Main Liner Shockingly Annoyed

Today’s question for Salon advice columnist Cary Tennis comes from some snooty rich person on the Main Line (I guess), and is as follows: My neighbor’s son is playing basketball from 3:30 p.m. to 7 p.m., and I can’t stand the bouncing. Also, I will point out that he sucks at hoops.

Gawd, how bad is it that a kid wants to get out and get some exercise and attempt to better himself at something he clearly enjoys doing! The nerve of that stupid little punk.

The real question is, of course: How close could houses in a “lawned and leafy, neo-bucolic suburb of Philadelphia” be? And how loud could a basketball being dribbled be, especially when it’s at 3:30 in the afternoon? And how could you live that close to Narberth and be annoyed by basketball?

Anyway, if you’re an adult with a kid who loves basketball and plays a lot, I suggest you start teaching him some new skills: Like shotput throwing, drumming or possibly screaming contests.

He dribbles! He shoots! He drives me insane! [Salon]
Thanks, Emily G.