A Republican To Be Phila. Mayor Any Day Now

Just one day after candidate Al Taubenberger got a smidge over 17 percent of the vote against Democratic candidate Michael Nutter, the Philadelphia Grand Old Party appears ready to take back Room 215 in City Hall.

Oh? Just look at this KYW 1060 headline, “GOP Philadelphias Vow to Regain Control of City Hall.” In the report, noted GOP Philadelphia Mike Meehan (chief counsel to the Republican City Committee) issues a bold prediction: “There’s going to come a time that a Republican’s gonna be mayor.”

Apparently, other cities voted for Republican mayors, and so Philadelphia could have a Republican mayor just like New York. (New York’s Republican mayor is, though, a pot-smoking one. On if he smoked weed, he said: “You bet I did. And I enjoyed it.” Rare honesty from a politician.)

So will Philadelphia copy off New York and elect a Republican? Uhh, no, not anytime soon, unless there’s a rich person who would like to run. (Meehan also said the candidate would have to start raising money now due to the city’s fund-raising laws. So… cheating?) Maybe Brian Tierney can run as the Charles Foster Kane of this city?

Election Roundup: Voting Is For Dorks

In off-year municipal elections, the City of Philadelphia’s actual election takes place in May. Sometimes the mayor races (i.e., mayor) include a formidable Republican candidate, but while Al Taubenberger is a great underdog, he was recently polling at eight percent. But all the Democrats who win races today were elected on May 15, including mayor-elect Michael Nutter. (It’s after 9. He probably already has enough votes to win.)

You should still go out and vote, though, and not because it matters (it doesn’t) or out of a sense of civic duty (fuck civic duty). You should go out and vote because it’s fun! While the voting booths are not the fun old-timey blues ones of yore, you still get to press a couple of buttons. Okay, so it’s not Making Time. But if you don’t press those buttons, Bush and Cheney will win, or something. Or maybe the terrorists win. I don’t know.

Go out and vote today. If you don’t, annoying people will lie to you and say if you didn’t vote, you forfeited your right to complain. Whatever. Complain all you want whether or not you vote; but it’s always nice to try to diffuse future annoyance.

Below, a roundup of fun election-themed stories. We’re using a very liberal definition of the word fun here.

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Taubenberger: Seems Like A Nice Guy

Hey, Republican mayoral candidate Al Taubenberger has a television commercial and, as expected, it’s like the rest of his campaign: Sort of appropriate for a fifth grade student council election. In the ad, Philadelphians tell why they’re voting for Al Taubenberger for mayor. Or, that’s what a 1930s radio announcer says.

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‘You May Sleep On A Bench, But I’m At 8 Percent!’

Everyone likes to complain about their financial situation. Even Bill Gates probably chews Warren Buffet’s ear off about how he’s only been able to buy three jets this week instead of his usual four. But Bill Gates wouldn’t complain to me about his Microsoft stock, and I wouldn’t complain to, oh, I don’t know, a homeless person.

And so, I present, Al Taubenberger’s quote to a group of homeless people at yesterday’s homeless rally.

“Wanna hear the title of a sad book? My check book.”

Al Taubenberger’s check book is probably not as big as Michael Nutter’s. But, hey, he has a check book.

Tune in tomorrow, when Taubenberger addresses a group of wildfire victims in California who lost their house and complains about how he could really use a new bathroom.

Friday Morning Wake-Up [Metropolis]
Yesterday: Go Rally To Fight Rich Fat Cat Homeless People

Michael Nutter Wins Mayoral Election

With 0% of the precincts reporting and polls not closed for 12 days and 20 hours, Philadelphia Will Do is declaring Michael Nutter the winner of the Philadelphia mayoral election. Nutter’s victory caps an incredible comeback that saw him at, like, Dwight Evans-type numbers in early 2007, yet he outsmarted everybody else on the way to primary and general election victory.

In an Oct. 25 Daily News/Keystone poll, Nutter led Taubenberger 83 percent to 8 among likely voters, but likely clinched the mayor’s office on May 15, the day of the Democratic primary. Nutter faces many challenges during his term in office, including a city pension plan in crisis, a high murder rate and a city that’s kinda dirty and, apparently, full of ugly people.

Philadelphia Will Do congratulates Michael Nutter on his impressive general election victory.

Poll: Nutter in a rout & some Dems are worried [Daily News]
Tuesday: DIY News: Philadelphia Ranked [First/Last/Low (Whatever Is Worse)] In [Arbitrary Category] In Survey By [Random Magazine]

Nutter, Some Dude Engage In Mayoral Debate

I might be wrong, but I think Al Taubenberger looks like this (photo about halfway down page). I think that’s University City Review editor Bob Christian in the photo — he moderated the debate — but, once again, Al Taubenberger has had a bit of an unintentional indictment of his campaign.

Candidates tackle University expansion [Daily Pennsylvanian]
Sunday: Nutter, Whatshisname Debate The Issues

Nutter, Whatshisname Debate The Issues

In this weekend’s CBS 3/League of Women Voters mayoral debate, host Larry Kane had a little trouble attempting to figure out just who was running against Michael Nutter.

You know, I think New Jersey Sen. Frank Lautenberg has about as much chance of winning this election as Al Taubenberger does.

Register To Vote For Exciting Already-Decided Election

We are now less than a month away from the most exciting time of the year — i.e. the election between midterms and presidential. Could those odd-year elections be any more exciting?

Oh, yeah, there’s also a mayor’s race in Philadelphia between the guy who’s going to win (Michael Nutter) and the guy who’s going to lose (Al Taubenberger). And don’t forget the third-party candidates John Staggs (Socialist Workers, eligible to run for mayor, actually on ballot) and Larry West (independent, not eligible to run for mayor, not on ballot).

If you are very excited to vote for Mayor Al or meatpacker Staggs, be sure to note: Today is the last day you can register for the election in Pennsylvania. If you don’t vote, nothing will happen, but you lose your right to complain about the guy you voted for who’s not paying attention to your stupid pet causes.

Taubenberger Picks Up Irrelevant Endorsement

Hey, kids! Or, rather: Hey, registered voters! Do you listen to the inventor of the magic bullet theory when attempting to choose a presidential candidate? Well, if you do, then you’ll be happy to know Arlen Specter has endorsed Al Taubenberger for mayor!

However, Specter does show just how good he is at politics with this quote:

“I’ve been trying to bring back a second major party to Philadelphia for forty years,” Mr. Specter said.

And what a good job, uh, Mr. Specter has done.

Specter Endorses Taubenberger For Mayor [The Bulletin]

Abridged ‘Daliy News’ Columnists

John Baer: Live from 2004, here’s a column about FactCheck.org!

Jill Porter: This woman loves cats so much she moved into a condo that didn’t allow pets.

Phil Goldsmith: Al Taubenberger has no shot at winning.