|
If you didn’t pick up Sunday’s Inquirer, you missed one of the best front sports pages in a while. Almost everything on the page was a headshot of some sort, including a whopping four columnist mugshots. (But, really, the photos were cropped tightly on the faces, too. It was like 16 eyes staring at me while I read skimmed the front page.)
A word on the Inquirer columnist headshots: They’re weirdly lined, as if on an old television or the Rocky steps. (You can click here for a giant example of Jim Salisbury in scan-o-vision.)
Nonetheless, thse are headshots for public consumption, and so I decided to play Tyra Banks and introduce Inquirer Next Top Model, a beauty pageant of sorts for the four columnists on Sunday’s front sports page. Let’s go over the four, in alphabetical order.
 |
Bob Ford. Ford has a natural enough looking smile, but is that right eyebrow smaller than the left? If you want to be a columnist, you gotta get your eyebrows plucked before the photoshoot. However, the laugh lines are a nice touch; it shows Ford doesn’t take himself too seriously, a rare trait in sports columnists. |
 |
Ashley Fox. An excellent touch for Fox to keep her hair down for her columnist photo. Her smile seems a little too big, but it again shows she’s not taking herself too seriously. (Good job, Inky!) And there doesn’t appear to be any sort of eyebrow malfunction. Bonus points, too, for the porn star-esque name. |
 |
Jim Salisbury. Salisbury is clearly a man of serious baseball writing with his stoic expression and collared shirt. I expect him to start debating Plato’s The Republic halfway through his column. And, really, could the photographer have gotten a little closer? I don’t know if I can see his nose hair well enough with this close-up. |
 |
Stephen A. Smith. Hello, professor! Smith has the whole Poindexter look down pat right here. The glasses and suit look — for a sports column! — brings a whiff of superiority and smugness, which is sort of like his writing. (Ba-zing!) However, I’m willing to give Smith a pass here: I’ve been on many a press conference, and sportswriters need to be given every example they can on how to dress better. |
We now have to declare a winner. The victor is none other than Ashley Fox, which I guess makes her a victress. (You, of course, didn’t really need me to tell you — of course I was picking the woman. I’m such a pushover. You can complain if you wish, but, really. It’s a contest I came up with in five minutes.)
I’ll finish up with a quick punny ending: Ashley may be a simple sportswriter, but in this contest she’s certainly a fox. (Ugh. That was so bad.)
|
