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‘Bulletin’ Columnist To Singlehandedly Solve UK Crime

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The Bulletin’s Chris Freind, who currently holds the title of America’s Best Columnist, is singlehandedly solving some UK child abduction case that’s apparently big news over there.

In the meantime, since Freindly Fire has been on the case from day one exposing the child-negligent, globe-trotting, celebrity-wannabes known as Kate and Gerry, perhaps it is time to take a trip across the pond to do what the British media has not - and will not - do: report the facts.

I can’t wait ’til Freind solves the case the British police could not, leading to the major motion picture Freindly Fire, the story of a columnist for a very small conservative Philadelphia newspaper who travels around the world solving crimes. It’s the new James Bond!

Update: He has another column where he pronounces them guilty! Case closed.

McCanns As ‘Suspects:’ That Is No Surprise [The Bulletin]

America’s Best Columnist Attacks Free Markets

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It’s been a while since we’ve checked in with America’s Best Columnist, Chris Freind of the Bulletin. And what’s he been up to recently? Well, aside from writing a column “gloating” (his words) and basically summarizing a few previous columns — including one about SEPTA where he was right because somebody had to go to the hospital because a bus hit her! — he’s been getting all riled up about foie gras.

Foie gras, if you didn’t know, is duck or goose liver that is enlarged by force feeding it. About 15 people protested to ban this practice in Philadelphia, but since somebody at the Inquirer feels the same way as they do, they got a front page story on a Sunday, so it’s a bigger issue than more well-attended protests. (Even the “King Tut was black!” protest got more people.)

But, anyway, Chris Freind is against restaurant owners making their own decisions on what to serve because it’s a slippery slope.

I respect the animal rights groups’ opinion, although I am in disagreement with it. They have been successful in getting foie gras banned in certain areas, and as a result of their efforts, more than a few restauranteurs have taken the item off their menus. While this is a bottom-line victory for the vegans, it is less a result of their arguments and much more because most business people are cowards. Instead of banding together to aggressively advocate their side of the fight, and shelling out the money to hire the best attorneys and PR firms to represent their interests, they cave in when there is a ripple of controversy. (That’s you, Steven Starr. But hey, at least we now know from your asinine comments what kind of character you have. People should boycott your restaurants on that basis alone.)… More to the point, perhaps the cowardly restaurant owners and chefs who cave in to such pressure tactics should be more concerned about their own guts than those of a duck.

If you ban foie gras, Chris Freind will force feed you until your liver explodes!

Foie Gras? It’s About Having ‘Guts’ [The Bulletin]