Quotable Philadelphia 2008

A lot of things were said in Philadelphia this year. Here are some of my favorites.

WFC WTF
“World Champions. World Fucking Champions.” — Chase Utley, at the Phillies victory parade Oct. 31.

“Honestly, I don’t know how to follow up Chase.” — Jimmy Rollins, immediately following Utley’s speech.

“Anybody who utters a word of that caliber knowing that millions of kids and adults are listening in person and on the radio, TV and Internet has no class and is certainly no hero.” — A Northeast Times editorial on Nov. 6.

“I tell all kids not to use that word. If they’re 29 and they win the World Series, I think they can say that.” — Utley on Dec. 15. Utley’s speech was broadcast live on most local networks; the Inquirer reported the FCC got 26 complaint letters.

“It was embarrassing that he was allowed to do that and if there are no ramifications I will be furious. Is there no platform that is sacred anymore?” — A complaint letter to the FCC.This Man Is Second In Line To The Presidency
“Look, John’s last-minute economic plan does nothing to tackle the number one job facing the middle class, and it happens to be, as Barack says, a three-letter word: jobs. J-O-B-S.” — Joe Biden criticizing John McCain in October.

“Chuck Graham, state senator, is here. Stand up, Chuck, good to see ya! Oh, God love you, what am I talking about. I’ll tell you what, you’re making everybody else stand up though, pal.” — Biden at a rally in September. Graham, a Missouri state senator, is paralyzed.

“When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here’s what happened.’” — Biden again, apparently unaware of when television came into popular use and when the stock market crashed.

“Barack America!” — Biden at his first appearance as Obama’s running mate.

This Man Is In Charge Of Pennsylvania
“You’ve got conservative whites here, and I think there are some whites who are probably not ready to vote for an African-American candidate.” — Ed Rendell, in early February, on Barack Obama’s chances in the Pennsylvania primary. Hillary Clinton won the primary with 54.6 percent of the vote.

“We don’t quite enforce in the neighborhood taverns as well as we do in the big hotels and restaurants.” — Rendell in January about selective enforcement of liquor taxes in Philadelphia. He later amended his remarks to say enforcement was merely “concentrated” on larger businesses.

“Janet’s perfect for that job, because for that job you have to have no life. Janet has no family. Perfect.” — Rendell on Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano, the next Homeland Security chief.

Sex, Scandal and Stupidity
“After assessing the overall impact of a series of incidents resulting from judgments she has made, we have concluded that it would be impossible for Alycia to continue to report the news as she, herself, has become the focus of so many news stories.” — A statement from KYW-TV, read by Larry Mendte, announcing the firing of Alycia Lane on Jan. 7.

“Luckily, we’re in Larry’s capable hands.” — KYW-TV rep Joanna Calabria, on Jan. 8, about the future of the station’s newscasts.

“The rumors were true. Alycia and I had a flirtatious, unprofessional, and improper relationship.” — A portion of Larry Mendte’s statement on Aug. 22, read after pleading guilty to a felony count of illegally accessing Alycia Lane’s email. He also said Lane was “undermining” him at the station, admitted he was a source for several stories about Lane in the press and claimed keystroke loggers are “much too easily available on the Internet.”

“Gross kept repeating and scandalizing the false allegations against the plantiff in order to continue to blacken the plaintiff’s reputation, increase viewership for KYW-TV and Mendte, and increase readership for the Philadelphia Daily News, as part of the conspiracy.” — A portion of a lawsuit filed by Alycia Lane in September against Larry Mendte, KYW-TV and Daily News gossip columnist Dan Gross.

“I don’t discuss whether anyone is, or is not, a source of mine.” — Gross, on if Mendte was a source for any of his reporting on Lane.

“I recall the time we were in Franklin Court when we were accosted by a man who was determined to interrupt the filming we were doing and Larry took the man aside and with a sincere gentleness that put a smile on the face of an agitated person diffused the situation.” — Ben Franklin portrayer Ralph Archbold, in a letter to the judge urging leniency toward Mendte. (Image of his letter.)

“He deserves five years, and that’s being lenient.” — Lauren Schumacher, in August, about Mendte to the South Philly Review.

“I am also sorry that you did not believe my previous public apology was sincere.” — Mendte in court, to Lane, on the day he was sentenced to six months house arrest.

“Larry Mendte is a lovesick, obsessed stalker… Instead of going public with the pain Mendte inflicted on her, Dawn should recognize that he can never be trusted and is not worthy of her, and that she might want to consider consulting a divorce lawyer.” — Lane attorney Paul Rosen, in response to a Philadelphia magazine interview with Mendte’s wife, Dawn Stensland.

Other Local Celebrities
“This is his day of judgment, and I would suggest to the court it’s time for him to go.” — Assistant U.S. Attorney Anthony Wzorek, urging the immediate detention of Milton Street. The former mayor’s brother was sentenced to 30 months for tax fraud in September—and was immediately sent to prison.

“A message must be sent out from this sentence that credit card fraud will not pay.” — Judge Eduardo Robreno on Oct. 22, sentencing Jocelyn Kirsch to five years. Kirsch, a former Drexel student, pled guilty earlier in the year to charges stemming from an identity theft scam run by her and her boyfriend, Edward Anderton.

“YOU DON’T KNOW MY NAME. BUT I KNOW YOURS. I ALSO KNOW UR NICE PLACE… AND HOW U GET HOME AT NIGHT. YOURE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT VISITORS AT UR DOOR. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’VE GOTTEN URSELF INTO.” — Text message hairstylist Jennifer Bisicchia says Kirsch sent to her in the middle of the night, as mentioned in a lawsuit.

“I understand their job is to sell papers, but they should at least be held to minimal journalistic ethical standards.” — Kirsch’s lawyer, Ron Greenblatt, on a Photoshopped Daily News cover of Kirsch in an ankle bracelet.

“Amazing that guy would leave the blueberry harvest to send that off.” — Bill Conlin, responding to a letter read on Daily News Live from a Vineland resident. Conlin has been barred from the show ever since.

“You can become a mechanic, what kind of mechanic? Air-conditioning? Listen, think about that. You can charge 75 dollars just for showing up, not having the parts and saying you’ll be back! That’s a lot of money!” — Bill Cosby, telling KYW-TV’s Ukee Washington the power of slacking off.

More Politics
“If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun, because from what I understand, folks in Philly like a good brawl. I’ve seen Eagles fans.” — Barack Obama, on the toughness of the campaign, here in June.

“I… continue to marvel at your inexperience, your political naivete and your inability to see an issue for what it truly is.” — City Councilman Frank DiCicco, in a letter to fellow Councilman Bill Green.

“HIS HANDS WERE SOFT AS BUTTER!” — Stepp Stewart, on meeting Barack Obama at a gym in Philadelphia.

“Does your house count as a library, with all the taxpayer funds you spent on mountains of books?” — Phillyblog poster niksiz, in response to a Mark B. Cohen post complaining about the closing of the libraries.

“Thanks to the above posters for so concisely documenting the kind of abuse that keeps almost all elected officials and the vast majority of civic leaders from posting on Phillyblog. I hope your ugly cyberbullying gives you the satisfaction that you are looking for and adds meaning to your life.— State Rep. Mark B. Cohen, in response to angry Phillyblog comments.

“Somebody call the… WAAAAAAAAAAAAmbulance!!” — Phillyblog poster TheTalkingMule, in response to Cohen.

Breaking Barriers
“I just don’t think the world was ready to have a black president. I’m not by any means prejudiced, but I fell short of the Democrat party this time around because I saw what was goin’ on and the world was just not ready to have that.” — Legal secretary Amy Ridolfi, to the New York Times.

“Obama is Obama Hussein. Race, color don’t matter to me. But I don’t understand why the country voted for him.” —William Kessler, also to the Times.

“You white racist that sign is offensive. You make sure you vote for Mr. Barack Obama. Get use to a black house in Washington.” — Signs taped to some Northeast Philly homes with John McCain signs.

“Anybody who runs with a guy with a name like that is not going to get my vote. It’d be disgusting to get a man named Barack Obama as president of the United States.” — Carolyn Bauer, 89, to the Daily News, at the Dining Car in the Far Northeast.

Media Madness
“If you see an article or story that you like, you can click it and it will be magnified for you.” — Philadelphia Tribune publisher Robert Bogle in January on the paper’s new “E-Edition.”

“A photo on Page 3 yesterday showed Conrad Veidt in ‘The Man Who Laughs,’ a 1928 silent film, not Heath Ledger as the Joker.” — A Daily News correction on Jan. 24.

“Did Bob Jovi’s ‘soul’ break the Curse of William Penn?” — A front-page headline in the Center City Weekly Press about the Philadelphia Soul’s Arena Football League championship.

“Put a fucking sock on it, Bristol and Juno. Until you understand resource management, you are expensive, selfish sluts.” — Reed Stevens, in the Broad Street Review, to Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol and fictional teen mother Juno (played by Ellen Page).

“Why debate moving the Barnes Foundation? It’s a done deal! But so were slavery, segregation and the Soviet Union, once upon a time.” — Broad Street Review editor Dan Rottenberg.

“Good sex lasts from three to 13 minutes.” — Sentence on the front page of Metro on Aug. 25 in a box labeled “Statistics.”

“Bush Becoming Catholic? Visit With Pope Fuels Speculation Of Conversion” — headline from The Bulletin in June.

“You know things are bad when the mascot gets cut.” — An anonymous Courier-Post staffer to Gannett Blog, on recent layoffs. Spot News, the paper’s mascot, was axed.

City Living
“It’s the most practical idea ever heard of in Philadelphia.” — Gardner Cadwalader, earlier this month, about his plan to build condos, casinos and Ferris wheels on man-made islands in the Delaware river.

“THERE’S NO ESCAPE FROM THE HOT TENTACLE ACTION!” — Press release regarding an inflatable Futurama character appearing at Love Park.

“This is totally out of scale with the rest of Center City” — Sen. Vince Fumo on the proposed American Commerce Center, a proposed 1,510-foot tower.

“Certainly, there is a risk. We will create expectations, and we have to work to make sure we meet them.” — Pat Nowakowski, SEPTA assistant general manager for operations, on a rollout of more buses and late night trains.

“We’re SEPTA. Third-rate in every way.” — Message on a poster put up on several SEPTA trains and buses sometime in August.

“Like a giant flash drive” — Inquirer architecture critic Inga Saffron, in her review of the Comcast Center.

“On Saturday, April 12, 2008, from 9:00 AM to 7:00 PM, at the Church of Scientology of Pennsylvania located at 1312-16 Chestnut Street there will be a protest against drugs.” — Alert Philadelphia email from the Spring.

“A prominent Unisys sign could potentially entice terrorists to target this building, believing that this is the Unisys headquarters or a structure solely occupied by the corporation.” — Liberty Two condo owner Charles Mouzannar, in June.

Higher Education
“I would love for them to independently think about imagery beyond the concept of race — to be able to look at and deconstruct certain images that we’re taught to think of in a certain context and understand why they’re so significant.” — Kal Penn, best known for his role as a stoner in the Harold & Kumar movies, on his class at Penn in the spring semester.

“I grossly underestimated the personal and hurtful consequences that such nonsense could incur.” — David Spain, editor of The Hawk, in an apology for paper’s April Fools issue, which joked that Cardinal Justin Rigali had announced he is gay. (From 2007. Not sure how I messed that up; my apologies.)

More Sports
“I’ve never been a part of a tie. I never even knew that was in the rule book… I was looking forward to getting the opportunity to get out there and try to drive to win the game. But unfortunately, with the rules, we settled with a tie.” — Donovan McNabb, after the Eagles’ tied the Bengals (then 1-8) on Nov. 16.

“An MLL Championship never warranted a celebration, or a parade, or even a front-page headline in Philadelphia. Now that the Barrage are gone, any joy Philadelphians could have garnered from the team’s success is gone.” — Daily Pennsylvanian columnist Neil Fanaroff, lamenting the lack of attention paid to the Philadelphia Barrage (a lacrosse team).

“Donovan McNabb is always focused on football, but today he was focused on hypertension.” — WPVI-TV’s Keith Russell, in June.

“Despite numerous assurances by the various Defendants, the contractual rights to Speed Racer which Plaintiff was supposedly investing in, were in fact not owned by any of the defendants.” — A lawsuit filed by the Sixers’ Samuel Dalembert, alleging he was swindled out of over a million dollars.

“We were there on Thanksgiving, and we were taking the belts and shoelaces away from everybody in Philadelphia.” — NFL Network’s Rich Eisen with a classic suicide-over-sports results joke on Sunday.