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Meanwhile, Also In Jersey…

A man was arrested after authorities said he “stalked and beat three goslings to death with an umbrella in Middletown.” He was smiling after the event, witness said. What, he was just saving the schools some cash by keeping the geese off the football field!

Ex-Nun Hordes Super Fast ‘Matrix’ Puppydogs

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In Mayfair, a former nun was cited with 62 counts of animal cruelty after investigators found, uh, 46 cats and 16 dogs in her home. The woman apparently was taking in any animals she could get and the place was overrun with cute little bundles of fur.

Neighbors told NBC 10 the stench overwhelmed the neighborhood for two years, so they’re finally happy everything doesn’t smell like shit anymore.

Anyway, while the workers were bringing the dogs out, a few of them escaped, some of them apparently at warp speed, according to the photo above that looks like the poster for The Fugitive. They eventually caught all the dogs in the driveway (called an “alleyway” everywhere but Mayfair).

Also the ex-nun was outside of the house wearing a Phillies t-shirt. Silly. It shoulda been a Michael Vick jersey!

Former Nun Cited For 62 Counts Of Animal Cruelty [NBC 10]

‘I Would Go To One Tonight’

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After Jerry Falwell died, a couple of obituaries mentioned Falwell turned down a career in baseball to go into preaching. A few people on the Society for American Baseball Research listserv asked if anyone knew anything about Falwell’s baseball past.

A member, Merritt Clifton, responded with the following anecdote. Clifton since told me he’s writing it up for Animal People, a monthly about animal protection that he edits:

I recently stumbled over an early connection between Jerry Falwell and a “sport” of sorts, but it wasn’t baseball.

The July 1938 edition of The National Humane Review, published 1913-1933 by the American Humane Association, reported that Jerry Falwell’s father Carey H. Falwell, proprietor of the Merry Garden Night Club in Lynchburg, Virginia, was fined $200 for hosting dog fights on February 6 and May 2, 1938. He was also fined $100 for having a gaming table at the May 2 dog fight.

These were major fights, at a time when dogfighting, cockfighting, and pigeon shoots were among the fundraising mainstays of the Ku Klux Klan. Involved parties in the Falwell fights came from as far away as Texarkana.

Jerry Falwell was only five years old at the time. However, dogfighters with two separate convictions usually remain involved for as long as they stay out of jail. Almost certainly Jerry Falwell was exposed to dogfighting from an early age.

Testified Carey Falwell on the witness stand, “I like dog fights. I would go to one tonight if they were going to have one.”

Who knew Jerry Falwell and Michael Vick had so much in common?

Quickies: Cute animal edition

021306cavvy.jpg • Aww. Over 300 puppies were rescued from a house and barn in Chester County. They’re not up for adoption, though, even though they are oh-so-cute. [NBC 10]

• This is amazing. These people made Garfield funny. Well, not totally funny, but sort of like a tragicomedy where it’s just a lonely man talking to himself. By taking out all of Garfield’s thought bubbles, the comic is a post-nuclear absurdist piece of art. No, really. [Something Awful Forums]

• Convention Center expansion will not only take the Paul Green School of Rock, but the 24-hour adult book shop, too! Nnnnnnooooooo! [DN]

• If you build it, they will come (and piss on the seats): The Puppy Monorail. [Monorails.org]