2008 Brings Triumphant Return Of Milton

Ohh, Milton! After dropping out of the public eye for many months after defeating only two candidates in the Democratic City Council At-Large primary, Milton Street is back!

By “Milton’s back”, of course, I mean the federal government is preparing for the fraud and tax evasion trial of the mayor’s brother. But, hey, same thing!

Friday, prosecutors filed court papers detailing their plan to nab Ol’ Uncle Milty. They’re prepared to call 47 witnesses, including Milton’s son (Thomas Milton Street Junior!) and a “woman familiar with Street’s wagering practices at Philadelphia Turf Club,” according to the Daily News. (You see? Barbaro is involved with this case, too.)

Connie Little, a former top aide to the mayor, could testify about money paid to Milton Street from Mayor Street’s campaign! All in all, it’s going to be a great little trial, and you can expect Philadelphia Will Do to cover it with the furor of an Alycia Lane uppercut.

Happy New Year, Hungover Cube Drone!

Happy new year everyone! Screw you, 2007, and let’s move on to what is sure to be the greatest year in human history. I realize it is my job today to help guide your still hung over self through the hardest three-day week since, uh, last week, but I’m a little slow myself today, so give me a few minutes. Plus, the hamster that runs our server got crushed by a common Internet joke generator.

In the meantime, check out Wikipedia’s page about our new friend 2008! This is the International Year of Planet Earth! How can you be disappointed to start a work week when it is your first week honoring Earth. (The International Year of Planet Earth, you’ll be happy to know, runs for three years. And Cyprus has already adopted the euro!

Plus, we only have four more years to enjoy earth before Darren Daulton says the world is going to end. Live a little!