You voted a few weeks back, no? I can see you now: All bright, chipper, cheery-eyed, if such a term exists. You have your “I Voted for Change” sticker on and you’ve put your Obama hat back on after you left the building, now that Pennsylvania election officials have ruled wearing a shirt of a candidate you like to the polls is highly illegal. (The best is that the argument for this is, “Think of what COULD happen!” What follows is some ridiculous hypothetical situation that would never in a million years happen.)
Anyway, voting. Yes, some Temple kids voted for Obama (wild guess) on Nov. 4, and — whoops! — now they’re realizing their votes won’t count. Only this time it’s not just an existential question about democracy, as they cast provisional ballots and nobody’s going to count all of them. Obviously.
Don’t feel too bad for Kristina Jones, though. She got to vote twice!
Jones filled out four voter registration applications in both Pennsylvania and her home state of New York, but she never received a voter registration card. She registered for the first time in Pennsylvania more than a year ago but “got nothing back,” she said.
After applying for a second time, she said her application was returned through the mail with the word “rejected” stamped on it in red ink. She then cast an absentee ballot in New York.
As it grew closer to Nov. 4, Jones said she feared an absentee ballot might not be counted. She registered once again in Pennsylvania, just in time for her application to be processed before Election Day.
Jones was told she would be on the polling place’s list of supplemental voters, but once she arrived, her name was not found. Though she filled out a provisional ballot, she has some doubts about whether it was counted.
Yeah. We God-fearing Americans have the right to vote in as many states as we want, as many times as we want, for whatever candidate we want! (Because it doesn’t matter. You see how hating politics can quickly lead to “plans for massive electoral fraud?” I bet this is how Nixon got started.)
Hey, look, the New York Times has its little fun times election map up, and you, too, can zoom in on Pennsylvania and be like, “Wait, Obama won Carbon County?! Yeesh.” And then you can laugh, laugh, laugh at John McCain ’til your lungs get tired.
A voter in Luzerne County — the only county in the U.S. where a plurality of residents are of Polish ancestry! — was kind of upset about Barack Obama’s election win. Hell, Obama even won over the Polacks in Luzerne!
Police were called to Pizzle’s Bar on Cherry Street at about 2:20 a.m. Wednesday for a man, identified as [Alexander J.] McKenna, swinging a cane at other patrons.
Police found McKenna on the ground yelling obscenities, the criminal complaint says.
Joe Blight and Ronnie Blight told police, the criminal complaint says, that they were inside the bar when McKenna began screaming obscenities about President-elect Barack Obama winning the presidential election.
McKenna walked across the bar and bit Joe Blight on the nose, and swung his cane at Ronnie Blight, according to the criminal complaint.
Oh, also, this dude is 70. And he fought the Blight Brothers! What a tough cookie.
Let’s see what 28-year-old Amy Ridolfi, a Legal Secretary, Democrat and McCain voter had to say:
I just don’t think the world was ready to have a black president. I’m not by any means prejudiced, but I fell short of the Democrat party this time around because I saw what was goin’ on and the world was just not ready to have that. I’m afraid that foreign countries around the world are going to look at that as our weakness.
Yes, those foreign countries sure are unhappy at the election of Barack Obama, as evidenced by this headline: World hails Obama victory.
Um, let’s give 39-year-old William Kessler a chance to talk. He’s 39, unemployed, and like Ridolfi a Democratic McCain voter.
Obama’s gonna bring the country down. I don’t trust him, he’s inexperienced…. Osama bin Laden has still not been captured. But Obama is Obama Hussein. Race, color don’t matter to me. But I don’t understand why the country voted for him…. Within six months of this year, when he comes elected, there will be a major war.
Well, looks like I’m headed off to war in a few months. Thanks for the warning, William!
“So when Brian Williams is asking me about what’s a personal thing that you’ve done [that's green], and I say, you know, ‘Well, I planted a bunch of trees.’ And he says, ‘I’m talking about personal.’ What I’m thinking in my head is, ‘Well, the truth is, Brian, we can’t solve global warming because I fucking changed light bulbs in my house.”
Some supporters did, as a Daily News photograph shows us, the “Obama Rock” dance, whatever that is. If only there was a Phillies dance all that car-flipping could have been avoided. But last night was a lot like the Series win: Nobody’s text messages could get through, my cable Internet went down for a while, people were drunk.
Is this the kind of America we can expect under a Barack Obama administration? The inability to contact one another over cell and wireless networks? Drunken celebrations by political nerds marching from Penn to City Hall? (This really happened.) Well, at least we’d be drunk, so that’s something.
Hey, look, here’s a video from “Election Journal” and oh my God it’s done by Stephen Morse. Back when we last visited Stephen, he was a finding controversies among poll workers as a Penn undergrad. Earlier today I linked that story, finding it funny there were similar “controversies” this year. And now I find out this Black Panther story is not only the same story it’s the same person oh my God history doesn’t just repeat itself, it repeats itself with the same exact people.
Anyway, I apparently gave Stephen Morse an award, so clearly it was only a matter of time before he returned into the Philadelphia Will Do universe. Welcome back, Stephen! Hope you’re doing well.
Hey, since these new-fangled “blog” thingies let us break the traditional rules of journalism, let’s just go ahead and call the race! Yes, that’s right, based on fake leaked exit polls, common sense, fivethirtyeight, returns of 0% and fortune tellers, Philadelphia Will Do is declaring Barack Obama the new president of the United States. Congratulations, Barry! We all knew you had it in you.
Here’s a Fox News report about polling places in West Philadelphia. GEE I WONDER WHAT THE REPORT WILL BE ABOUT. Yes, that’s right, Republican poll watchers were manhandled by Democratic operatives and murdered and eaten and had their organs sold on the black market. Longtime readers (wow, you’re still here?) will remember this is essentially the same thing then-Daily Pennsylvanian blogger/wunderkind Stephen Morse did two years ago, only way more annoying. It’s simple Philadelphia incompetence, not any sort of plot to disenfranchise Republicans.
We do want your organs, though. This clip is from PW’s politics blog, which might be of interest to you today for reasons I can’t quite remember right now.