Apocalypse Philadelphia New Jersey: Governor Cannon

Hey, Jon Corzine, you just were inaugurated as the 54th governor of New Jersey.

How are you going to celebrate? Hmm? You’re going to have a party at Princeton’s airplane hanger of a gym? Ew, okay. I guess the state’s in dire financial straits, but, I mean, come on, Christine Whitman (remember her?) had a freakin’ snow-themed party at an airplane hanger. You’re going to hold it at a gym, and a really ugly gym at that?

Well, we have to do something more. How about a 19-cannon salute. I mean, what else would you do on this special day?

Corzine: ‘Hold Me Accountable’ [Camden Courier-Post]
Photo via CBS 3

Apocalypse Philadelphia: The New $100 Bill

From an ad in today’s PW:

New $100 bills! Yes, I’m really stretching here to keep this going! (Still, this is kind of creepy.)

Quickies: Apocalypse Philadelphia, Now

• Stop the presses! Notorious B.I.G. (or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, or The Blob, or whatever joke you want to make) is wanted for a crime in Philadelphia (left)! Although the police sketch is a bit just like a circle with eyes drawn on, how many 350-pound men with “buff” on their arm could there be? Shouldn’t be too hard to catch. [Sketch scanned in from DN]

• Once the best in the NHL, the Flyers lose their third straight. Even worse, star (and dreamboat) Peter Forsberg goes down with a groin injury. This game was played right by the xylene accident. Coincidence? I think not. [Inky]

• The city yesterday was overrun by Ben Franklins. Simply overrun! [Inky]

• An ex-Philadelphia cop is slain by his ex-lover’s son, who also happens to be the son of a Philadelphia police officer assigned to the mayor’s security detail. And by all accounts the dude was a God-fearing, nice dude. Yikes. [DN]

• And, in the most nefarious Apocalypse Philadelphia news yet: Southampton Days chairman seeks answers! Everybody run! [Bucks County Courier Times]

Apocalypse Philadelphia: Bad ideas all around

Okay, let’s say you’re a dude who has a thing for hookers. Hey, you know, there are worse things, despite what ex-Urban Warrior Carla Anderson will tell you. Okay, so let’s say you’re a guy who has a thing for young hookers. Hmm. Okay, that’s probably bad, unless you’re hiring 19-year-olds.

Okay, lets say you’re a dude who hired a 17-year-old hooker, gave her enough cocaine to kill her, didn’t get her help and is now charged with supplying the drugs that killed her. So, like, you’re a monster. But you’re out on bail. What do you do? Hey, how about anything but hire another hooker?

Yes, that’s right, David Downey is alleged to have hired a prostitute while out on bail after being charged with essentially murdering another prostitute. The motel’s manager recognized Downey and called the police, who moved in. The prostitute allegedly told police the two had sex — and, dude, being a prostitute sucks if you have to screw this guy — and there was talk of drugs.

Oh, David. Montgomery County DA Bruce Castor is moving to have his bail revoked and will charge him with new offenses. The question must be asked: We know David Downey is quite possibly a very horrible person. But is he this effing stupid? During Apocalypse Philadelphia (uhh, and surrounding areas), anything is possible.

Downey Faces New Prostitution Charge [NBC 10]
Photo via NBC 10

Apocalypse Philadelphia: Kyle Korver

Sign of Apocalypse Philadelphia No. 3:

The Kyle Korver bobblehead, free at tonight’s 76ers game for the first 5,000 kids.

It Has Hair! Kyle Korver Bobblehead Night, Courtesy of Chevrolet, Set for Jan. 18 [Sixers.com]

Apocalypse Philadelphia: 50 MPH winds

Last night I heard Glenn “Hurricane” Schwartz telling me that there were going to be winds of up to 50 miles per hour this morning. That sounded like typical weatherman overstatement.

Well, now that I know today is Apocalypse Philadelphia, I know that Hurricane wasn’t exaggerating. High winds sparked a car fire! How does that even work? 54,000 customers in Pennsylvania don’t have power. An awning on Chestnut Street was blown off this morning by these apocalyptic winds. And the weather isn’t really even that bad, besides the wind. It’s in the 60s! And it’s going to get nicer — before going to get into single digit wind chills by tonight.

Oh, and also, my umbrella was almost broken walking to work this morning, and I’m still kinda peeved about it.

High Winds Wreak Havoc Across Tri-State [CBS 3]
Power Outages Reported From High Winds [NBC 10]
Forecast Discussion: Update For Today [Philadelphia Weather]

Apocalypse Philadelphia: The Xylene Spill

Oh, yes, boys and girls, we have a theme today, and it makes no sense. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to milk it all morning.

Have you been outside today? Have you heard any of the news? Well, today everything in Philadelphia is leading up to Apocalypse Philadelphia, and this city’s going under.

Example No. 1: The xylene spill. Yesterday at 5:30 a.m., a tanker truck went over the center barrier and overturned on I-95 in South Philly. It spilled xylene, a highly flammable solvent used in the printing, rubber and leather industries. And although only a small bit spilled out, one spark could have lit the entire tanker ablaze.

And the road wasn’t completely cleared until 8:15 p.m. (The first pump they brought in to clean up the spill failed.) Nobody was hurt. But who knows what’s going to happen now? The xylene could have been released into the air, and we could be breathing it in! Especially with these high winds… oh, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Tanker spill snarls I-95 traffic [Inky]
xylene [Answers.com]
Photo via CBS 3