Trentonian Columnist: City Needs Plan For Obama Assassination

Trenton is a city in New Jersey, and it has two newspapers, one of which is The Trentonian. (You follow me here?) And The Trentonian has a columnist named L.A. Parker.

And, today, the columnist with a name disturbingly close to the company that brought us L.A. Lights shoes wrote a column titled Activist: City needs plan for Obama assassination. Oh, yes, what will happen to Trenton if its most famous native son, Barack Obama, is assassinated? They better have a contingency plan!

Anyway, here’s the best paragraph:

Whether you believe James Earl Ray acted alone or Lee Harvey Oswald fired without conspiracy or that John Wilkes Booth delivered a monological historical intervention, assassination remains a showstopper of U.S. human energy.

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Comments Are Back; Ron Paul Returns!

Hey, now that the comments are back, might as well quote The Onion on Ron Paul:

One assassin told pollsters that he is still hopeful that Congressman Ron Paul (R-TX) will be elected in November. However, even if Paul fails to win the presidency, the respondent fully intends to carry out his plans to stab Paul to death in December.

Ha ha! Get ready, Onion, for the inevitable hate mail and online columns denouncing you.