Barack Obama On, Uh, 610 WIP

Barack Freaking Obama called in to the 610 WIP Morning Show and was interviewed by Angelo Freaking Cataldi today. I can only assume Obama’s on his way over to my place later today so we can watch some old Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. Oh, man, that would be sweet!

Obama even said he wanted to stop by the studios sometime! Plenty of softballs from Cataldi — he’s in Obama’s pocket!! — but he did ask him, “Why should we elect you president?” That’s a question I think commentators on TV don’t really ask, instead focusing on Barack Obama’s pastor and how he offended Pat Buchanan so much he stopped hating gays for a second.

So, yes, if I had a choice of the national TV news covering this election or Angelo Cataldi, it’s 610 WIP’s morning show hands down.

Media Just Like A Sad Puppy To Obama

Barack Obama’s big speech on race was like 84 billion minutes long. It was good and all — I mean, it was good when I was paying attention to it in the beginning — but then it kept going on and on. I especially liked the part where he was like, “My grandma was scared of black people!” Oh, you silly white people.

Obama and Hillary “Rodham” Clinton aren’t just chilling in Philadelphia; they both have to go all over the state in order to get these people to vote for them and oh my God John McCain is going to be president, isn’t he? Anyway, apparently while up in the Wilkes-Barre area, Barack Obama was mean to The Times Leader, the paper of record:

“Look, we’re not here to answer questions from The Times Leader all day,” said Sean Smith, an Obama press official. “You will get releases as soon as they are available.”

You take that, Times Leader! It is interesting that for once Hillary Clinton is the warm-’n'-fuzzy lovable, hug-able candidate and Barack Obama is Mr. Meanie. But Obama is the one the press is in favor of, according to conventional wisdom; even though he treats them like crap, they keep coming back like a dog. Aww, good boy.

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Obama To Speak On (Uh-Oh) Race

Today at the National Constitution Center, Barack Obama will give a speech about his race. Judging by how well Mitt Romney’s Mormon speech went over earlier in this campaign, I can only assume this will clinch the nomination for Hillary Clinton.

Obama is an excellent orator at times, even though we’re not allowed to say that because it might be racist. But can he actually speak about race in America without being called a racist? Some “professor of race and pop culture” at “the University of Southern California” told ABC News: “We’ve never really had a proper discussion about race and racism in this society so when comments come about as they have throughout this campaign we really don’t know how to act.” Ha ha, good luck, Obama!

All of this stems from the earlier race issues in the campaign, like when Bill Clinton said white people drive like this, and black people drive like that. But Obama’s pastor, Rev. Wacky, said some wacky things like we shouldn’t be throwing everybody in jail. Obama has apparently already “condemned” this quote: “The government gives them drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants to sing ‘God Bless America. No, no, no, not ‘God Bless America’ — ‘God Damn America.’” This makes sense, of course, as Barack Obama wants to keep putting black people in prison for drug crimes at a rate ridiculously higher than that of white people.

ABC News says Obama has a “postracial” appeal and his speech will be about moving past race. I fear that somehow this speech will end in only one thing: President John McCain. Ohh, WALNUTS!

Obama’s Race Speech to Stress Moving On [ABC News]

People Vaguely Connected To Other People Make Statements 3rd Set Of People Find Offensive

Check this out: A Hillary Clinton supporter who was making calls for her at a phone bank just walked up to a Los Angeles Times reporter and said this:

“I’m supporting Hillary because I love the Lord and I don’t want a person named Al-Barack Hussein Obama to be our next president,” he said.

Meanwhile, Barack Obama is being criticized not only over being Irish, but also for having some pastor who hates America.

“The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America.’ No, no, no, God damn America, that’s in the Bible for killing innocent people,” [Rev. Jeremiah A.] Wright said in a 2003 sermon that was reported late last week by ABC News.

How dare Al-Barack Hussein Obama listen to that man with his message of tolerance and love and fewer prisons! Do you know how much prisons drive the economies of many rural areas? Fortunately, once President Barry eliminates poverty we won’t have these problems anymore.

Obama To Visit Pa. Tomorrow, Too

Hey, Barack Obama isn’t letting Scranton’s own Hillary Clinton get all the local attention here tomorrow. Obama’s gonna be in town, too!

Clinton takes the stage at night at Temple, but Obama will be at the old steel plant in Fairless Hills tomorrow. He’ll be touring Gamesa Wind Turbines, which probably makes wind turbines. Then he’s going to get on a diving board and cannonball right into the nearby GROWS landfill.

Dept. of How Do We Cover This?: Barack Obama to be in Bucks County on Tuesday [Philly EDGE]

Obama Exploiting Hopeful Poor For Change

Barack Hussein Obama has the charm, the looks, the delegate lead. But things aren’t all blow and weed for the presidential front-runner: His name sorta makes him sound like he could be a terrorist (as first reported in Metro in 2006), he has a friend who’s on trial in Chicago for throwing puppies and both Satan and Osama bin Laden have offered their support.

Still, things are pretty good: In February Obama raised $55 million, roughly the equivalent of eleven Ron Paul Liberty Dollar money bombs. So with a cool 55 mil in the bank just from last month, why is Obama charging the hopeful poor for campaign signs? Clark DeLeon writes on his blog:

I stood next to a young woman offering herself as a volunteer at the reception desk at Obama’s Philadelphia headquarters on the fourth floor of former bank building a 15th and Sansom Sts. in Center City. She asked for a Barack Obama poster to put in her front yard in Powelton Village. She was told that such a sign would cost her five dollars. And she paid.

“I felt guilty,” she said later, noting that when she worked as a volunteer for Chaka Fattah during his run for mayor of Philadelphia no one ever charged her for campaign posters. She didn’t have to add that she also felt stupid and vaguely insulted. Five dollars for a campaign poster? This is change? Earlier that same week a middle aged city employee and District Council 47 union activist used her lunch hour to stop by Obama’s newly opened Sansom Street headquarters (right above PW!—dmac) to ask for an Obama for President sign to put in her South Philly rowhouse window. She was treated like a bag lady trying to get over on Ebay. “You people come in here expecting free material,” said a shockingly unpleasant man.

Barack Obama clearly is coming up with a backup plan here: If he doesn’t win the presidency, at least he’ll have all the money in the country. Clearly, this is a good plan.

What’s up wid dat? [The Daily DeLeon]

Hillary Clinton Grew Up Everywhere

On Saturday, the Inquirer wrote about Hillary Clinton’s girlhood home, which is in “Lake Winola, Pennsylvania” and is where she spent her summers as a child. (She’s from suburban Chicago.)

Okay, so not really her girlhood home, but the Rodham family still owns the property, so fair enough. And, hey, the Inky’s Larry King also told us we’d be hearing more about it. And, hey, here it is already!

Hillary Clinton begins a two-day barnstorming blitz of Pennsylvania with a campaign rally tonight in Scranton. Clinton is scheduled to appear at 6 p.m. at Scranton High School, less than a mile from her childhood home.

Clinton will be in Philadelphia tomorrow, speaking at a rally at Temple — a school where, in her girlhood, Clinton led the basketball team to the 1956 Final Four.

Hillary Clinton in PA today, Phila. Tuesday [Inquirer]
Sen. Hillary Clinton’s girlhood home (sort of) [Inquirer]

Old People For Hillary, It Seems

The Atlantic’s Matthew Yglesias, who is surprisingly much more serious than I am, posts this chart of Pennsylvania’s demographics compared to Ohio and the nation. More bachelor’s degrees, more old people. Take that, Buckeye State!

Old people like strict mothers, so Clinton is expected to do well here. But there are also lots of college students, clearly a big boon for Obama. March 24 is the last day one can register for the PA Primary. There are already Obama volunteers a-plenty in Philadelphia; expect one out of every third person on the street to be one by early next week. Well, unless all the Obama and Clinton supporters drop out of the race, something I’ve been suggesting for weeks. Months, even! Even before the 2004 election, I was.

Obama, Chelsea, Possible Live TV Sex

Ever since I was called “obsess[ed] with sex” by Philadelphia magazine back in early 2006, I’ve grown to become even more obsessed with sex. And if I can make jokes and innuendos about it, then even better!

Hey, so here’s the end of Obama’s hopefully change speech last night, for which the camera was awfully shaky on CNN (at least reports PW editor Alli Katz, who is not tired of election coverageas I am). After about a minute of cliches from The Biggest Loser — who somehow is eliminated even though he won every single state in the Union before last night (and several in the Confederacy) — the shaky camera stops and — whoops! — up pops a CNN anchor. Ho ho! Yes, I am always excited to insinuate blowjobs and defame innocent people (see previous mention of ‘being on the Internet 100% of the time’).

Meanwhile, Chelsea Clinton is already working her corner for Mom in Pennsylvania today; either that, or she’s in town to buy a Powerball ticket. Clinton is appearing at (where else?) Penn, where she will attempt to get 34th Street editors fired, I bet.

And, hey, Gar Joseph and Will Bunch have a podcast about how big Pennsylvania is next month! The end of next month! Keep tuned in to Philadelphia Will Do to see a case study on the effects of brain melt on a writer. Aargh.

Hillary Finally Wins A Primary State

Well! It appears Barack Obama’s fat line of hope and change was cut with too much baking soda. Yesterday, Hillary Clinton won Texas and Ohio, ending her 44-state losing streak and somehow putting her right back in the race.

Barack Obama still leads the delegate count, but now Clinton is going to win the nomination and Obama is going to end up voting for 100 More Wars McCain. (He clinched up the GOP nomination nom yesterday.)

On the democratic side, though, everyone’s still going to fight on, even Mike Gravel! (Gravel is now campaigning on his plan to make all laws be done by national vote. This would mean public school teachers would teach creationism and the incorrect solution to the Monty Hall problem while all gay people are in jail.)

Anyway, since Clinton, Obama and Gravel remain in the race, that means only six weeks to Pennsylvania! Oh, boy, I cannot wait ’til the television ads start and Michael Nutter is called the worst person ever for being a black dude supporting Hillary. Oh wait! I’m sure that second one has already happened.

In more important “winning” news, the Phillies have won the Braves’ respect.