PennDOT Installing L

NBC 10 says it has exposed the “mystery” of the color-coded detour signs all around Pennsylvania. Okay, so I’d never seen these signs before the NBC 10 report, but I don’t have a car anymore. Apparently, though, there are orange, blue and green signs with arrows that say “detour” on them. They also helpfully note the colors with words for the colorblind!

Anyway, the signs are part of a post-9/11 emergency plan, apparently. This color-coded system shares a lot in common with the color coded terror alert system also put in place after 9/11: Nobody has any idea what the colors mean and nobody really pays any attention to it, anyway. But, oh man, if the Willow Grove Mall is attacked, we need an exit strategy!

The color-coded detour signs are going up all across the state in the coming months. (Currently, they lead to nowhere.) They’re meant to be able to direct drivers back to the Interstate in case of a forced exit due to an accident or something. NBC 10’s Lynn Berry: “If there’s an incident, message boards and media reports will be made telling motorists which color detour to take.”

So if you’re in your car and forced to exit I-95, just check in to Philadelphia Will Do and I’ll you which detour to take (the blue one). I think it’s settled: This is the most successful plan of all time.

Update: I apparently quit writing this headline right in the middle of it. But I kinda like it now, so you can just pretend I died halfway through.