Abridged Daily News Columnists

Elmer Smith: Former Eagles running back Ricky Watters is a crusader for, uhm, adoption! This is really a fun story, especially when Watters and his wife adopt a half-Korean, half-Nigerian baby with “this big afro,” as Watters puts it. (Of course, Watters and his wife probably can afford to adopt, since he played many seasons of professional football.)

John Baer: Gimmick column alert! And it also has a lot of stale jokes, and every entry is pretty much what you’d expect. It’s the holidays, though, so it’s all good.

Ronnie Polaneczky: Polaneczky, meanwhile, writes from Warsaw, Poland, and says that Pols (Polish people, I guess, not politicians) are praising Poland’s president’s decision to visit a synagogue. Yay! Um, what?