Hillary Finally Wins A Primary State

Well! It appears Barack Obama’s fat line of hope and change was cut with too much baking soda. Yesterday, Hillary Clinton won Texas and Ohio, ending her 44-state losing streak and somehow putting her right back in the race.

Barack Obama still leads the delegate count, but now Clinton is going to win the nomination and Obama is going to end up voting for 100 More Wars McCain. (He clinched up the GOP nomination nom yesterday.)

On the democratic side, though, everyone’s still going to fight on, even Mike Gravel! (Gravel is now campaigning on his plan to make all laws be done by national vote. This would mean public school teachers would teach creationism and the incorrect solution to the Monty Hall problem while all gay people are in jail.)

Anyway, since Clinton, Obama and Gravel remain in the race, that means only six weeks to Pennsylvania! Oh, boy, I cannot wait ’til the television ads start and Michael Nutter is called the worst person ever for being a black dude supporting Hillary. Oh wait! I’m sure that second one has already happened.

In more important “winning” news, the Phillies have won the Braves’ respect.