Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: Is there a more boring story on news programs than “woman has lots of babies”? Anyway, this column is headlined, “Who to blame for octuplets?”

Ronnie Polaneczky: Oh, look, it’s a column quoting the dictionary definition of the word sacrifice. Sorry I’m not going to spend much time on the other two columns today because Fatimah Ali is next, and she’s calling for the assassination of Rush Limbaugh.

Fatimah Ali: I have to admit, this is a hell of an attention-grabbing lead:

THERE IS truly only one way to silence Rush Limbaugh.

Take him out.

I’m willing to bet that second line is not an Offspring quote.

But before you call the cops and accuse me of putting out a hit on America’s favorite angry conservative, let me explain.

I predict this explanation will be thoughtful and convincing.

The fact that anyone as mean-spirited as Limbaugh will reportedly earn nearly $400 million over the next eight years as he continues to spread his venom should give every American pause. It says volumes about his employer, Clear Channel, which just months ago signed him to a $38 million-a-year deal, then chose Inauguration Day to fire 1,850 of his colleagues.

Yes, that sucks for those employees, but this is American capitalism. You can’t just go put a hit out on everyone you don’t like on the radio. And if you’re going to put a hit out on annoying radio hosts, you start with WIP.

Ali then does a summary of the evils of Clear Channel. And then:

So when I say take him out, I’m not suggesting that we send a hit man to find Limbaugh (I actually think he’ll burn himself out).

Is she predicting Rush Limbaugh will shoot himself like Kurt Cobain? (”It’s better to burn out than to fade away,” etc.) That’s the only real explanation. She’s not suggesting someone kill Limbaugh because he’ll burn himself out (and kill himself). Yeesh, pretty harsh.

I’m actually talking about dollars and cents. The only way that anyone as mean-spirited as Limbaugh is has managed to stay on the air for two decades is that he’s making a lot of money for his bosses.

So the way to silence him is to stop listening and boycott his sponsors. If they go, so does he.

I now expect Rush Limbaugh to live forever.