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Good To The Last Drop…

022409bournebowling.jpg Lincoln University is a little excited about its recent women’s bowling victory over Cheyney. Oh, yes, you’re right: It’s time for another round of amazing Lincoln University sports information director enthusiasm! Hmm, I should probably come up with a better name than that.

But trust me, this is going to be great. Let’s learn how that bowling match ended up:

Featuring more twists and turns than a suspense novel and more thrills than an amusement park roller coaster, the Lincoln University of Pennsylvania’s, 713-710, exciting bowling victory over rival Cheyney University at Devon Lanes Tuesday afternoon was literally good to the last drop, or in this case, the final roll.

Here’s a fun game: Count the metaphors in that sentence! No, wait, don’t, or else you won’t get any more work done today.

I do especially like the constant use of modifying words in this opening paragraph, though; despite being told this particular collegiate women’s bowling match was bigger and better than both a suspense novel and a roller coaster, the win is still later called “exciting.”

I actually think this use of “literally” might be correct, though I’m not sure. Indeed, the game was down to the final roll, but was it also down to the last drop as well?

With Lincoln trailing by 15 pins, Lincoln sophomore Tahirah Stewart’s mission was simple: mark and earn a third ball in the tenth frame of a tight and tense match.

Stewart knocked down eight pins on her first roll. Two pins on the right side (closest to the gutter) remained standing. Stewart removed her black glove. She took a deep breath along with four steps and released the ball from her sweaty right hand.

Sweaty? Eww. Thanks for the tight and tense imagery.

When the ball left Stewart’s hands, it appeared that the match, along, with the ball, was headed down the gutter.

What’s amazing is this is only my second favorite part of this women’s bowling recap. The best part is coming, I promise you.

After yelling at the ball as it started traveling away from its intended targets, the ball suddenly curved sweetly like a boomerang into the two pins for a spare. On the final roll of the match, Stewart got eight pins to lift Lincoln to the pulsating victory.

Woo-hoo! Good job Lincoln! Man, that match sure did seem exciting. I wish there was a movie I could compare it to. Kingpin? Oh, maybe The Big Lebowski?

In a match that was the bowling version of the hit action movie, “The Bourne Supremacy,”

Or that movie works, too. Yeah, that makes sense; I bet this bowling match was totally like that second Jason Bourne movie.

Superwoman Playing At Lincoln U.

011409supergirl.jpg You may remember Lincoln University Athletics — the Lions — from their previous exploits: winning a men’s basketball game 201-78 and losing a pair of softball games 30-0 and 48-0.

(By the way, apologies for the anger in that post about the Lincoln’s 201-78 win. I guess in Dec. 2006 I wasn’t quite as jaded? If this happened today I’d probably throw them a party, or maybe criticize Lincoln for not scoring enough points. Seriously, what was wrong with me back then? Don’t answer that.)

Lincoln was ranked 11th in the country at the time it put up 201 points, but maybe the ghost of Dr. James Naismith is making sure they don’t have that kind of success again anytime soon. (He’s also like, “Fuck! Cut the hold in the bottom of the peach basket! I’m a doctor and I didn’t think of that?! Man, am I embarrassed.”) The men’s team is 2-8 this season.

But it’s the women’s team we’re interested in today. Lincoln U.’s athletics website was pretty upbeat back in early November. It’s easy to see why, what with a superstar like Chanelle Harris on the team:

Harris has combined the passion of Allen Iverson, the speed of Usain Bolt, the strength of Jameer Nelson, the grace of Dawn Staley and the precision of Kristi Tolvier to blossom into one of the top point guards in the CIAA.

If you’re wondering: Kristi Toliver was named the top point guard in Division I last season. Yeah, I had to look it up. But, um, shit! The speed of Usain Bolt? She should be running professionally, I think, with that kind of talent. And the passion of A.I.? Does that mean she drinks a soda on the sideline and works on her raps during practice? (This actually happened at a Sixers open practice at the Palestra.)

The article also lets us know our super-human point guard is nicknamed “Monica” after the character in Love and Basketball. Man, if I were a college athlete, I’d imitate a character in Blue Chips and get a duffel bag filled with cash.

As for the Lincoln U. women, well… they’re having a bit of a tough time this season, its second as a transitional NCAA Division II member. The team won its first game but has since dropped 13 straight. Well, we know lack of speed’s not the problem.

Super-charged Harris ready to lead Lincoln to success in 2008-09 [LULions.com]