Archie Hamburger Headed To Ohio?

Oh no! Philadelphia Will Do favorite R.J. “Archie Hamburger” Umburger could be traded to Columbus, reports the Columbus Dispatch.

Who even knew Columbus had a team? Who even knew that on Friday afternoons I’d have to resort to hacky jokes like the previous sentence? (Okay, we all knew that one.) The story (cleverly headlined “Umberger?”) notes that ol’ Archie went to Ohio State and that the Flyers re-upped Jeff Carter for three years and $15 mil.

Umberger? [Columbus Dispatch via The 700 Level]
[Image via Big Ben News]

Flyers To Canada: Ha Ha Ha

A reader knocked some sense into me let me know I really needed to post about the wild 4-2 Flyers’ win last night that put our boys in orange and black up 3-1 in the Eastern Conference Semifinals. Yes, that’s right, the Flyers are one game away from the Stanley Cup semifinals just one year after winning only 22 games. Unbelievable!

To make things better, R.J. Umberger — sometimes known on closed captioning as Archie Hamburger — scored twice last night; after the Flyers’ blew yet another two-goal lead, a guy with a great first name (Daniel Briere) scored on the power play to put them up for good with just a few minutes to go.

Redlasso video highlights after the jump.

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Archie Hamburger & Co. Head To Playoffs

Well, how about that! After stumbling to the worst record in franchise history last season, the Flyers got off to a hot start, suffered a mid-to-late season lull and recovered in time to qualify for the playoffs.

The Flyers, the No. 6 seed in the Eastern Conference, will play the Washington Capitals. The Flyers finished the season a point ahead of the Caps, but Washington won the Southeast Division despite not being in the Southeast. Also, some of the other teams in Washington’s division don’t even have skates.

The Caps are led by Alexander Ovechkin — sometimes referred to on closed captioning as “Blowback Chicken” — who led the NHL with 100 million goals this year. He’s also 6-foot-2 and 217 pounds. The Caps won 11 of 12 to finish out the season, because sports are rigged and the NHL wanted its new biggest star in the playoffs they got a new coach after starting the season 6-15.

The Flyers have a bunch of players whose names I will try to learn over the course of the playoffs. One I do know is R.J. Umberger, who is occasionally referred to on closed captioning as “Archie Hamburger.” I’ll also be learning more about Ovechkin today so I can make appropriate jokes about him after he scores 5 goals to beat the Flyers or something.

Ovechkin, Capitals await the Flyers [Inquirer]