad having to pick just one awesome comment: “This is a really interesting situation. It reminds me of the Judith Miller portion of the Plame Affair.”
Mexican Post [Yelp]
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dmac | 4:04 PM | 15 Comments
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Feb
7
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On the Morning Call forums — in the comments for this story — there is this plea for sanity in online comments:
Heh, good luck. My advice is to just roll with it and celebrate gay sex jokes and ridiculous conspiracy theories. George Bush did 9/11 to cover up his affair with Dick Cheney!
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dmac | 4:02 PM | 0 Comments
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Jul
26
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Geeze, and I thought you just put a statue of Mary in your window. (Also a virgin! I never knew the source of that superstition until just now. Duh.) Follow me after the jump for some of the most awesome/pathetic sex jokes this blog has ever seen — and that’s saying a lot.
More »
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dmac | 11:07 AM | 3 Comments
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Mar
12
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An Iraqi national living in Atlantic City forced a Philadelphia-bound flight to divert to Las Vegas last week after airport security found several items in his ass.
Here’s what he was trying to sneak onto the plane in his ass:
Fadhel Al-Maliki, a 35-year-old Iraqi national living in Atlantic City, N.J., had been flagged by security officials at LAX and was undergoing a secondary “selectee screening” when he set off a metal detector. Al-Maliki, a former security guard, told screeners that he knew what had triggered the alarm and proceeded to remove items from his rectum, including a rock, chewing gum and thin wire filament.
I’m not quite sure what he was going to do with a rock, gum and wire, but perhaps he’s the Iraqi version of MacGuyver. Of course, crack American investigators quickly ruled out any theories that make any sense.
A preliminary investigation appeared to rule out a theory that Al-Maliki may have been looking for weaknesses in security or was rehearsing for a terrorist act, federal and local law enforcement authorities said.
During questioning, Al-Maliki said the objects in his rectum were used to alleviate stress, federal law enforcement sources said.
The rock, authorities said he told them, was from another planet.
I heard this is why we haven’t captured Osama Bin Laden. Every time anybody gets close to him, he puts all his terrorist training tools up his ass and then says they were just there to relieve stress.
Hidden Objects in Passenger’s Body Triggers Bomb Squad Call, Flight Diversion [LA Times/AirportBusiness.com via Johnny Goodtimes]
[Photo via CBC. I'm not quite sure where that airplane is taking off from, either.]
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dmac | 11:52 AM | 0 Comments
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Aug
28
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After discussing whether her column her column was bad for kids over the weekend, today Faye Flam asks why, in English, the words for sex and sex organs are deemed the “worst” swears.
While the Inquirer doesn’t print fuck, dick, cock, pussy, tits, twat, cunt, motherfucker, come-covered man slut or any other “sexual swear” I can’t think of off the top of my head, there are several instances of “F-word.” (”F-word” has been clinically proven to be less harmful to kids than “fuck.”) We also learn that the Inquirer has lessened its restrictions on “damn” and “hell,” yet “buggery” is banned. Well, bull feathers!
Apparently, though, cursing is good for the soul and good for society. (It’s not even a sin to say “fuck.” Yes! Fuck fuck fuck! See how fun that is?) As for society, well, Flam explains:
Overall, the scientific evidence suggests swearing is good for you, says psycholinguist Timothy Jay of Massachusetts College of the Liberal Arts and author of Cursing in America. ¶ We’re the only animal that can curse, he says, which sometimes helps us avoid physical violence. “It allows us to express our emotions symbolically and at a distance.” For example, Jay says, when a woman was weaving in front of him on the road that morning he was able to call her a “dumb ass” instead of getting out of his car and biting her.
After being cut off, Timothy Jay’s two options were (a) say “dumb ass” or (b) get out and bite her. I must say, that’s quite a clusterfuck.
Why are sex words our worst swear words? [Inquirer]
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dmac | 2:20 PM | 4 Comments
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Mar
6
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Yes, thanks to all of you who wrote in. I saw it (obviously).
I didn’t write about it, because, I mean, what’s so funny about it? It kind of doesn’t even make sense. Referencing a hack Christian book series in a headline about a movie about gay cowboys? I mean, I don’t quite get the… hmm? Oh. Ohhhh… OHHH!
I get it now. Heh heh.
Left Behind [Wikipedia]
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dmac | 4:50 PM | 2 Comments
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