Nero To Burn Down Kimmel Center

Hey, everybody!Nero is performing at the Perelman Theater! Yes, we’ve resurrected the roman emperor who didn’t fiddle while Rome burned. Now that the fiddle has been invented, maybe he can finally do his famed performance!

Okay, so it’s Peter Nero. (And this joke was a lot funnier in my head. Shut up, it’s Monday morning.) But instead of directing the Philly Pops in songs you probably hate, he’s doing a straight jazz performance at the Kimmel Center’s smaller theater. People are apparently pumped! (Nero’s an excellent jazz pianist.) He will be bringing his 9-foot Steinway to the Kimmel Center with him.

The cheapest tickets cost $100, so you won’t be able to afford to attend.

ALL THAT JAZZ: Peter Nero to perform at Perelman Theater [Daily News]

The Price Of Gas Keeps On Rising

Hey, remember back in 2001, when we all got that $300 tax rebate? Oh, yeah, not really, because it happened right before 9/11, and we forgot pretty much everything else when that happened. (We especially forgot to, oh, you know, check and see if we had plans for the post-Saddam era in Iraq. But I digress.)

Anyway, we’re going to get another tax break, if some senators have their way: There’s a proposal right now to give everyone $100 to spend on gas.

And not just drivers. Everyone who pays their taxes will get a $100 check. (Take that, illegal aliens!) So, even though I sold my car, I’d still get a Benjamin to spend on gas, although I don’t have to spend it on gas. But since the price of everything is supposed to be going up due to the price of gas — or so the pundits say — I suppose giving the check to everyone makes some sense.

Not that the idea makes much sense, really — I’m no economist, but just giving money out isn’t the best way to spur the economy, is it? — and not that it has much chance to pass.

Or, you know, maybe the senators just want to celebrate Ben Franklin’s birthday in a very special way, eh? Eh?

Senators to push for $100 gas rebate checks [CNN.com]
Spending Your $300 Rebate [Suddenly Senior]
Photo by honan, and if you’re wondering why I didn’t pick a photo of a gas station in this area or even on the East Coast — the photo’s from San Fran — well, uhh, shush. I was going for the ‘76.’ Yeah, that’s it.

Apocalypse Philadelphia: The New $100 Bill

From an ad in today’s PW:

New $100 bills! Yes, I’m really stretching here to keep this going! (Still, this is kind of creepy.)