With Penn Kids, All Stereotypes Always True

It’s been a while since Philadelphia Will Do has checked in on Penn’s Stephen Morse, online columnist and white Darfur supporter, even if you black people are too busy to support a brother.

Let’s see what he’s up to on the Daily Pennsylvanian’s blog:

One month ago, Philadelphia Inquirer architecture critic Inga Saffron hailed Penn’s newest building, Skirkanich Hall, as “the city’s best new building in years.” Well, Inga, I have no architecture degree, but you should really be out of a job. To me, this building is nothing more than a giant glassy booger. [...]

Speaking of Pottruck, it’s architecturally a pretty cool building. So is Huntsman Hall. But why didn’t the architecture critics step up to bat for these structures? Our side of the Schuykill is also blessed with the awesome Cira Centre, but Inga Saffron arrogantly calls the creation “standoffish.” She also believes that “the difference is that Cira is a commercial office tower and Skirkanich is a work of art.” [...]

Maybe Skirkanich hall is just a butterface, and her real beauty lies on the inside. Editor’s Note: Link to Urban fucking Dictionary for “butterface” not added by me.

Yeah! Why didn’t the architecture critics agree with Stephen Morse, Knower Of Everything?! They should totally lose their jobs — lose their jobs! — so we can get better architecture commentary like “it’s like a booger!” I can’t wait until his treatise, “City Hall: A Piece Of Poop,” comes out.

Skirkanich: One not-so-fab lab [DP's The Spin]

Hopefully, Philly Won’t Be Attacked By Godzilla

Yesterday, Brad Maule of Phillyskyline introduced us to New River City, an ambitious project along the Schuylkill planned by Daroff for World Acquisition Partners and Patriot Parking Corporation.

As you can see from the screenshot there, Daroff designed the project using SimCity, but it’s still a pretty neat project: a series of towers (for various uses) to be built along the Schuylkill River and JFK Boulevard. Of course, it’s also a ridiculously expansive project, and this is Philadelphia:

As is true, of course, for Philadelphia River City. Ten towers is a lot to expect of any city outside of New York and Chicago at once, much less within a single project. Factor in the costs and risks involved in building over TWO separate railroad tracks (Septa’s and CSX’s) and it gets that much trickier. Factor in over 15,000 users (residents and visitors) a day. Factor in parking (much of which could be robotic). Factor in the challenges of Philadelphia bureaucracy and the abominable NIMBY. It’s a big, big IF.

As of now, that bureaucracy is in motion. The developers and architects have already submitted the project, as one big master plan, as opposed to several little plans, to L&I for review. With so many assets — retail where there is currently nothing, public access to the Schuylkill River Park where there is currently controversy with CSX, a muffler over CSX’s noisy, stinky trains, two hotels in a city that is sorely underserved, an Olympic sized pool, a skating rink, a Jetsons-age people mover from River City across the river and to 30th Street Station, and a totally changed skyline — one would think it could clear those hurdles.

Indeed. Will this all actually happen? In a word, “Ohhellnaw!” But, hey, Daroff Design zoned a couple sections residential and commercial and got the SimCitizens to move in, so we can dream…

Phillyskyline.com
SimCity [Wikipedia]

‘Inquirer’ unveils new way to annoy readers

I’m sitting at my desk, browsing Philly.com, and I see on the front page a link to Inga Saffron’s column about the architecture of the new SEPTA stations in West Philly. (Yes, my intro for this post was to tell you how I found this article. Shush.)

Great, I thought. It’s Saffron, whose writing I like, it’s SEPTA, which is so charmingly awful, and it’s West Philly, where I used to live. (Okay, not really. But I like West Philly. Shush again.)

I’m reading the article, and it’s all about how the new EL stations are supposed to blend in a little bit with the early-20th century rowhouses that line Market Street. To me, this is interesting stuff. (One more peep out of you and you’re grounded.)

Then I reach the eighth paragraph. I finish reading it, and see this note as the ninth graph:

Editor’s Note: Read the rest of this column in tomorrow’s Inquirer.

I think it’s about time to declare the newspaper/Internet mashup craze over.

Changing Skyline | SEPTA hits high and low notes with rehabbed station [Inky]