This was steel-jawed Sexy Single John Atwater, just now at the end of the 5 o’clock news (paraphrased, sorry, there’s no TiVo here):
“Reports say a giant asteroid could be headed straight for earth. Find out the chances of that happening and what you should know about it tonight at 10.”
To be fair, both Atwater and Dawn Stensland acted a bit incredulous that a giant asteroid was headed to destroy the earth. On the other hand, we don’t get to find out ’til after Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader whether the Earth is being destroyed, just like every other teaser on local TV.
Update, 10:23 p.m.: It just got previewed on the news. We should know soon, and I’ll let you know if the asteroid is going to hit the earth when John Atwater tells me.
Update, 10:32 p.m.: Dawn Stensland told us that there is a 1 in 44,000 chance of us being hit by an asteroid in 2036. Congress is on it, she said, so I assume we’ll all be dead by tomorrow. (Zing!)
Now they’re on to this story about a newborn with a foot in his head. Ooh, now they’re down at Geno’s!
Yes, of course, you remember that, it was hilarious when Chase “The Model” Utleybot 5000 said “World Fucking Champions” on live TV during the Phillies parade.
“If they didn’t want such words to be broadcast, they should have aired [it] on a delay to catch any obscene language,” wrote a viewer from Philadelphia. “Pull their license to broadcast.”
The Phillies? All the local TV stations? Man, it aired on pretty much every channel, I really don’t want to have to watch just MyNetworkTV and the CW from now on, although I guess I would still get Gossip Girl.
Another viewer wrote: “He should be disciplined for his lack of respect towards his fans and in particular the children exposed to such vulgarity. . . . The broadcasters are not at fault. Chase Utley is.”
Disciplined… by whom? The Phillies, I guess. The Phillies could suspend him or fine him or something. Why this person would be writing to the FCC about this, I have no idea. But people do just complain about anything to anyone, as we’ve seen.
On a side note, can we look at what Chase Utley said to deflect questions about saying fuck on TV:
“I tell all kids not to use that word. If they’re 29 and they win the World Series, I think they can say that. But I definitely would say to all the kids out there, ‘Kids, it’s a bad word. Don’t say it. And I’m dead serious.’”
Ha ha, great, I mean it. I also love how dead serious he is — dead serious enough to say “And I’m dead serious.” Don’t say that word, kids. Take it from me, Chase Utley. Look at all the stupid mail I’ve had to deal with because I said it!
Another: “This was not a casual slip. This was an intentional misuse and abuse of the public airwaves. . . . How am I to explain such profanity to my child?”
I don’t know, maybe you can explain to your son or daughter that multimillionaires who have an uncanny ability to hit a ball (far!) with a bat sometimes say silly things, including saying the one word you’re not supposed to say on television on a live television broadcast. Ha ha, that was so awesome, I just remembered.
And another: “It was embarrassing that he was allowed to do that and if there are no ramifications I will be furious. Is there no platform that is sacred anymore?”
Yes, back when World Series victory parades were sacred. Like when the Philadelphia Athletics won the World Series in 1930, and they had the big parade, and second baseman “Camera Eye” Bishop gave a speech about how the A’s finished 102-52 but their Pythagorean record was only 93-61 and it just made him go, “World Bullfeather Champions.” Yes, I don’t know when things changed, but I bet it’s when they took the prayer out of World Series victory parades.
A radio listener who wrote, “I heard it here in Camden,” said: “That sort of language is no big deal… except that Howard Stern was driven off free radio by you, the FCC, because of content and bad words and the like. It’s only fair that broadcasters be held to the same standards… Fine KYW as much as you are legally allowed to fine them!… Lord knows the US Treasury could use the money.”
And, of course, one of the letters is from a Stern fan. I would wager good money the next sentence of this was, “Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Oh my, Richard Christie!”
“Attorneys general from around the country are gravely concerned about premixed alcoholic energy drinks because these products are dangerous and look and taste like popular nonalcoholic energy drinks,” said Maine Attorney General Steve Rowe. “They’re popular with young people who wrongly believe that the caffeine will counteract the intoxicating effects of the alcohol.” [...]
“Now that Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors have each agreed separately to discontinue caffeinated alcoholic drinks, this entire niche of products is all but shut down,” [the director of the Center for Science in the Public Interest] said.
Nobody, of course, can mix alcohol and caffeine themselves; one needs a chemistry degree for that.
It actually gets worse. Sparks isn’t technically going off the market altogether; MillerCoors will “continue to sell a reformulated version of Sparks that does not include caffeine, taurine, guarana and ginseng.” That means it’s all the disgusting taste of Sparks without any of the kick. Goodbye (real) Sparks, we hardly knew ye.
Earlier this week, a guy on the Price is Right got a final showcase bid exactly correct. How amazing is that!? Here’s the clip:
You might notice that Drew Carey wasn’t really all that excited about the dude getting the bid exactly correct. Well, yeah, this was the angle on TMZ last night, which made fun of Drew Carey for not being all excited. (No, I don’t usually watch TMZ, but I do have a just-as-embarrassing near-daily habit, the Fox 5 o’clock news and it was on afterward, and the intro promo mentioned a game show. Of course I left it on.)
My search led me to this Price is Right website. After reading through thirteen pages I found that, basically, a poster named “Ted” admits he was in the audience that day and was feeding the contestant the answers. In fact, earlier in the show this same contestant hit an exact bid on contestants row while taking “Ted’s” advice. “Ted,” apparently has been in the audience numerous times and has actually been on the show twice. He states that the prizes are often recycled and he has memorized the retail prices. He admits it is not fool proof because the prices often fluctuate from show to show, but that day it did not. I should add after reading through thirteen pages, everyone on that website seems to know “Ted” and no one doubts his story.
Um, so of course there is a website where people discuss The Price is Right for hours on end, and of course it’s golden-road.net. Right. And of course there is a guy who memorized all the retail prices of the prizes. And of course this whole thing was sorta cheating, I guess.
But what’s best of all is that the first time I watch TMZ in forever, their lead story is (1) a result on The Price is Right — it is December — and (2) from a completely wrong angle. Thanks, guys, I appreciate it.
Hey, there’s a brand new casino shirt (thanks for the heads up, JJ), and it’s all crazy serious, as one might expect. I don’t know, though; this shirt is okay, but it totally pales in comparison to that other shirt: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Three Sevens on the Center Line.”
Ronnie Polaneczky: 30 years ago, a nun scared away some tough youths by saying she was from Philadelphia.
Michael Smerconish: Oh, boy, Michael Smerconish does not care for the hooking up and the casual sex and the hippity hop and the “i”-Pods and the hey hey. Also he thinks it’s especially bad for women, he hints, because if there’s one person who know what’s best for you, ladies, it’s Michael Smerconish.
Just as the battle lines are hardening, newly compiled figures on wage tax revenue growth threaten to end the battle over the mayor’s proposed cuts by giving the mayor a good reason to delay them. [...]
That is not the most optimistic way to make the projections. The city is collecting wage taxes at the rate of $125,141,400 a month. Assuming that monthly pace continues, the the city will wind up $342,978,000 AHEAD of its total revenue projection of $1,158,586.
We’re totally set with the extra $300 mil in revenue or so.
(Sorry, been busy with story reporting and research! I know, I’m surprised, too. Hopefully I’ll be back to a regular schedule later this week.)
At the risk of these selling out and me not being able to get one, here’s a shirt from Space 1026. Available Thursday at B2 cafe, 6-9 pm, and Saturday at the Punk Rock Flea Market.
Nooooooooo! MillerCoors (their U.S. operations are combined) has announced it will 
