Republican Mayoral Candidate Declares Race ‘Exciting’

The text of the web site (mayoral2007.com) of Al Taubenberger, running unopposed today for the Republican nomination for mayor, in full:

I’m as curious as you are in who I’ll be running against in the Fall.

It’s exciting.

We can bring about real change.
We can attract more jobs.
We can have better policing.
We can better fund the arts.
We can stop waste and have a scandal-free government.
There’s a lot of things we can do, and I’ll be talking about all of them.

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Which Rich Guy Will Lead The City For 8 Years?

And here we go.

We’ve been through Milton Street singing on top of a casket. We’ve had Bob Brady tell us elephants will return to the zoo in his administration. We’ve had Tom Knox promise not to show movies at Dilworth Plaza. We’ve had Dwight Evans ask us not only where the beef is, but also tell us his crime record is beefy.

Michael Nutter told us he’d be opening up a shop to sell Philly-themed merchandise. Chaka Fattah brought out Shaft to attempt to win our votes. Bob Brady didn’t know how a pension works. (That’s okay, Bob, most of Philadelphia doesn’t know what “vested” means either.) Tom Knox didn’t know what Gilligan’s Island was.

A guy in a shark costume told us not to vote Tom Knox. (He disappeared after Frank Keel got in the way and is presumed dead.) PW told you to vote for the mayor that looks good with a big nose and glasses. Jim Kenney predicted voters would vote for the guy they saw on the teevee most, and he may have been right.

The gay newspaper endorsed Brady. The bilingual one endorsed Knox. Every candidate told us he was just like us! Queena Bass continued to run for mayor while homeless man Jesus White took his first shot at the ballot. People got angry on messageboards and blogs. Websites were trolled. Accusations of racism were flung. These things happen.

Sam Katz told us the mayor’s race would be close, then positioned himself for an independent run, then told us it’d be Nutter in a landslide. Sam Katz will be here to kick around for a while.

Fattah told us Mike Nutter had to remind himself he’s African-American. (And Milton Street said Nutter was the Watermelon Man.) Somebody told us Knox was a good Catholic while Brady and Nutter didn’t go to Catholic church anymore.

After today, it will — let’s pray — all be over and some rich guy will be in position to lead the city for eight years, unless Al Taubenberger has photos of the eventual winner with a donkey who is not his wife. It might be the union guy or the poverty guy or the smart guy or the really rich guy or the “Who’s the beef?” guy.

Hey, look at it this way: It won’t be John Street.

It’s election day! If you see anything exciting at the polls, notice a news anchor flashing viewers, find a funny campaign sign and/or anything else ridiculous, drop me a line at dmac [AT] philadelphiawilldo [.] com. If the day is exciting enough, I’m hoping youse can do my job for me. Then I can put my feet up.

[.pdf of Milton logo]

Mayor’s Race Roundup: Nutter Continues Solid, Smart Campaign Built On Issues That Nobody Really Wants To Pay Attention To

• While Milton Street was singing, Michael Nutter was introducing his zoning reform. Bor-ing! Wake us up when Nutter dances the cha-cha-cha while singing “What’s Going On?” [The Next Mayor]

• A Democrat in Northeast Philly wants Republican mayoral 35-percent-of-the-vote getter Al Taubenberger to drop off the face of the earth; or, actually, to leave the Philadelphia Parking Authority board. Since Taubenberger is not going to, uh, win, everyone involved says that, no, he can stay on the board. [Northeast Times]

• Chaka Fattah responded to Sam Katz’ assertion that his plan for taxing drivers who come into the city is “racially divisive.” He says it, uh, isn’t. His plan to tax white people for breathing, though, is still under fire. [Metro]

• Meanwhile, Gar Joseph reports people are attempting to convince Johnny Doc to endorse Bob Brady. In a normal mayoral election, this would be a complete shocker. In this race, it’s pretty much below average. [Daily News]

City Republican Party Finally Finds Person Who’s Okay With Getting 35 Percent Of The Vote

Oh happy day! After months and months and months of not having a candidate, the city’s Republican Party has finally settled on a nominee for the fake election in November. (The real one is in May or something.)

And that nominee: Al Taubenberger, head of the Greater Northeast Philadelphia Chamber of Commerce and letter writer to both the Northeast Times and News Gleaner. (One campaign platform has been set forth by that letter: He’s against boys playing on girls’ teams.)

So what will Taubenberger do to try to get the 35 percent or so of the vote he’ll get in the general election? Eff if I know. More importantly: Will have have a campaign Myspace? Everyone knows you can’t be a candidate for election without a Myspace page. Who doesn’t want to be e-pals with Al Taubenberger?

If you’re wondering about my personal stance on Taubenberger, it is this: I don’t know anything about him, I don’t know if he’d make a good mayor, I don’t even know what the Greater Northeast Philadelphia Chamber of Commerce does. But he is running for mayor and he is making me write out his long name for the next nine months, and that’s simply unacceptable. Street, Fumo, Johnny Doc, Goode: We like our politicians with short names. You better just change your name to just “Al.”

Philadelphia GOP Names Taubenberger for Mayor’s Race [KYW 1060]
Nov. 3, 2005 (!): The dangers of not reading the competition